What is YOUR hard limit?

Sempiternal​(dom male) • May 30, 2021

I'm sure most of this has been covered previously, but my answer really depends also on my submissive and how experienced they are. And also how experienced I am myself. For example, I wouldn't do a rope suspension scene with someone as this isn't typically what I'm interested is or have experienced in. So for safety reasons it would be a no, unless further training and education is slowly built up to a safe level. I definitely have a no for broken skin, including razor blades, needles etc. Anything that is just out right unsafe and will leave permanent damage.

Along with things that are obviously unsafe including most drugs, no untested/safe sex only. But exceptions for these may occur within committed established relationship for example alcohol being involved, as long as prior discussions of the risks have occurred.

Finally it should be obvious anything that would be illegal would be a definite no, along with anything that wasn't expressively consented to prior.

Hidden Secret​(sub female) • May 31, 2021

Rape play.
I have been raped once and almost raped twice.
So anything to do with rape illicits a panic and fight response in me, it's something I can not control, it just happens.....if that makes sense. I become a totally different person, almost like I black out, and I WILL physically hurt the other person.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • May 31, 2021

@Hidden Secret,

First off, thank you for being open enough to talking about your experience. That is important for your own healing.

Second, and I offer this up for your consideration for the future, NOT right now....

I had a fear of belts. It was my hard limit. For me, even seeing gifs of a belt being snapped would send me screaming, all because if my own childhood trauma.

It has taken alot of time but I took baby steps, and I MEAN baby steps! First it was just getting desensitized to seeing a belt in the gifs. Then hearing the snap, then laying one out on my bed as I watched AND listened to the sound. Then picking it up and folding it myself and slapping my hand. Then using it ONCE while I was wearing jeans...etc...you get the picture.

Do I love belts now? No. They don't bother me now. Do I want to use them? Nope. But the FEAR is gone and THAT was the goal. They are no longer on my "hard limit" list because I'm afraid of them. They are on my "nope. Not my kink list" because I don't want them. It doesn't get my juices flowing.

Do you see the difference?

I did a CNC text role play once because in my head, it seemed erotic in some way. In practicality, it wasn't and I safeworded out of the role play. The scene was halted WHILE IN ROLE PLAY and I was given aftercare IN ROLE PLAY to come down slowly.

I'm so sorry you had those experiences and you are not the first one I have encountered here that has been raped (and I'll call the second one a rape just for ease of language), multiple times.

You are NOT alone and my hope for you is that someday, in the future, you can find a way to move slowly through the fear of different parts so that FEAR doesn't rule your life and your kink. That preference does.

Coltic • May 31, 2021

When its know I dont want something and it's done against my wants. For example. I dont want pets anymore. Cause I had them in the past and just dont want to take care of them no more or have to worry about them. I want to come and go as we please and not have worry what were going to do with them. Two subs decide to get one and said I did a thing. So doing something against my will without talking to me first. Is my hard limit.

DomPoet52​(dom male){Owner} • May 31, 2021

Nothing illegal. No lasting or permanent physical damage. Otherwise, limits and boundaries are set by the sub/slave, which is as it should be--and those limits/boundaries must always be respected.

All of that said, limits and boundaries are never set in stone. My experience in D/s and BDSM has often been that what a sub/slave will never do on Monday, they are thinking about doing on Wednesday, and are actively participating in on Friday.

carebearexplosion​(other female) • Jun 22, 2021

Finding a new mommy and love is my hard limit because I don’t want a different one. I realized last night (IF I do decide to start bdsm relationships again, it’ll be in a year or so) and it has to be only friends with benefits type.

I’ve met a lot of people the same way they’re afraid of attachment or just don’t think they have the time to love someone and they make their bdsm relationship work

My sexual hard limits are scat, piss play and doctor stuff anything else I’m willing to try with the right person (even if it’s on my limits, but only if they want to) but if I don’t like it I won’t do it again. I trust when I’m in a relationship the person will not put me farther then I can handle but just in case I could safeword.

Masque​(dom male) • Jun 22, 2021

My hard limits are no urine or scat (partly for hygiene and partly because while I'm ok degrading that's too far) and no danger I don't have some control over. If I've got a request for a particularly extreme or heavy scene, I'm sitting down and figuring the exact approach and tools I'll need to maximize safety, there will be rehearsals and tests ahead of time to figure out things like how long the sub can hold their breath or what their normal pain thresholds are or any number of other bits of information I'll need.

For limits outside the bedroom, I tend to be fairly flexible, but if you lie to me and I don't understand your reasoning, we're done. My trust has been far too eroded over time for me to tolerate lies that I don't understand, and even if I do understand it then I may still show you the door.