Easing into it

Easing into it

secretdesire • Apr 20, 2016

My gf and I (female) are dipping our toes into the dom/sub dynamic. We aren't involving ourselves in scenes, more like mentally and verbally playing with it as we feel it out.

I'm looking for some resources and suggestions  

Villanelle​(staff) • Apr 20, 2016

Much of D/s play can be mentally and physically challenging so going slow is smart.  Perhaps a good place to start is doing some erotic reading and and porn watching together, coupled with discussion. Talk about what interests you, what scares you, and what does both!  

I'm sure others will chime in with other advice by I'll add this...

-don't play with any implements that you haven't educated yourself about.  Needles, electric play, ropes, etc., all can be not only dangerous but deadly.  And once you are educated, try them on yourself and each other so that both of you know how it will feel.

-don't underestimate how intense the mental aspect can be.  Tread carefully with humiliation, degradation play, etc.

-do remember this is about what you like and enjoy, not about fitting in to some stereotype or role that you've seen in the media.  If it doesn't do anything for you or your partner, don't do it.

-do remember it should be FUN! This is adult play and everyone should be having a good time.

There's a bit to start.

ThatDizzyChick​(masochist female) • Aug 20, 2016

Take the time to figure out what about it all appeals to you, and then compare notes to make sure you are on the same page. If one is more into a service dynamic and the other into a brat/punishment type dynamic things are going to be unsatisfactory.

HeavyD​(dom male) • Aug 22, 2016

In the beginning of our journey, my sub was very confused and thought I didn't like her the way she was, because after all,  if I did, why would I want to change her from vanilla to sub?  So in my opinion, the mental aspect is the most crucial part!   As a newbie (and assuming that you are the Dominant), take baby steps as you introduce new tasks and expectations to your sub.  There will be lots of tears along the way, so don't be afraid to back up to overcome obstacles before moving forward again. 

Seswu​(dom male) • Aug 22, 2016

Looking for ressources while at a stage of mentally and verbally playing with things..

Well there's many, many ressources available and not all of them will match what you want.

For bondage, Midori's Art of Japanese bondage is a good introduction for beginners.
For floggers, I have no idea. I just use the things, I found out how by talking/playing with more experienced people along the way.
For caning, I have a nice little booklet somewhere I could mention if you're interested.

But maybe you're more into 24/7, or ownership, or daddy/little play, or the Gor positions..

..so which aspects of bdsm are attractive you and her?