What to do?

keeblerkitty​(sub female){Looking} • Sep 27, 2021

Thank you for your post

CSI • Sep 27, 2021

I have so many questions: how long did you vet for? What was negotiated? Was no contact discussed as being a limit for you?

From what you have said already, the answer is you don't have much of anything. You have a fantasy that may or may not become reality. You have someone calling themselves a dominant that seems to need to work on communication and actual teaching and guidance. My opinion would be you need to lean waaaaay back, do some more research and learning and defining what you want, need, and desire.

PrincessLove​(sub female) • Sep 27, 2021

My advice is to trust your instinct.

Only you can really figure out what is going on.

It helps me to write things out in a journal. I find the act of writing helps me clarify things.

Also, talking to good friends help me see things from different perspectives.

I know that I have had rose colored glasses on in the past where I didn’t see things that I should have. Even worse, I saw them and didn’t care because I felt so good holding onto the fantasy of what I wanted it to be. Some predators know that some people can be easily manipulated and will use these psychological biases to their benefit. So, please be cautious and whenever you suspect something deceptive, it can be a clue.

Miki​(masochist female) • Sep 27, 2021

Don't read too much into a small sample size.

Unless this is a long distance relationship, it might be better to withold judgement until and unless you meet him in person (again, if possible) -- in a safe, very public place of course.

Some people don't go for that KIK crap. I know I'll never be caught dead on KIK or similar platforms, but then again, that could be on account of the fact that I'm Not Looking to meet anyone, least of all online contacts.

Maybe you can try another means of 2-way visual before meeting and certainly before deciding off the bat that he has something to hide... Or maybe he's concerned that his physical appearance might not stoke your coals.

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Of note, I might have missed several details on your original post, as I do not do well at all with long, involved posts and I automatically go into skim mode when faced with walls of text, so if this reply sorely missed a point-- because I missed a point--- Sorry 'bout that. However this reply is my overall suggestion for people with possible partners who resist video chatting, KIK or otherwise.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Sep 29, 2021

Watch the movie “He’s just not into you.”

Read the book “Act like a lady but think like a man.”

Read up on Occam’s Razor - go with the most likely answer.

He didn’t lose his cell phone in a flood, hurricane, and he wasn’t robbed. He just didn’t feel like calling.

He doesn’t have a sensitive job, an important position in his community, or a messy divorce he’s going through. He’s just playing his options.

Work isn’t so busy that he can’t reach out by phone.

He wasn’t in a car accident and unconscious for four days.
…….

There are guys out there giving excuses that would rival Spielberg. Don’t give them more benefit of the doubt than you give yourself.

In Steve Harvey’s book, act like a lady But think like a man, he says when a man is serious he makes it happen. He has a plan.

It isn’t that you aren’t important or special enough. It may be that he is so greedy, narcissistic, or unreliable that he wouldn’t know important or special if it landed on his head.

Don’t let people drag you onto KIK to play games. Work on knowing your own self-worth and don’t give anyone your time who doesn’t see it for themselves.

These guys have been around in alternate lifestyle and vanilla realms since the beginning of time in one form or another.
….
I joined a meet up group near me and within 24 hours got messages from two different men.

Both said similar things. One worked on an oil rig, huge red flag for scammer stories, and the other worked out of state.

Both said they are very busy with work which is how they set up to ghost you when they get bored.

And both said that they’ve tried to go to meet up events but we’re just too darn busy

Both asked for my phone number immediately

And both were told to go away.

I learned a long time ago to only invest in serious people who are prepared to invest in me.

While it means I’m alone more often, when I’m not alone I usually find myself with wonderful people.

If your instincts tell you this guy is BS the odds are that he is. Hold out for one worthy of you

Slvls​(sub female) • Oct 4, 2021

Married men who are bored with thier wives will come here to play . Sometimes it is easy to spot them , and sometimes hard .

I like so many out here , feel your frustration . If i can say anything . Dont be afraid to ask tough questions up front . Best to get it over with . Example i am not looking to be anyones " little " . Not my cup of tea, as my dad would say.

No Body​(dom male) • Oct 5, 2021

Just let it go and run. Block him and run