Honesty. But how much do you really value it?

Honesty. But how much do you really value it?

Taramafor​(sub male) • Aug 4, 2021

To learn. To adapt. To play. Come what may.

What is it you expect from yourself? What is it others expect from you? What do you expect from others? And when you learn to go against that, learn to do it honestly and turn it all upside down, instead of the reaction people tried to get out of you instead you CHOOSE it. A smile at an enemy. A playful trick with an ally. The more it's made about the unknown the more you know and understand. And in that lies a power that no other can control.

You will not however learn this from "normal" people. Do you know what normal is? I look into the statistics. It's fear and despair. Ignorance and assumptions. I assure you, normal is very much part of the problem. Would you rather be "normal" and one of those people that make so many excuses and assume out of fear and ignorance, or do you want to be your own person? Grinning ear to ear at the madness of it all as nothing phases you.

Thus playing is a strength. BUT it can also be the biggest weakness if one is careless. Too often people will lose sight of reality as they make excuses to lose themselves in fun alone. Honesty has to come BEFORE fun or the fun ends up being put in danger in the long run (and I'm pointing out it's normal for people to be blind). Sometimes people can act like they know they don't want longer term things, but then I point out "How can you know what you want or not if you're not even aware of it". Case in point making it about what isn't known is how things get worked out. It's where the answers lie. So even if normal is part of the problem it's workaroundable. If you make it about what isn't known and what is honest.

The problem is the normal person only makes it about what they know. Instead of trying to be understanding. I'm sure you can see the dillemma. Look, I get it. Comfort zones. But it aren't changing facts. And the fact it it's bigger then your sheltered little world that you made for yourself.

At what point do you stop asking? Probably the first time you judged a book by its cover. When you only ever told and never thought to ask. And sure, I tell a lot. But I ASK you this. Do you ask before you dare to judge? Perhaps "Do you consider things might not be as they appear to be?" would be more accurate and to the point.

Or do you tend to fear the worst because of your trust issues, pretending only you alone can be trusted? If you believe that... well... guess you're stuck with your own opinion alone and you're just a perfect person that's never been wrong about anything. But really, if you believe that you're in denial. My point is don't do that BS if you dare to preach about honesty. Otherwise you're nothing but a two faced lying hypocrite and betray everything you stand for. The only thing that saves you there is a confession. Admittance, accountability and responsability. But it's easier to complain, make excuses and blame isn't it?

Which is why I am very careful in what I say. Phrases like "You should" and "you have too" violate choice AND honesty. The reason for this is because if you lie so many times, even knowing it is at first a lie you can come to believe the lie. Assumptions and ignorance is the number one cause of depression and insanity. You don't have to know everyones life story to understand "I don't decide for you".

And if you have issue with the LOGIC of what I state, challenge it. Why would I fear arguments if it leads to the truth? But if all you have to offer is childish whining and complaints then you already lost that argument. And in that the honesty. I don't want to tell people they're right or wrong. I will ask 10000 times over until they tell me. Can't argue with yourself after all. But there's a good reason things have to be said out loud. Even to oneself. Think of it as self confession. It's easier to detect mistakes/corrections.

House Talion​(dom male) • Aug 4, 2021

Depends on how much you can trust.

Sasa​(dom female) • Aug 5, 2021

Your posts, it's seldom a question more a kind of journal. You talk, ask, answer yourself and start all over again. It's as if you write down your complete inner dialog... if that is happening the whole time to you, hell, I'd be sorry. Don't get me wrong, it's ok, it is you ... but to be honest, I don't read it.

Master Raf​(dom male) • Aug 5, 2021

I expect honesty from myself, and from others.

Taramafor​(sub male) • Aug 6, 2021

But this in turn brings us to finding out the truth. Trust comes AFTER honesty. Or maybe during. But not beforehand. Trust comes from the truth.

Many speak of honesty. Fewer can handle the pursuit of it. This brings us to two other factors at play.

Those that circumvent and sidetrack (changing topic. Bullshitting you. etc) and those that can give straight answers.

Those that can't even give you straight answers... Do they even value awareness before speaking of honesty? The former comes before the later. For without awareness then the situation isn't made aware. And if the situation isn't made aware then how can you trust in it? It's unknown. And if someone has assumed inaccurately and then can't even give you a straight answer...

That brings in corrections of course. But let's be honest here. There's going to be a lot of closed minded people. Some learn, some don't.

At what point can you trust? I find it's when someone stops making excuses to contradict themselves. A question like "Who does that remind you of" can really give someone pause. Even if they don't say anything. If they start being more understanding right after that then that's all the proof I need.

