Collars

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Dec 16, 2021

I might take time later today to scroll back and try to find exactly WHICH comments painted someone else with the "weird brush" or which ones alluded to "ridiculous distortions" But honestly this seems to be more of a case of you and I interpreting the same comments made here from vastly different perspectives. As for me? I can only be responsible for what I actually say rather than how someone else interprets it. At any rate, hope your day is a productive and enjoyable one. ☺️

bestwhencontrolled​(sub male) • Dec 23, 2021

i wear a collar out of a desire to be owned. i believe that She would choose an ownership collar (and possibly other collars, such as one for punishment) for me to wear.

SubmissiveFaerie​(sub female){Owned by D} • Dec 23, 2021

I love hearing the respectful reflections on standards and the changes that have come into play. As a submissive who is collared by my husband, my collar probably means more to me than my wedding or engagement ring. It is a day collar that boarders the line of collar and vanilla (industrial chain with a Swarovski crystal pendant inside a small O ring) and it means exactly what someone who "knows" thinks, but to others it's the pretty necklace I always wear.

That being said, think of collars as you would a necklace- it could be a statement of ownership or submission to, but it also could just be an accessory, or it could be a way to outwardly reflect a need for others to see their submissive nature. Another food for thought- some women wear a collar without owner the same reason women in clubs wear fake engagement rings- safety.

With lifestyle variances being more acceptable, it is no longer needed to shroud communication in secrecy. And social media sites such as this and Fet are safe places for people to explore without commitment to something not fully understood. So don't be surprised when you ask if someone is collared and they ask what that means. I definitely would not assume, though, because my generation (I'm 37) and younger are less likely to actually be collared.

IronWorld​(sadist male) • Dec 24, 2021

I've yet to see an argument against the high protocol days of the Old Guard boiled down to anything other than "I dont want to put in the effort" and excused with something along the lines of "how dare you gatekeep me". But the truth of the matter is that those rules existed as a means to protect the followers of the Old Guard from external social forces and today's convenience store bdsm just doesn't have to deal with it. Likewise, with the advent of the internet, mentorship is as easy as looking up a youtube how-to video.

But on the other hand, those that do put in the effort of following Old Guard protocol will ALWAYS appear more sophisticated than whatever attitude issue the modern kinkster has and the Old Guard's inherent refinement is something the modern kinkster's personal "empowerment" just can not compete with.

BloodofSzekai​(dom male) • Dec 24, 2021

I don't "tell the difference."
Both are hot to me and that's all I care about LMAO.

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Dec 24, 2021

I've never claimed to be equal to the Old Guard, post WWII, gay leather men or even claimed to to be able to copy their strict protocols or hierarchy. They were a breed unto themselves and deserve to be held in awe and revered even (IMO). What I *do* miss is the era I entered (openly) into the scene back in 1996. We all talked about and recognized the romance of the Old Guard and expressed our open admiration of those brave and stalwart trailblazers. We knew we could never meet such a high standard but did what we could to incorporate "respectful" and "dignified" protocols into our heterosexual kinky lives while realizing our experiences could NEVER come close to the challenges they faced.

What troubles ME is that, right HERE, on this forum and in the blogs, there is so much open hostility toward those of us who tend to be "traditionalists". We're told to pack away our own experiences and our own feelings and don't dare talk about them. It's now considered rude, hostile and exclusionary to mention "how things were back in my day". Most of the people here will howl bloody murder that we're being stuffy, obstinate, exclusionary and "marginalizing" them.

In the last month I've seen two different blogs (different members) dedicated to scoffing at what they sneeringly call "Old Guard" while out of the other sides of their mouths *demanding* their own particular approaches be smilingly praised despite how foreign they can seem to someone who's been "around the block" for a few decades. The general consensus seems to be that we're offensive and seen as trying to invalidate anyone who came into the life after us. It's exhausting but they don't seem to recognize how very dismissive THEY are often being in their zeal to proclaim themselves the "new and fresh generation" of standard bearers. 😒

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Dec 24, 2021

I had intended to address your comment regarding Youtube doms in my previous reply to you. I'm going to say I was horrified when a friend sent me the link to the channel of a YouTube "dom" who's so outrageous it's hard to believe he's suckered in underage girls who are sending him nude pics and begging for his attention - openly and in his comments section. Yet a large percentage of people right here on these forums would shrug and decry "it's HIS kink" - "don't kink shame him". Because he doesn't OPENLY ask for young girls and openly solicit them, but he drops candy he knows will attract them and regularly hints at and makes innuendos regarding his delight in them making contact.Yet for many here, they'd accuse me of kink shaming him by stating how reprehensible he is. And no, I won't post his name or a link to his very exploitative YouTube channel.

UnleashedChaos​(sub female) • Dec 24, 2021

i wish the Old ways were still alive and well. I've only 10 years and a bit experience in the Life but i still hold collars as sacred. It is like a wedding ring to be collared, to me anyway. i hate this notion of velcro collars, and i will admit to not understanding the 'self-collaring' that so freely happens.

As a relative newcomer in the grand scheme of things, i relish the time i have in talking to those who were around when the Old School/Old Guard ways were prevalent, the way it was and respected. It speaks to me and i respect what they have to say. It is what i'm hoping to find in a dynamic of my own one day, but that hope diminishes with time, as more and more of those with their wishy washy ways come to the fore.

Please don't hobble off anywhere!! There are still those of us out there that love and respect those ways, though we may be far and few between.

~Chaos

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Dec 24, 2021

Thank you for not getting in the faces of those of us who *do* lean toward the traditions we first were introduced to. I'm mightily tired and frankly, ANGRY, with those who marginalize US and go on to dismiss and wag their fingers at us while demanding we respect THEM. I admire the Old Guard romanticism but know I can only call myself a traditionalist since the true Old Guard were the post World War II leather men. I do hope you're fortunate enough to find your own desires and needs met with someone who holds the same values.

UnleashedChaos​(sub female) • Dec 24, 2021

[quote="WytchyWoman"
Thank you for not getting in the faces of those of us who *do* lean toward the traditions we first were introduced to. I'm mightily tired and frankly, ANGRY, with those who marginalize US and go on to dismiss and wag their fingers at us while demanding we respect THEM. I admire the Old Guard romanticism but know I can only call myself a traditionalist since the true Old Guard were the post World War II leather men. I do hope you're fortunate enough to find your own desires and needs met with someone who holds the same values.[/quote]

Honestly, i can't believe that they have the audacity! i would think that they'd be happy to listen and learn, which is the view i've taken. i fully understand your feelings of anger towards them, as i feel the same - for different reasons of course.

i'm left feeling disheartened with how the Life is going now. It all appears to be for show. Where has the respect gone? When ownership meant something?

i could truly make a nuisance of myself with anyone who took the time, peppering them with questions, listening to stories of how it was. i think i was born in the wrong time sometimes.

Thank you for your kind words. i do hope there are more out there..