serve or please??

Bingo! I'm getting a bit annoyed with the circular arguments that constantly present themselves here in these forums. It seems that no act of submission can escape the magnifying glass of "but WHY" was the act performed??? IF the submissive might possibly have performed it hoping for a pat on the head or a smile or a whispered "good girl", "good boy", "good pet" then it seems some here find the act worthless and without merit. Some here seem to suggest that the only submission worth giving or receiving is one that the submissive person absolutely detests and derives no satisfaction from.

I will say for me personally if it pleased my Dom I would derive pleasure from it. No matter the task with very few exceptions. I consider myself a submissive with Slave like tendencies. My lack of ability to ever trust a human as much as a slave would need to is why I could not be a slave. But I think most here want either a full fledged slave or a play partner. And Thise who want a slave do not understand the difference between a slave and a submissive.

Yes. And that's the HUMAN approach that most reasonable people would take. The problem here on these forums is that way too often someone throws out that "twue submission'/slavery" does not expect any reward or any satisfaction. In other words, It just IS what a "twue submissive" is expected to do and if any warm fuzzies are felt then they aren't doing it right or in an authentically slave like way.

IF you have give consent to obey a command from YOUR Dom and it is within your limits to follow, then I'd say it's all good. This is the key here. consent, boundaries. TPE.

Wow, love this question and topic of discussion. It's a core topic for me and i think there are some wonderfully thoughtful responses.

For me, it is all about the connection and bond between me and my Top/Husband/Dom (i have recently had the word "Husband" used with me by a Man, and have discovered it resonates deeply with me... not in a modern /contract sense, but in a very layered Husband/wife dynamic way).

I can serve my Top in all sorts of ways, but for me, if He does not derive some type of pleasure from it, the act is missing something vital. i can serve my Man a meal, but so can a waiter at a restaurant or a kid at McDonalds. Going through the motions alone on the 'wife' side, or simply having polished boots on the "Husband" side represents service and benefit in my mind, but if it does not involve emotional/psychological connection, especially one that can form and strengthen a bond between the two, it lacks the intimacy that i think is vital, it lacks the reason for the relationship, the deep 'soul' connection and bond... which to me is the essence of "bondage."

To me, there needs to be symbiosis in order to sustain a strong bond, and pleasure is one of the strongest bonds i know of. It's the primary cause of addiction. indeed, the idea of 'addiction' is one of my kinks. I.e., where a Top/Dom/Husband manages to connect a specific desire/need to the desire/need of His bottom/sub/wife and turn it into a strong bond.

i've see a couple of ways a pleasure bond can be established in me. The simpler one is when my and my Mate have a common kink that we are already self aware of. It can be pretty much anything, the list is endless, but if the kink is mutually held from opposite poles, there can be that natural magnetic attraction, pull, connection and bond.

The more complex bond to me utilizes the base or core nature of each to create/develop/train/surface a new kink connecting place. To me, this is the trickier one and i think where a lot of confusion and frustration occurs in D/s (opposites) dynamic. i think this is where those who try to live D/s in a legalistic way are separated from those who are guided by the spirit of the law.

For the former, if they do not achieve connection with a particular desire, it's perceived as a failure of one or the other party, and it becomes a fragment in the relationship.

For the latter, there can be an understanding that accepts there will be kinks that are mutually held, whether already known, or newly formed and developed, and there will be kinks that go unfulfilled. I think the notion that there can be 100% compliance is common and false when it comes to pleasure, and i think service fills in that gap for the formers expectations of 100%.

i do not think anyone has 100% compatibility where pleasure connections are concerned, so i think it's necessary to forming and sustaining bondage to have enough or vital common/compatible kinks along with mutual understanding of the pleasure dynamic.

Service dynamic doesn't work with my wiring because it lacks mutual deep connection and bond. To me it's adherence to a principle instead of adherence to a person.

Anything asked by my Daddy would be done. If He asks, it's because there is something about it that would bring him pleasure. Simple things like give me a kiss, to more complex acts of submission are all included in that scenario.
Personally, I want my Daddy to be happy 24/7. That means always being ready at any time to follow any request/command he would make of me.
Now reality shows that's not always possible, communication at all times between him and myself assures that the times I can't complete a request are so minimal they might as well not exist.
I love to please him. I love to serve him. In my mind they are one and the same because every act of submission by me brings him pleasure. And that is my #1 motivator.
And as for doing things I don't like to please him, purely to submit to his will. That is where pure trust and total honest communication comes in. He knows me, better then I know myself. Ergo he would not force me into a situation that is abhorrent to me just for kicks. While he can be cruel sometimes, it is within my expressed desires for such cruelty.
In our dynamic TPE is real and the way we live.

Thank you to all, for the insight, time taken and opinions and experiences shared...
more then enough food for thought, awareness and understanding ...
Its about growth and a healthy relationship\dynamic\bound\choose...
so thank you again and happy holidays to all..its been a hell of a year

You can serve and p, ease a Dominant at the same time.
Obedient is serving whether you enjoy it or not.
To be pleasing would be to be obedient , show enthusiasm and good disposition. Not grumbling.

It's actually simple.

Do you think subs entre I to dynamics just to please another? No, they should get to know someone, for me personally, my submissive side is rarely engaged. I have been pondering as to whether someone could get to that level where it engaged my submissive side. If they were patient and we had a spark. Not all subs want all men bc they call themselves Doms, Masters, Owners. I see a lot of this kind of thing with newer people, within 2 or 3 weeks they have a Dom. Hunh? Okay.

But if I have a spark with someone I would keep an open mind.
But it can take years for someone to become obedient. There are those who have pages of rules in an effort to make someone become obedient. Then there is another side of that coin, where some start off by teaching obedience without a bunch of rules.

To each their own, communication.
So subs do not enter just to serve anyone, there are things that they can and should expect, then there is negotiations.

It's a very valuable tool, but be careful. ?

Bc ultimately, a dynamic is a sub serving a Dom who then serves the dynamic first.

Of course someone can do and enjoy serving and pleasing all rolled into one. What some folks have a hard time with, is they think it's somewhat selfish for a sub to enjoy serving and pleasing their Dom.

But face it, why in the hell would someone be in a relationship where they didn't want to serve this person, this person treated them like a kink, service, domestic dispensing machine.....
I have seen slaves who speak this and live this way. That is their choice, one in particular [I'm not sure if someone it isn't theatre type, but in my bones, they are devoid of thinking anything but what their Master wants. I hope it was consented to, she is a robot. Yes I am judging becausr I know that subs can forget who they were before dur to brainwashing, repeatedly stripped of any individual personality. MKINYKATIO.
But I'm curious and have sweated over asking her some questions out my curiosity. Her Master reads everything , but I was respectful, but I could have been like slang, talked down to her, and results would be same. It could be fake as hell too.

So I mean there are as many different ways to do a dynamic as There are different butterflies in the world.

Sorry I kind of went into my own thoughts.... Need to check on her again.

The whole intent and purpose of being a sub is to submit to you’re Dom. Now I do agree people rush into things without properly vetting and taking time to actually get to know a person. But if they didn’t find it pleasing if they didn’t enjoy pleasing their Dom why else would they do it. I’m a sub but I wouldn’t give that submission to just anyone. But now that I have I can whole heartily say I 100% enjoy serving my Dom. And I always want to please him. No matter what it is he needs I want to provide that. Not because I feel I have to because I don’t have to do anything I choose to I want to. And if it didn’t please me to do so than I simply wouldn’t do it. It’s a power exchange not something someone takes from me because I’m told to. It’s an exchange we give each other what the other needs.