Play party etiquette ?

Play party etiquette ?

Valore • Nov 23, 2021

Hello reader(s)!

Thank you for meandering on over to this little hub.
I figured that the forum community was of such grand help the last time, so let's present it with yet another question...

I have been under the great fortune of being invited to 2 play parties whilst not having attended a single one...
Albeit I lunge after information and that makes me a pool for advice ready smidgens... but I understand well, my position.

----------------------------
The question::::
------‐---------------------
Please tell me anything at all in regards to Play etiquette... any setting or location is fine ...you do not need to be experienced or well cultured either.

Any advice, hints, cue ins, etc.

I hope to offer this advice to others eventually as well.

‐---------------------------

Much obliged.

dananddawn • Nov 23, 2021

Well, best is to ask the host, but in general - don't interrupt scenes, don't touch anything without asking, you are under no obligation to do anything (and no one is under any obligation to play with you either).

Bunnie • Nov 24, 2021

Agree with above. Each place will have its own guidelines.

As far as general etiquette, two biggies to remember:
• Never touch anything that doesn’t belong to you, without permission (that includes people).
• Never interrupt a scene (if you see something questionable to you, seek a Dungeon Monitor… you never know what has been negotiated in a scene).

Personal “etiquette” I go by:
• Always be polite, civil and respectful.
• If you’re unsure about anything, ask. It’s better to look silly than to step on toes.
• Negotiations for play are done before attending parties, and I never negotiate under the influence (that includes “atmospheric high” whilst at a play party).
• I also personally choose to not play under the influence of any substances, or with anyone else who is.

Miki​(masochist female) • Nov 27, 2021

Pretty much cut and dried. Activities to which you have been invited should also have the "guidelines" and such clearly stated--- even the obvious.

Conversely, should you find yourself invited to an "anything goes" gathering-- the only thing that shouldn't go is you. People think being a kink means being all-in on free-for-alls--- and those don't oft end well for everyone.

I haven't been to one of those in years. I'm pretty much done with that scene, but the ones I did attend--- everything was clearly spelled out and the whole thing went off as a fun and safe activity.

Bunnie • Nov 27, 2021

Just remembered this one that definitely needs a mention also:

• NEVER photograph anyone, except with consent and according to the venue’s photo policy.

House Talion​(dom male) • Nov 29, 2021

Communication, HANDS-OFF when without verbal consent of EVERYTHING that could be involved.

When watching a session: know the range of the tools used with an additional two or three feet for any back swing. DO NOT walk through a session you are not directly involved in. DO NOT add yourself to a scene just cause the sub has 'needy eyes'. ALWAYS respect and show some appreciation to ppl that allow anyone to watch their session. ALWAYS make sure your presence DOES NOT block the veiw point of anyone that was there before you.

When getting into a session: make sure all contact is verbally consented prior to play. Make sure any changes or alterations are ALWAYS verbally confirmed PRIOR to continuing.

CAUTION
Not all venues allow full nudity.
Most full nudity places DO NOT allow male genital nudity.
Some places that allow completenudity for all, may not allow sex.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Nov 30, 2021

If the party host is online, take a look at their profile, groups, and activities. Just in case their view of things is far far off from yours.

Agreed that rules should be posted and explained where needed.

No means no.
You are under no obligation to define yourself for others. It is common for some to ask what you are. Sub? Dom? etc. None of their business. But I would suggest you not say much about being new or such. Some are looking for that and depend on you not knowing enough.

Nor, do you have to spend time with/play with anyone if you don't want to.

Drive yourself. Be prepared to leave if and when you wish. Not knowing others makes carpooling unwise until you know them better.

Do not touch people or their things. (And no one should touch you without your explicit consent)

You don't have to participate in a scene even if asked to. Again not knowing people leaves a lot of guesswork.

Quiet courtesy and distance to play space should always be the case, Although I've seen some who have posted the rule for their only party have also violated it themselves.

If you decide to play, negotiate that. A hard skill to learn but needed. Have safewords and be clear about what you do not want to have happen. Gauge that person you are negotiating with during the talk, and if they seem to be placating you more than confirming they respect what you say, slow down.

Playing is about topping and bottoming, not dominance or submission.

If they say things that make you uncomfortable, full stop.

One that is a red flag for me is the remark, "But you'd do it to please me" NOOOOOO

Have fun, and keep your brain engaged.

H*

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Nov 30, 2021

Snipped to address only these remarks:

As a masochist rather than a submissive or slave these issues are ones I STILL encounter on occasion despite my "newbie" days being 25 years in the past. I'm so used to it that I sometimes forget to even mention it to anyone else as being something to be on the lookout over. Thanks for mentioning how out of place those expectations are at a play party.

tmo50nv​(sub male) • Nov 30, 2021

Good information! Ill take that to heart!

Dominus eius​(dom male){LittleLott} • Nov 30, 2021

There is some really good advice here. However, I do want to give a heads up on the item above. Context is always vital. Someone earlier mentioned that if you see something you’re unsure about, to flag it to one of the “team” from the event. That advice is key - as you may not know the context.

The above warning (quoted from SubtleHush) I would agree with EXCEPT for context. Is it coercive - that depends on the circumstances.

Do I use it - absolutely! However, I only use it with my submissive, who is in a 24/7 dynamic with me (is also my wife). I also use it only within her (pre-agreed) limits.

Would I use it when playing with someone else - someone that I don’t have a close bond with and intimate understanding of their limits and capabilities - not a chance.

So, I do agree with SubtleHush’s comment. Yes - however, you can’t just take a single item you see or overhear and assume you know what it means. This lifestyle is a very intricate one and hence why you hear so many people reiterating the need for clear, regular and open communication.

Enjoy your exploring.