I'm new and in need of input

Lily Keelia • Apr 7, 2017

Thank you. That is good advice. I don't have any trouble getting him to express what he wants from me. He's a bit too forthcoming, and I've had to slap him down verbally a few times and remind him who is is charge.

I will say I love being his Domme. He needs work, but so do I.

Lily Keelia • Apr 11, 2017

I do believe I've found my feet. Thanks for all the input, everyone.

bottlebaby • Apr 12, 2017

Hello,
I have been involved in the business side of BDSM, fetish and fantasy fulfillment. I am the one that wrote and saw published, "The Handbook For The Aspiring Dominatrix." Agreeable that all sounds like it is part of the world of the professional Dominatrix and you would be right, but the concept of turning a new client into a repeat and then a steady client is appropriate as a base for answering your question.
There are three Hard Fast Rules for working with a new client or in your case beginning a new kind of relationship with a goal of an LTR. Those three rules are ...
}1 talk to the client
}2 Talk To The Client
}3 TALK TO THE CLIENT.
The odds are your boyfriend does not know what he wants to experience, how to make the relationship work and may not be able to talk about it. You would be amazed at how many males are embarrassed at using the word, "penis." Dick, cock, stiffey, Johnson, those they can say, but not penis.
I do not agree that you should have him at your feet when you talk to him. That starts the whole process off with the wrong or confusing emotions already in play. Start at the most comfortable situation you both enjoy. On the couch, across the coffee bar with coffee or wine, cuddled up in bed, all that matters is that you are both comfortable and he feels safe.
Now you can start. Ask if he knows what he wants to experience over the next weekend. The odds are, he isn't really sure. All he is sure of is that he wants to be submissive. To paraphrase the Association, "It's vague desire that's the fire you see in his eyes when he dreams about some game to play." It is up to you to turn vague desire into a, "Todo List."
I'll be happy to share my advise if you wish.

Lily Keelia • Apr 17, 2017

Thank you for that. My slave has very clear ideas as to what he has fantasized about. He also has clear ideas as to what he doesn't want done. He communicates well.

Tolman • Apr 19, 2017

My wife is dominant and she keeps me a happy submissive through a number of ways. One of the best though, is orgasm denial. Both her and I know that I don't listen as well after I cum so she doesn't let me do so very often. I do have a chastity device but only wear it if she feels I haven't been listening well. When I am not wearing it, I don't want to let her down by cumming without permission. When I am horny I love being submissive. There are a lot of benefits to being the dominant one in the relationship so have fun.

Lily Keelia • Apr 20, 2017

Thanks for sharing that, Tolman!

What kind of input

Scott fitzgersld • Apr 23, 2017

?

Lily Keelia • Apr 25, 2017

I think I have it figured out. Thanks.

MstressWhipplash​(dom female) • May 21, 2021

There is a difference between service Topping (doing BDSM play or whatever to solely make them happy) and actually being in authority over that person where they give up authority to you in and out of play time where they consent to do so.

Sounds like you are service Topping him.

Nothing wrong with that but if it is an eglitarian fun time make sure he meets YOUR needs. Ask yourself what you want from that situation/playtime.

Don't be a free ProDomme you will get burn out.

In terms of what play Google search BDSM check list and give that to him to fill in to see his like to try/hard limits etc.

And go through it yourself and fill it in to learn about your own needs , wants and hard limits.

Ensure there is mutual informed consent before you try anything.

Then go to munches and workshop demos to learn how to do stuff safely.


Mistress Whipplash Ma'am

rebeltoya​(sub female) • May 21, 2021

at the end of the day what really matters is your confidence in you being able to take control. as a sub to be honest this is one of the things that turns me on. if you are hesitant he will use this as leverage over you and this won't turn out good for you. you also go to weigh your pros and cons and see where that needs work. use your strengths as your weapon