Green Flags

Such a great question

SerenityMay​(masochist female) • Jun 21, 2021

Thank you for making a forum out if this! I've had so many good and bad online experiences.

My personal green flags include when people respect my privacy and safety. I know that I'm very shy and cautious when meeting people online, but I've been in some seedy situations where I wondered if I was going to be another statistic in the 'death by online date' log.
That said, it means so much when someone understands where I'm coming from and is respectful to my requests of meeting in public areas I'm familiar with for a while.
It's also is a green flag when my boundaries are being respected. Call me a prude, but I like a slow build. Getting to know my partners for a while helps build the sexual connection anyway.

Sublimechaos​(sub female) • Jun 22, 2021

Transparency and complete honesty

Sir'smisty​(sub female) • Jun 23, 2021

@Sublimechaos: Complete honesty?

Oh! This had 17 tabs open in my brain open all at the same time!

While I don't disagree with the honesty part, when getting to know someone, I'd be happy with just open honesty, but complete honesty, in the sense of the word meaning not hiding ~anything~... that would cause me to step back, for sure.
Perhaps because I am not willing to be that open and vulnerable to someone I don't really know? And therefore I won't trust others who are that way inclined? Or are my standards just that low?

subdreamer​(sub female) • Jun 23, 2021

Damn! These are great green flags and very similar to mine! Some of my green flags are someone who gets to know you and let’s you get to know them, good at communicating and isn’t afraid to contact you first just to say hi or that they’re thinking of you, and someone who is respectful.

LittleLavenderGirl​(sub female) • Jun 27, 2021

If he asks about me and how I’m doing, and i can tell he means it!!

If he is not too pushy right away. I don’t mind some pushiness, of course!!! But too much is overwhelming!!!

If he takes time with me and is interested in getting to know me, and answers my questions.

I like those things!!!

sashalottolearn​(switch female){Open-Mind} • Jun 27, 2021

Wow, I absolutely love this topic. It’s so different, but helpful and exciting at the same time. I suppose I’ll try to list some of mine:

1. As stated previously by others, good communication is first. The ability to be open with someone as well as have them to be open with me and not judging one another but instead trying to understand and respect each other is the sexiest and most intimate part of being with others. Allowing each other to communicate needs, wants, expectations, experiences, satisfaction, disappointments, etc in a constructive and clear manner is amazing and rare.

2. Time, again as stated prior by others, is also one of the most important parts bc you need to learn each other, experiment with each other, build trust, explore difference sides as well as similar sides and interests of one another. So on and so forth. Time is important and it is sexy and encouraging and all around awesome to have someone take time to learn you and allow themselves to be learned about. Couldn’t agree more.

3. Being open minded and willing to consider different perspectives, points of view, interests, experiments, etc, without judgement or punishment that has not been consented to. Definitely green flag as well for me.

4. Willing to learn with/or from me and willing to guide and correct me as well. These are also very important and major turn ons in my opinion. This builds trust and also keeps things exciting and fun for everyone

latexbondagebunny​(other male) • Jun 28, 2021

Redheaded lady, with an attitude and a kinky mind. And not afraid to discuss what's on her mind.

Conversation and an open mind required.

Orgazmo​(dom male){serenity m} • Jun 28, 2021

I have two big ones and they pertain to all relationships not just BDSM or even romantic.

1st) Empathy: Does the person have empathy for others?

2nd) Honesty: Do their words match their actions? Everyone will say they are a decent human being when asked, much fewer actually walk the walk.

Most other character flaws result from failure to do the above.

O

K y i v • Jun 28, 2021

Mine is when the full Search of their provided Vetting actually matches.
Credit, Crime, marital history.. yes a thorough vet!

Cressida Clytie​(masochist female){Taken} • Sep 19, 2021

Not just for kink but relationships in general:

1. They make you feel safe, heard, and appreciated.
2. They follow through on promises and are reliable.
3. There are clear and realistic expectations.
4. They're able to have a respectful disagreement.
5. There's a willingness to compromise.
6. They're actively working on their self-growth.
7. They know how to respect boundaries.
8. Their words, behaviors, and actions align.