I honestly never had more fun being degraded. They made an assumption (partly accurate, partly not), I turned around their expectations. We worked things out and had fun.

Most importantly of all, they didn't flee after those assumptions. And this is what it boils down too. You can't make it about honesty if you're not even there to find out.

SageFlame​(sub female) • Aug 9, 2021

If it's not honest it isn't true.

If your not brutally honest with yourself how can you know your own truth let alone believe it?

For your sake and the sake of others seek truth. Honesty is like a fire the can refine and bring out your brilliance. Letting it burn away deception is the hard part.

For me, honesty is best served on a plate of compassion otherwise it can be a repellent.

Honesty nourishes the soul. I like to feel nourished and when it comes to relationships lies are poison; deception a deal breaker.

Miki​(masochist female) • Aug 10, 2021

@taramafor:

I'd love to answer this question from my own experiences and point of view, but as others have mentioned, and I believe I did, as well, your post is just too long and I'm going cross-eyed trying to read it, and I don't want to skim and miss what might be a greater point than just the thread headline.

Could you kindly condense your questions and posts and just get to the facts?

To be brutally honest, if I want to read a book, I'll go to the library.


Think about it, Fella!!!!

Bunnie • Aug 10, 2021

People can really only be as honest with others as they’re willing to be with themselves.

I have always believed myself to be honest. Quite a while ago now, having grown up in an environment that believed that “white lies” were ok, however, didn’t realise that constant white lies meant that I suddenly realised I had grown up to trust nothing anyone said, I made a conscious decision to step away from that mindset, and work towards learning how to achieve complete transparency. It was really, really difficult re-learning how to communicate in a way that was both honest, yet still respectful. I must admit I have slipped a lot on this front in the last few years because I have become lazy. Mindfulness is the simple difference between blurting out harmful words without thought, under the guise of being honest, and taking a little moment longer to choose wiser words with the goal of communication and understanding, rather than attack and defence.
This learning brought with it the understanding that I could really only be as honest with another, as I was willing to own and admit to within myself. With the guidance and help of a wonderful person, this has been a huge area of focus for me these last few years, and is still definitely an ongoing work in progress. For any of us, self-awareness is an ongoing journey, so within that context, I believe honesty is too.

There is also the other aspect of being able to accept honesty from others. Whilst being a whole other kettle of fish, I again believe that we can only accept honesty from others as deeply as we can accept it from ourselves.

SageFlame​(sub female) • Aug 11, 2021

@ Bunny
Quote
" . . . I again believe that we can only accept honesty from others as deeply as we can accept it from ourselves."

A few thought surface for me after reading your comment. First, you are never hasty to respond and your words are thoughtful. I appreciate that about you.

I'm having a hard time articulating my response as it is within the realm of unlearning, relearning and healing for me. But I'm gonna give it a go. It may well be my brain trailing around to find a finish line.

*Accepting honesty from others - this could mean many things. I'll begin by asking rhetorical questions:

What does it mean to accept someone else's honesty?

Are other people's honesty something we shoukd measure ourselves against?

Isn't someone else's honesty simply a reflection of their experience and therein a subjective perspective?

How should we filter another person's perspective to decide what may be true to ourselves?

My relearning has taken me to a place where acceptance from others is not where my value lies. This may seem like a jump but I'm basing it off the fact that we all have a biological need for acceptance. It is how we survive; how our brain perceives survival.

Filter:
Is what they are telling me building me up?
Is their honest opinion helping me grow in a positive way?
Does this person know me well enough to have merit in what they say?

While you may have been referring to someone's positive/ helpful honest opinion the word acceptance sent a red flag for me. There are so many that have no sense of self and only find acceptance and value from others. I think its healthy to spend time developing a sense of self. Find your truth. Dig deep to find your authentic self. When this has happened, we can then divide the honesty of others and only keep what is true for ourselves.

Truth and honesty are only simple when we can look within. The raw self.

THIS is the acceptance that brings strength!

If you grow in self acceptance what does it matter what others say?
I'll have to say this though - accepting that others have different perspectives is a peaceable move.

I just circled around to respect.
I think you touched on self respect Bunny*

*Honest- if I'm honest with myself I'd admit I was triggered by your comment. I just processed it aloud in text. That's me lining up with my truth.

cherilynn​(sub female) • Aug 11, 2021

I would love to read and participate in a discussion about the difference between honesty and truth because we can believe something in all honesty and it still not be the truth...

However, I just got lost in the big wall of words and I'm so easily distracted. I do apologise as I am not trying to be rude in any way but Iike some of the other posters, I need the condensed version of the question and/or topic.