Am I turning into a Dom? Or into a switch?

Am I turning into a Dom? Or into a switch?

Shaynna​(dom female) • Jan 30, 2022

Hello.
I'm 34 years old and I don't have much experience in BDSM because I never found partners for it irl.
Since young, it always excited me to fantasize about being dominated but recently I've been fantasizing about dominating, and when I think about letting someone dominate me it makes me feel rebellious and I'm not sure if I could do it irl.
I wonder if I'm turning into a Dom or a switch? Is this normal? How can I explore my dominant side?
I don't know if it's relevant but I haven't had sex for 3 years and no online sex or plays for almost 1 year.
Thank you in advance for your help ^^

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Jan 30, 2022

Just one single line in your profile caught my attention - IMMEDIATELY - "Outside of sex - temperamental and dominant"
You seem to already know what your authentic self seeks. Well, aside from the temperamental aspect, which has no place being in a dominant's vocabulary.

The second line that caught my attention: "I hate cooking and cleaning the house." So clearly not a "service" sub - unless you will do it anyway (and with a cheerful attitude) even though you hate it .

So, yes there is an opportunity for you to explore the nuanced world of "switching" and that might be your best course to explore for now.

Shaynna​(dom female) • Jan 30, 2022

Thank you for your reply
No, I'm not the kind of person who does what she hates to do with a smile on her face. It's just that before, the thought of dominating someone sexually never excited me and now it turns me on, so I feel really confused.

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Jan 30, 2022

I'm not a switch so can't relate to a desire to be the one to take charge occasionally. There ARE many approachable switches here though and I'm hoping at least one can help you out.

Shaynna​(dom female) • Jan 30, 2022

Yeah it would be nice to talk with a switch, maybe one would see my post and reply to it

House Talion​(dom male) • Jan 30, 2022

Since it's not always about sex you can't go solely on that unless all your fetishes and dealings within the lifestyle are directly sexual. All in all, you do you and you better enjoy doing it or you'll have yourself to blame

Shaynna​(dom female) • Jan 30, 2022

Thank you for your reply.
For me it was always sex-related, for example, I never enjoyed nonsexual punishments, like having to write lines or being told what to eat and things like that, but I wouldn't mind experiencing that kind of things with me being the dominant.
Also, I like to take care of someone but I don't like serving people, in non-sexual ways.

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Jan 30, 2022

I'm always on the outside looking in when I hear anyone claim there's no sexual component to our kink - for THEM. I honestly can't wrap my head around how anyone can be content to clean someone's house, cook their meals, black their boots or wait on them hand and foot and all without having any sexual attraction to them. I'm more than willing to do all these things for my partner because I have a deep need to please - but not solely for the sake of *their* comfort. I'm unabashedly sexually arousal by their appreciation and responsiveness to my service.

Shaynna​(dom female) • Jan 30, 2022

I had a real-life 7 years vanilla relationship where my partner loved to always order me around to make things for him, maybe is because of that that serving people in a non-sexual way is so unpleasant for me. I don't mind doing it only when it's from my own initiative, if I'm doing it when I want and because I want then it feels good but it never stimulated me sexually, unless if it's a one-time thing like doing a maid/master play, with an outfit and all.

I also used to feel a deep need to please but nowadays I don't feel that and instead, I feel a need to have someone to please me and that that person would find it exciting to do it.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Jan 31, 2022

[quote="Shaynna"]

To me, if a person on either side of the slash is getting what they need or want from the other person, that person is 'serving' them.

Like WytchyWoman, i can't wrap my mind (or anything else) around non-sexual kink. On the other hand, i have been surprised by what can be sexualized.

i think this stuff is very individual and terms like "Dom, sub, switch, etc., ad infinitum," are just starting points, not an end point. Perhaps a Ditch or a Swom? i do understand when online and looking it's necessary to put identifiers out there though. Maybe change it up, put "Dom" or "Switch" after your name and see what happens? There's always your profile and communication to further qualify what You need/want, and you will likely attract different people to reflect with, so at the very least you will be broadening your options... sort of like sampling at 31 flavors ice cream parlor.

As long as you are up front about your quest, where's the harm? Actually, i think honesty and being real is a lot better way to approach relationship than trying to conform to a label that doesn't truly fit.