Pre- meet payments

Pre- meet payments

newtokinkwanttogrow​(dom male) • Mar 17, 2021

Just trying to get on the scene. New to all of this life style. Had the honor or unfortunate experience, you tell me, of meeting on another site a magnificently beautiful woman. Perfect figure, perfect hair, perfect shape in every aspect of her body. You see her I your mind so you know the desire, the longing to developer a relationship. So scene set. We communicate we pass photos, cost 500 to talk to community, she said, cost this for this, must pay allegience fees, must buy all toys for experience. All before you get to see , smell or taste her. So are pre- meet fees the norm and why give up thousands of dollars to ghost. For until they are face we each are ellectronic ghost. Help me learn before crushed out in pre- meet hype.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Mar 17, 2021

Paying is only the norm with escorts, sex workers, pro dom/dommes and scammers. Outside of those very specific sex workers it is not the norm to ever pay, and you certainly would never be asked to pay for equipment, as any professional would have equipped themselves for their chosen profession. I could only ever imagine having an equipment fee being included if some way out of the normal service was asked, or clothing required. In saying that I would hope in the case of specialist items requested, if the professional was not familiar with its use, and to a high degree, they would refuse and not offer the service, and therefore not even ask for a payment for such an item.

I am sorry to say but you are just one of a long line of people whos desperate thirst has put them in the sights of ruthless scum who seek to expolit and scam. I hope you have paid nothing, otherwise you are a victim of a scam.

No one needs to pay to enter the scene more than the resources they need to learn, or equip themself might cost. I am thinking, books, clothing or toys. Of course when covid goes, clubs, dungeons, events and workshops usually have an entrance charge but its small, not hundreds of dollars, though some all weekend conventions might cost that. A general way of meeting people, often in a vanilla setting, but not always, is going to a munch. Kinky people meet to talk, eat a meal etc, no play just friendly chat.

You can learn a lot for free, the internet is full of websites offering varying degrees of information, as is you tube with many specialist bdsm channels. You identify as a dom and yet what you mention is common among sub men being scammed by so called dommes, in which case I would strongly suggest submissives guide website and you tube channel, loving bdsm you tube channel and website both excellent resources, but more focused to non fem domme led dynamics, but still they cover the basics of bdsm. More fem domme focused Morgan Thornes website and you tube channel will be helpful.

For a dom looking a way to learn the same suggestions are useful, plus I would suggest the Crow Academy website, and you tube channel, plus The New Topping book, The Loving Dominant new edition book, Screw The Roses Send Me The Thorns book are all very useful as is Playing Well With Others by Lee Harrington, which is a great guide to getting involved with the kink scene.

I wish you the best but please don’t pay anything, and if this person who tried or did get your money is on this site, report them and show the admin team screen shots of them scamming you so they can ban this parasite.

Rod​(dom male) • Mar 17, 2021

Very sorry to be the bearer of bad news but 100% this is a scam.
All too common in the scene unfortunately, they usually come with a ton of model perfect photos that look professionally taken because they usually are. Prepayment is always the giveaway and you're right to be wary, as is so often the case, if something seems too good to be true it's usually because it is.

Ms MaryJane{NOT LOOKIN} • Mar 17, 2021

Sorry to say but that was a scam. You don't have to pay meet fees. While you should of course have toys and such for your play time, you should also not be using any of the toys until you are properly educated in how to use them safely. You can't just wake up one day and say today I am going to start being a Dom/me. You need to educate yourself, read, attend classes, talk with others here on both sides of the slash, anything you can do to become a trusting Dom who knows exactly what he is doing. I wish you luck on your journey.

newtokinkwanttogrow​(dom male) • Mar 17, 2021

Thank you for the information, and I paid right up to the equipment was to be, list was 2g. Stopped. Not easy to navigate this new style but live and learn. Thank you again

House Talion​(dom male) • Mar 17, 2021

Escorts and fin-doms, but that's it. If it ain't either of those you're being taken for a financial ride and when shes had her fun then shes done n you're gone

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Mar 22, 2021

Going to work hard to not put my condemnation on this. You've already been told that this is a major scam. But even if this were a real person "worth" knowing, you have to ask yourself if you start by paying upfront when it's all "impress me" time, will it end there? Or will you become the financier of a very lazy, spoiled person who only sees you as an income source? To me that is prostitution and I'm personally fine with prostitution at least they are honest about why they are with you.

You may be new to this arena but you aren't new to being an adult.
Where in your life would you hand money over to a stranger?
Where in your life would you believe a total stranger without actually knowing them and interviewing them?
Anyone, anywhere asking you for money for any reason should be avoided.

One of the reasons I believe in munch gatherings is because you get to see the real person vs their profile photo.

And if she needs you to pay for equipment and we know you aren't the only guy throwing cash at her, how much experience does she have with no implements of her own and how much equipment does any one person need?

Most kink dating sites have a telltale. Open the page and there are women, lots of women. One I just checked out has a landing page filled with Dominant women all dressed sexily. And the first "who are you" question is preset to male. Men will spend on women.

Back when the Hellfire Club in Manhattan was in full swing, women paid 5.00 (nothing if you flashed the owner your breasts) to get in and men paid 35.00. And the place was packed by men every weekend.

Now we frown upon gender-based pricing at events but it is still a fact that men will pay for a woman and want to believe it is the norm.

Just take your time, figure out what you are looking for, read a little from the real resources. (search BDSM on amazon- and avoid the fantasy)
And by all means, if it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

I would also suggest you change the name. People who advertise newness are often targets for scammers. Good luck.
H*

yourbootsownme​(sub male) • Mar 22, 2021

"Pay-for-play" generally means you're dealing with a scam, or possibly just dealing with a professional. If a pro is all you want, that's up to you and I won't judge. But most likely it's scam-city.

All I can add is: a D/s relationship is still just that, a relationship. For it to succeed, you need to match in personality, intellect, desires, kinks, goals...so many things. I'm willing to "invest" a lot in the early stages of meeting someone, vanilla or not, so I can learn if we're a possible match. But those "investments" are generally time, energy, vulnerability, focus, and the expenses of dinners or dates.

The only upfront fees I pay are subscription fees to dating sites (and damn some of THAT money feels wasted at times).