What’s on your mind?

Taramafor​(sub male) • Mar 1, 2021

It's not about wherever you live or die.

It's about wherever you had a life worth living.

What scares you more? Being a selfish person living in fear because of your trust issues?

Or dying alone because you only saw the worst of everything?

Thank fuck I talk closed people with issues into loving me.

Naya • Mar 1, 2021

Is this response aimed at me or just a thought out loud so to speak?

I don’t quite know how to to take it.

Naya x

Taramafor​(sub male) • Mar 1, 2021

Both. Always live for the moment.

It's why I went outside to enjoy the snow when it so rarely does here. If I hadn't seized every moment in my life, those moments wouldn't have happened.

That's also how I get through to closed minded people with major issues and talk them into being in love with me because I make them happy. And I do it quickly to boot.

Naya • Mar 1, 2021

I’m fascinated to read your comments. So tell me how you have identified that I have trust issues (every human being has them to varying degrees I know), I am always interested to get another persons view on how I come across.

I totally agree with your ‘live in the moment’ point.

I am a widow, almost 4 years ago the love of my life, best friend and lover, partner and stepfather to my children, died very suddenly right in front of me and there was nothing at all I could do. I was frozen in confusion when the first responder sprinted down the driveway and immediately began doing what they do.

Since 2017, in my own version of living in the moment I have travelled to the one place I always dreamed of, and it didn’t disappoint. I’ve started my own small business and for the first time in my adult life I have a bedroom that reflects me, not a compromise with the person I share with.

I hope sharing my experiences supports your points.

I understand about a life best lived, and try to live by that philosophy. I volunteer with youth organisations to offer free counselling to grieving families. I had such wonderful help that I want to pay it forward. But you can’t dwell in your own grief everyday and still continue to function. Helping others sometimes results in my dwelling. I do my best.

I have developed a few coping mechanisms too, most recently, I’ve neglected the washing up after supper. I don’t particularly enjoy getting up to a stack of dirty pots, but since there is no one to whoop my bum for not doing it....I’m just giving it the finger.

🖕

Taramafor​(sub male) • Mar 1, 2021

Helping people huh? You're hitting very very close to home actually. It's how I get the results I do. I don't pretend people "just have their problems". They exist. Then AFFECT me. And others I know. DANGER! DANGER! Have to DO something. But I'm not just doing it for you. I'm doing it for ME. It just so happens that the other person also benefits. I INTEND and MEAN to hurt people. With the cold, hard truth. And maybe some other physical elements, depending on the situation and with who. Actions to prove a point. With reason and purpose. To tear them down and then build them up.

It's also really thrilling when someone can handle me and give me that kind of treatment. People have to be pushed and pushed hard. Especially when they have major trust issues and make excuses and assumptions and avoid giving straight answers and make snap judgements without asking. Closed minds can be very... fragile. Coddling would be a mistake however. First thing to do is make them go insane from trying to be open minded with communication so they even consider the possibility in the first place (how I wish that was a metaphor). I win each and every one of my arguments with the following logic. "It's about what you DON'T know." I'm not a mind reader either. What's the FULL story?

After that, it gets a LOT easier. basically, you''re literary proving someone is an idiot by proving their assumptions wrong and that their irrational fears are unfounded. If you got something to be afraid of, I'm damn sure letting you know before I hurt you. The least I can do is say why and for what reason. Some people might view this as "abuse". Call it what you will. But people know where they stand. And it keeps them SANE. That has to be addressed first and foremost. Sanity. Going "This is the situation. What do you want to do about it?" Even if people break, reminding them of their own actions, control and choice keeps them sane and stable. And quickly leads to fun and being playful. It's much much less about consent and much much more about MY actions being mine and YOURS being yours. I do not need your permission just because you say so. What I do need to do however is go "You can complain all you like but this IS the situation you are in and I DID do those things you said I can't."

At that point I home in on the persons wants/needs and make them melt by looking after them. The situation can either suck or you can choose positivity. It's entirely up to you. I'll present the options. You figure out what to do. It's your CHOICE. The one thing never to be violated. Under any circumstances.

I know psychology, and have lots of experience in various areas. Ranging from talking people out of suicide, defusing guns pointed in face, facing every difficult turned back situation in and out of relationships and turning it around into love, know the nuts of bolts of BDSM and why people do what they do as it revolves around choice, control and automatic response...

