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IowaDom​(dom male)
5 months ago • 02/25/2021 7:27 pm
IowaDom​(dom male) • 02/25/2021 7:27 pm
The true issue with "Insta" - be it Dom or sub, is the actual term itself. they're kinda like jellyfish, it looks like they're all out to sea until a storm comes ashore ... lol.
Cloud69​(switch male)
5 months ago • 02/25/2021 7:30 pm
Cloud69​(switch male) • 02/25/2021 7:30 pm
dollMaker wrote:
@Cloud69 you don't get to decide who can indicate, or express hurt or frustration over what happens on the site, either on a blog or in the forum. Yes there are lots of similar posts because there are a good number of problem people here and arriving daily. And saying, ohh its just the net, and suck it up, shows a complete lack of understanding, or empathy.

So I am going to suggest you write about your frustration in your blog, and not seek to devalue, dismiss Moonfairy's post, or anyone else's, as negativity which frustrates you. Doing this, I think, is very disrespectful.

This smells like shaming to me and seeking to shut down, shut someone up re expressing their feelings, and experiences.

just because you write somthing in a thread don't mean eveyone will agree with you. I was just trying to help in my own way. I have never said you can't do something, do what ever you think is best. all I said was it's annying how there is a lot of negitive threads. and they all have the same theme. why not just have one thread instead of a new one every time? also if it's as big a problem why has it not been fixed? if it's broken you should fix the problem right?

also that smells like shaming BS, don't assume what I mean please, if your not sure just ask:)
5 months ago • 02/25/2021 7:49 pm
dollMaker{SaViDa} • 02/25/2021 7:49 pm
I based my thoughts on what you wrote, your words, the energy in them.

Take a step back and re read what you wrote and try and picture how someone other than you, might see your words.

Sure, annoying for you, but not others, who read these things and feel empathy and want to offer support. Saying its the net and that's how it is, and not another bad experience blog/post = negativity stop raining on my parade vibe, does not do that in my opinion. This stuff is often thrown out to silence and shut people down. A sort of man up or get out of the house vibe. That fails re the empathy and understanding aspect. Its hard at times to judge every sensibility, but there are certain words, phrases that doesn't start things out on a good footing re communication.
MisterAshmodai​(dom male)
5 months ago • 02/25/2021 11:21 pm
MisterAshmodai​(dom male) • 02/25/2021 11:21 pm
While having an active, open ‘bad Dom’ database is an unacceptable practice for its own reasons, there is really nothing stopping anyone from sharing their particular bad experiences without giving names.
Perhaps, start a forum and share your negative experiences and anything you may have learned to help with vetting problem Doms in whatever form they may take.
While it may not be as direct of an approach as one might like, it could be said that the reciprocal of the insta-Dom is the sub who does no research into who they allow to Dom them. So, there is only so much that can be done.
Provide such a resource, maybe try to update it regularly to keep it in the short list, and people who search in earnest will at stumble upon it.
5 months ago • 02/26/2021 12:17 am
Virginie{lcpw} • 02/26/2021 12:17 am
Welcome to the site. It’s good you have a thick skin. Since you do I can promise you that soon enough your overflowing inbox will just look like one big joke- although yes every now and then there will be someone- regardless of sex, gender who will cross the lines you’ve become desensitized to, and then yes it’s certainly time to report them to staff
In any case there are ‘instaDoms’ but there are other negative sorts here to look out for. As you get more comfortable ( or much, much sooner) you may find yourself stifled as well by all of the ‘protection and support’ you are offered by ‘white knights.’ My experience here went in just that order. I rushed into something with someone I thought was not an ‘insta’bc he had been here for some time ( I was wrong) and the consequences were not fun. Then of course I was ‘saved’ by another man who offered me a shoulder and advice( and ofc protection and intimate conversation)
Both cases lasted an overwhelming 6 weeks combined? Lol it’s good I can laugh now bc I couldn’t then.
I’m not sure if you stated what your main purpose is here- whether you are looking for community primarily, or a partner( it may be there I will reread)but I’d say focus as much as you can on the site in general and beware of ANYONE who offers you candy. The pervs, the white knights, the gatekeepers, the ‘have done it seen it all so I know it all types’ and if you find someone you feel really comfortable with as a friend maybr just stick with he/she, they/them for awhile until you’ve had time to observe.
Enjoy the site
5 months ago • 02/26/2021 1:42 am
Ingénue{Anakha} • 02/26/2021 1:42 am
There will always be instas. Take your time, if you want, find your friends and whatever brand of amusement you're here for. One person's insta is another's ltr, one person's wise truth holder is another's fool. How they shape shift with time and familiarity. Rescuers are just funny though and sometimes cute.
Cloud69​(switch male)
5 months ago • 02/26/2021 2:35 am
Cloud69​(switch male) • 02/26/2021 2:35 am
I always try to step back to see things from both sides, I am always playing devils advocate. I get that people sending messages to you being very forward and or rude can be unpleasant but the fact they are sending you a message or trying to engage with you must mean they are intrested in you right? the execution might suck but they are trying, I don't think they are sending you messages for the soul perpouse of pissing you off. I get its not the case 100% of the time I know but Trolls will be Trolls. trying to be the internet police is just not possible. life is too short and then you die, why not try to enjoy it to the max?