Am I crazy?

Kitzer​(sub female) • Apr 30, 2021

It sucks that she blocked you but it's her right to do so. She isn't your sub and doesn't owe you anything.

Now I'm not saying you did anything wrong but you did put her off. So to her (keyword her), how you responded was not okay and she didn't feel comfortable with the level of control you were trying to implement.

Perhaps your expectations are high. This is fine! Doms should have expectations around these things. But remember these expectations cannot be enforced on someone without both their willingness and consent. And she clearly isn't willing to adhere to it. Perhaps she's right when she tells you she's not the sub for you because she isn't going to meet your expectations.

And you'll probably meet lots of subs on here who aren't right for you before one that is comes around. So stop focusing on all the wrongs (this girl) and find your right.

MasterFracDaddy • May 1, 2021

I agree with everybody else. I will add that you do not understand the lifestyle, nor the emotional context.

You are not a Dom. You more than likely have had bad or inconsistent relationships with females... and so you decide you’re going to come to a website and get one that is slave ready.

You are a dangerous and infantile man. I suggest finding a counselor to discuss male and female relationships prior to entering into one that is far more intimate than you’ve ever experienced.

OraclePollon​(sub female){NotYours} • May 1, 2021

Disgusting dude. What kind d of Dom comes in and starts spouting juvenile insults? Make outlandish assumptions and try to speak about what "Females" want, as the expert of how all Doms should behave. Get some class. What does Male/Female have to do with it?.. nothing in this dribble makes any sense.

Sincerely, a "Not" Submissive (I guess)

MasterFracDaddy • May 1, 2021

Oracle Pollon, Far enough, but don’t act like you didn’t just perform the same function you are suggesting I did. 😉

DrWakko • May 1, 2021

So what is this "lesson" you give? Can you post some examples? What can you teach? You said you got started at 18, but have you gone to classes, munches, other events with kinky people? To me experience starts with going to a munch or other live event, not when you think you are kinky.

I never questioned if you are a real dom or not, but if you are looking for my opinion on the subject I would say you are a cyber dom looking to attempt to earn cred. Its easy to call a girlfriend a sub. Its not like we are going to track her down and ask her about your relationship.

FullCanadian​(switch male){MissB} • May 1, 2021

Sigh. As much as I hate to explain a joke, your understanding of the relationship between Julius Caesar and Rome is lacking. He was an egotistical and scheming general that bullied his way out of an alliance and into an unstable dictatorship that culminated in his assassination. You picked a bad metaphor that only showcased your surface knowledge of history.

If you think that reflects on you as a Dom, fair enough.

NCarraway​(dom male) • May 1, 2021

Well this has turned into a mud-slinging match has it not? Let's all calm down and help out the OP with our opinions. He can take them or leave them, but he did ask the community, so let us be respectful.

I have thought for some time how best to add to the conversation. Much of what I think has been said: I think you did move too fast, expect too much too soon. As someone said up there ... there are some that like a very heavy hands on approach from day one, but that in my experience is a minority of women.

My early experiences taught me that taking a dynamic from 0 to 60 in 2.5 seconds invariably led to a crash on the first bend, or at least to a burnt out engine. These days I will talk to a new prospect for several weeks before talking with any seriousness about a dynamic. This allows attraction to grow. This allows your worlds and views to slowly unfold to one another as human beings. I find that works well. There is always the residual feeling that she might be snagged by a less scrupulous partner over this period but we Doms need to fight those inner anxieties.

I would save all talk of formal lessons for much later in the dynamic, possibly several months in. You need to spend time developing attraction.

It certainly is annoying to set up a time with someone and have them disregard it but I wouldn't even be trying to set up such appointments on Day 2. I think that's asking for trouble. It would have been better I think to say, 'I will be on between 3 and 5 pm if you would like to talk further' and leave it with her. I think many messages to her during the day were counterproductive from your standpoint, I believe you lost the frame. As leaders we Doms are supposed to hold the frame. We need to be steady, calm and unwavering, unaffected by her actions. She was not ready to sit down with you? Take a few steps back and let her decide when she wants to re-engage.

Do I think she was right to walk away? I think that was probably best for both of you at that point, the interaction had already moved south and was probably unsalvageable. Was she right to block, I cannot say. But I would say this: I want every woman here to feel comfortable and safe. If that means blocking people (including me) they think, whether true or not, might hassle them, then they should block them.

Take this experience as a learning point. I am sure you will handle things differently next time it is our mistakes that help us grow!

Carraway

Cressida Clytie​(masochist female){Taken} • May 1, 2021

I agree with @NCarraway.

It's just too soon. But her decision to walk away is good for the both of you.

She was overwhelmed. But she accommodated you after doing stuffs all day.

At least she gave you closure. Unlike others that will ghost.

Bunnie • May 1, 2021

@ NCarraway,

A respectful response as always, thank you for always having so much class, and being such an awesome example of how civil discussion is achieved. Always a pleasure to read your responses and see you practicing what you encourage in others.

shahh • May 1, 2021

@OP. Maybe I've missed this ... But at any point the first day was there an agreement to have a "lesson" the second day with just a 30min warning? That has been unclear. Or was it an assumption on your part? In other words, was there consent? This simple detail changes the entire context of the story IMO.

You use the term "lesson" but then indicate that it's all about her and getting more details about her. A 'lesson' generally denotes some sort of knowledge being passed to someone else. Perhaps a change in term here would help? Or is it a lesson for you? So she can give you a lesson on who she is?

I am also curious as to what befits ones nature as a sub as you state in your profile? You seem to get very upset when folks try to put you in a Dom box (or remove you from one) so I'm wondering why you've put submissive folks into a box? I'm curious to know if and why there seems to be a double-standard here.