Long story short, all of this has given me a really uncanny ability to be extremely observant. What's more, this is what I go through on an average week. It doesn't even drain me at this point. If anything, I thrive on it. Is a bully making me a target? Poker face. Unphased. Even when abused. They can't target me... so what's left? Themselves. That's where I REALLY have to be on the ball and hit that on switch.

I can home in on a persons issues, the darkest deepest ones, target their weakness and insecurities, tear them down brick by brick and then build them back up. Pretty much have too. Otherwise they'll end up in much worse danger. Like being the reason they destroy the lives of themselves and others around them. Is that what you want? One important question here. "Do you want to be a better person"? And if someone bullshits me and pretends to be perfect or guesses then I expose them for what they really are. Anyone pretending to be perfect is bullshitting you. Anyone guessing or going "Not really" after saying they willingly choose ignorance or give mixed messages somehow is bullshitting you. But that's not even the worst part. The worst part? They're bullshitting THEMSELVES.

So, what, people lie to themselves? Ok, yea, that's VERY dangerous. And can not be allowed to happen. It must be corrected RIGHT AWAY. The lies, denial, deceit and dishonesty will harm YOU. Let alone them. now, most people might just walk away from that. But I just keep pushing and challenging until they're honest. Hey, I wanted fun too. But you tossed lies in my face. Once you're HONEST then we can establish TRUST. THEN we can have fun. When you EARN it.

Yeez. Some people really make things difficult. Is what I'm basically saying here. Their desperation for fun makes them weak. They want it. I can provide it. But boy, after being that difficult then you can bloody well EARN it. Be you a dom or a sub or neither. What's more I'll keep making you addicted to me with the truth. Think about it. If someone is that curious and calls you an enigma they can't quite figure out, and is still there talking to you, they're INTERESTED in you. For whatever reason. It's not intended. The enigma part. But that's the best part about it. That I don't have to even try and get people interested at times. Oh sure, I clear up assumptions, point out contradictions and correct people. But the fact they go "You're comical and an enigma and I can't quite make sense of you" then their own curiosity has compelled them to find out. This self reminder if wonderful. It makes me happy. People want to make me happy and I make them happy and I make them happy first which confuses them. Even when they're selfish and one sided. They're really baffled. They're really confused. And then they just make me happy so we're both happy and they're happy and we're just happy. And all because they wanted to understand me.

I'm happy. I'm happy that some difficult people find me interesting enough to try and figure me out when things seem to contradict. I want to vibrate in my chair actually. That's how happy I am right now. I'm happy that I've been laughed at and called comical in misunderstandings. I'm happy that I've been called an enigma they can't figure out. I'm happy that it's lead to the path of happiness the moment I outplayed them.

Then we did fun things and I outplayed them even further. Sometimes without even talking about it. I'm doing their things. But I get them to do my things. And sometimes without even a word about it. Actions can do the talking instead.

Happiness overload. Ok, even happiness can be dangerous if it isn't controlled. i might just blow up if I keep going. Think that's enough for now. But think about it. Think about how being talked down on, being mocked and laughed at, and outplaying the other person can lead to happiness and love. If you can do that then you're really in control of the situation. Even if they are.

If you're not able to get results like that yet, well, it's a learning process. Here's your first lesson above all other lessons.

Make the best from the worst.

Otherwise it's just wallowing in despair and misery isn't it?

RedKat{Not now } • Mar 2, 2021

Naya, I am also a widow, since July 2018 and he died in front of me in my truck...on vacation. I had finally convinced him to get out of town...it was brutal and no, I sold my truck. Message me anytime you want to chat or vent.

Naya • Mar 2, 2021

Thank you RedKat, being a widow is a club full of reluctant members.

Same applies, if you want to chat. I’m always hanging around here xxx

Taramafor​(sub male) • Mar 2, 2021

Been a long few days. People can get so pissy when you try to make it about understanding.

And then I show them what an idiot they are by showing I'm an understanding person.

Which makes them understanding. And probably feeling like more of an idiot for snapping at me when they lectured me about it beforehand.

Basically, I can only reflect you. Once I get a word in, I show I'm the better person.

The latest argument was about ok. It was like a broken record. "Ok, ok, ok." It's harming communication. Ok is neither a yes or a no. It's not agree or disagree. If all you do is keep saying ok, it's not ok. It's ok to say ok when it fits the situation.

