Kinky dating usually this fast?

Kinky dating usually this fast?

Precognition • Jun 25, 2021

Hi All,
I met someone online (she’s dominant) on a different site, and things are moving very quickly, honorifics and a set of rules after limited interaction.
I’m pretty much a complete noob in BDSM...is this how fast kinky dating goes?
Thanks,
Precognition

Noire​(sub female){Un-collard} • Jun 25, 2021

Hello!

To start off, it’s nice to meet you. I am a fellow submissive and I’d like to share my thoughts.

So personally from my experience. If any perspective dominant/ domina starts enforcing rules/honorifics. Within a short amount of time, or without going through specific details of what your dynamic is suppose to look like. I’d say pump the breaks. It takes time to get to know someone as well as their specific kinks. People are complex and sometimes it’s better to take a little longer In your vetting process before actually submitting.

Also if you as a submissive, do not know what kind of dynamic your trying to create with a dominant/domina. I highly recommend researching just the basic terms of different types of dynamics. Because it’s not a one shoe fits all scenario. You yourself may have certain desires and needs. That the current dominant/domina can’t meet because maybe their kinks do not align with yours. When two people have completely different kinks, it’s bound to end up a little messy.

I highly suggest talking with your current prospective dominant/domina. About your wants and desires for the dynamic that will suite you both. Discussing hard/ soft limits, creating a safe space to clearly communicate with one another without the fear of being punished. Is super important!! Because your submission is a gift, and it should be given to someone who you can trust. That will have your best interest at heart. You don’t want someone who will neglect/deprive you physically, emotionally or mentally. That is never good.

But those are just my thoughts, I don’t know the full extent of your relationship with this person. But I wish you luck!

Bunnie • Jun 25, 2021

If it feels too fast for you, then it is. It’s ok to ask to slow things down if you need to, regardless of what others say is an “acceptable” timeframe. Everyone’s comfort levels differ.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Jun 25, 2021

When you say quickly, what time frame are you talking about? its kinda like answering how long is a piece of string with out more details

less than a day run, if you haven't got your shoes, still RUN and check your wallet. Its rare.
A few days to a week, grab your shoes don't bother lacing them RUN (FinDomme normally spend about three attempts over three to four chats before going for you wallet)
Longer than a week...keep your shoes close by! use caution, if its FinDomme she might be having a slow week.
A few weeks, take caution but things might be ok! Just make sure you know where your shoes are.

I say RUN in the above situations because there is a very high chance your in a FinDommes targets and about to be wallet raped! If this is your kink or your willing to pay to play, then no harm done (there is nothing wrong with this IF it is your kink). Just keep this in mind as you move forward and watch for the signs like being lead elsewhere like a pay sites or asking to go private away from the site (this is done so they cant get banned on the site), a sob story full of woes, toys that need purchasing etc...not sure what they are, look around on the boards here there are loads of threads on scams. Still not sure just ask.
(please note if this happens at this site, please report them as soliciting for cash, tribute or gifts isn't allowed nor is it allowed on most sites due to internet laws)

You also don't say very much about her. Is she new to BDSM too? Married and maybe just looking for a little spark to her life? Testing the waters maybe? Often new Dommes move fast believing this how we do it..when in truth most Dommes are just like every day women, we like to know our partners before we get to that place of Dominance, more so if we are looking for more than just casual play. Negoitations take more than a day or two or a few chats. FinDommes/camgirls/sexworkers/sugars tend to move fast as time is money.

Also are you sure your with a man? I say this as gay male Dom often pretend to be females as male subs are the highest in numbers, gay submales are some what lesser in numbers. straight males are easy targets and often take more chances due to low Domme numbers.

I hope I'm wrong and in this case I'd love nothing greater than to be wrong!
Just take care, watch for the classic signs..if she is for real, like Bunnie said you can slow things down!

Miki​(masochist female) • Jun 25, 2021

There's a nice little slogan for something like this. The length of time doesn't matter as much to me in responding because the way you posted it, you sound like she's doing this within weeks of meeting.

So, the "slogan"..

"Go too fast and it won't last."

... for whatever it's worth.

House Talion​(dom male) • Jun 25, 2021

Depends on your personality and comfort. Most would see this as an ubber-dom/me while others seek such a thing

MountaintopMaster • Jun 26, 2021

If you are very new to it all, I would STRONGLY advise only doing such things purely as a trial, even a "mock" type of situation, so that you can safely experience the feelings involved without getting really hurt.

If this is all very new, and especially if the reason you are here is that you currently feel trapped in an unsatisfying relationship, then that first whoosh of brain chemicals can hit you like a ton of bricks, whether it is that first experience of sub space/frenzy, or some sort of dominant hunger. Or, just falling in love.

It sounds cold, but try to treat everyone you meet as nothing more than a mentor/guide, for at least a while. If you want to experience a "scene", or a sub space, do it with great caution, and treat it as a learning experience. If you know you are easily manipulated, make such hard limits very clear up-front, such as not giving out phone numbers, addresses, pictures if you're uncomfortable with that or if you have a public face, and of course, money.

Don't get me wrong, it's OK to "go wild" as soon as you feel comfortable, in terms of basic, traditional cyber-sex. There is no judgment here, and plenty of horny people online to talk to. On The Cage in particular, though, you'll probably find that a lot of people are actually interested in creating more meaningful, long-term relationships/dynamics, which is very refreshing compared to some other websites.

TLDR, be very careful; anything done "early on" should involve basic considerations for your personal safety, and an attitude of "just here to learn..."

Precognition • Jun 26, 2021

Thanks everyone for all the feed back.
Appreciate you @MissBonnie.
I took your advice and like a Flock of Seagulls..I ran....I’ll get my coat.
In hindsight it was waaay too fast...less than 48 hours.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Jun 27, 2021

You are most welcome Precognition...take care out there. Sorry it wasn't a good match, they wont all be this way.