But if all you have to say is ok then it's not ok. It's lacking in communication. And can make you feel like you're being walked over when in reality you're misunderstood and not trying to understand. It's "blind acceptance". And that's not ok.

They thought it wasn't ok to say ok. That I had my say. "I still feel misunderstood". None of this is ok.

Then I went into the why of it all. And it's ok.

There's also a very good reason to say what you mean in the interest of preventing assumptions which cause misunderstandings.

And just so we're perfectly clear here, this is advice a professional would give. That misusing the word ok can cause a lot of miscommunication.

If you find yourself in a situation where it happens, address the situation. Add in some "checking in" and "Making sure you don't assume" while reinforcing asking and not wanting to force explanations (it gets them to want to be more understandings) and you're set.

What's more, manipulation is a good thing. Provided it's made very aware with full honesty. Of course I'm manipulating us into being in agreement. What do YOU want? You want things. I want things. We all want things. We all do it. You just might not realise you do it. Better with intent then without. That way it's controlled. And if the other person is always made aware, then they know where they stand.

Suddenly my thought process is this. Someone with trust issues will read my post. And then make me a target. Newsflash hotshot. You're blaming everyone around you with your own irrational fear when you never ask or get the full story. The only thing lower then that is a coward. Hopefully people with trust issues can stand their ground. If they can't, they don't consider anything beyond their own viewpoint alone. And that makes me... angry.

Why does it make me angry? Because it's living in fear. And no one can help you if you delude yourself and bullshit yourself.

It makes me angry because I used to do the same bullshit.

It makes my blood boil because people use their own selfish fear as an excuse to make others a target. Which creates the monsters they fear. If that's all you see someone as, is it any wonder they're a monster? What did you do for them? What's their reason not to destroy you when all you do is cowar and turn your back that easily?

Think on it.

Naya • Mar 5, 2021

Today was a rough day. Work was difficult, trying to sort out a few issues with HR.

Add to that a very unhappy customer and colleagues who won’t step up and deal with the issue.

I ended up in floods of tears and I might as well have been mount versuvius (spell check). Once the tears started I really could not stop.

I genuinely thought I had left such days behind me, but it’s clear that I still can not cope with stress like I used to. I look back on carefree (ish) days when I had so much more confidence and resilience and wonder if I will ever be that person again.

I miss the me I used to be.....it’s exhausting.

That is what’s on my mind this evening 😳

Taramafor​(sub male) • Mar 6, 2021

What's on my mind right now? Was literary shaking because of misunderstandings last night.

Today, better then ever. Because there's at lest a tiiiiiny little ounce of consideration in that black heart of theirs.

In other words, focus on the silver lining. ANY progress is always better then none at all.

The only person I can't get through too is the person that wears happy masks and fake smiles, refusing to ever give a specific example with what, where and why because they're too busy generalising and pretending they know what's right/wrong when they never even provide one single example. People will be unhappy and live unhappy lives if all they do is meet the expectations of others and sacrifice themselves and believe their own bullshit and refuse to give straight answers on purpose. I'm serious. People will have a lifetime of shrinks and never recover because they never even consider that their nature/approach is flawed. They dig their own graves. And honestly, at this point, if someone is so stubborn and close minded to the point they can't even focus on answers over and over, I'm done caring.

Hey, I'll care if people at least show some OUNCE of understanding. Even in the darkest of times. But none at all? Answers is all that keeps people sane. And all that leads to genuine happiness. So is it any wonder some people are unhappy when they refuse to focus on the answers?

Be vulnerable, expose yourself for what you are. At all times. And always challenge. You'll learn to accept yourself for what you are. Who you REALLY are. Not the person you THINK you are. But the REAL you. The more upfront and honest you are, the more you'll control what's around you. And with that you learn to control your own life.

It's sad how some people will have 30 years of shrinks and never learn that. They can't do it for you. Even the professionals are starting to understand BDSM can be used for healing. Yea, it took them long enough. And you want to believe they know it all? Newsflash. Only you know what's inside your own head. And only the person you had misunderstandings with has the other side of the story. Unless you see a shrink together, you're fucked unless you learn to challenge people and get straight answers from them.

Get. Those. Answers. Always.