MommyDoms aren't what you think

MommyDoms aren't what you think

Redneck Kitty​(sub female){(mdlg)} • Jan 28, 2022

This is NOT mine. I found it on FetLife.

There are a lot of ideas out there as to what a Mommy Domme is, a lot of preconceived ideas probably based on talking to third party or biased others, or, God forbid, porn.

Here's mine...

When I think of a Mommy Domme, I don't think of someone who dresses you in baby clothes, or feeds you a bottle etc. That's not what I want in a Mommy Domme - most of the time.

My idea of a Mommy Domme is a very nurturing Dominant. She is a gentle touch when it comes to Dominance, she says please and thank you, but Lord help you if you disobey, because she will not hesitate to reinforce obediance and good manners by grabbing whatever item is at hand - and applying it liberally to your behind.

She indulges, she delights in, she doesn't force or try to make someone over. She encourages - she pays attention to the little details, and remembers. She knows exactly when someone needs a hug, a pat on the bum, a soft word, a tweak on the nose - perhaps an extra piece of chocolate cake.

She shows her feelings, shares her feelings, she is an excellent communicator. You never need wonder where you stand with a Mommy Domme, because she will tell you in no uncertain terms. She's not cruel, but she is able to tell you to go to Hell and make you look forward to the trip - all the while calling you 'darlin' or 'sugar pie'.

She doesn't raise her voice, because she doesn't need to - her submissive or submissives know she is displeased, and the depth of her displeasure is demonstrated by a mere raise of the eyebrow - that and perhaps how burnt your dinner is.

Oh, did I mention she can cook - or at least order out. She cares for her submissives, ensures they are fed and watered, taken care of because she knows that you get the best out of a submissive when you feed their hearts, minds, souls and tummies. You can't kneel on an empty tummy.

She is compassionate - to everyone around her - but don't mistake that for foolish - she knows exactly what is going on. She sees all, knows everything, says nothing. She may hug you, kiss your forehead, but she knows your sins, and still accepts your perfectly imperfect self.

She has a shoulder to cry on and two ears to listen - which she will do - for as long as you need. She'll hold you, rub your back, comfort you - but she won't coddle you. Once you've cried yourself out, she already has a plan for you to tackle that problem - usually yourself. She'll support you, but you have to take the reigns.

Don't believe that life with a Mommy Domme is easy, it's not. Yes, she's sweet, she's loving, she is indulgent, but she is still a woman and a Domme - both with needs and wants. She may cuddle you at night, but she'll still fuck you raw in the morning - she'll just coo soft words to you as she jackhammers her lust into your ass. She may call you a good girl, or good boy - or for some of us, a good bear - but you better keep your head between her legs and worship her until she's calling for Jesus.

In the dungeon, don't think a Mommy Domme will be soft. I have seen a tough grown man grovelling at a Mommy's feet, wiping his tears on the hem of her dress - and yes, she allowed that, because that's what a Mommy does. She may whip you within an inch of your life, but she'll be the first to cover your striped swollen ass with kisses before touching an ice pack to your cheeks.

Mommy Dommes do not go easy on you - they can't - they care too much. When the rest of the world is kissing your ass, or blowing smoke up your butt, a Mommy Domme will tell you the truth, lay it out straight, put you in your place.

She is fierce - do not expect to disrespect or hurt the ones she cares for and come away without a scar or two. She doesn't suffer fools, and she will not hesitate to call you out at an event - she doesn't wear that social media mask we all seem to have - where you can viciously rip each other a new one online, but be smiles and hugs at the next community gathering - Mommy Domme ain't got time for that.

A Mommy Domme says what she means and she means what she says - if she says she loves you, you can take that to the bank - that is gold bullion right there. If she says you're due for a spanking, you better grab your ankles when you get home, and don't make her come looking for you.

Now many will call themselves a Mommy, and they will role play such - don't get me wrong, there is room for that, it's pleasant and fun - but a real Mommy Domme is rare, and it's not a role - she just is. She could no more drop the personna than she could change the colour of her skin - it is in her to the very bone.

She is the Head of the Household, deserving of honour, respect and loyalty, not just as a Domme but because she is the keeper of secrets, the holder of hearts, the guardian of emotions, and the banisher of anxieties. If you go to an event, and she needs a seat, you either find her one, or you become one, because she will never ask, and she will never expect, and that's the reason she deserves the very best.

It is a strange mix having the two sides in one - the Mistress and the Mommy - like spicy and sweet. As someone I knew says, "Mistress makes it hurt, but Mommy makes it better".

I really like some sweet with my heat.

Miki​(masochist female) • Feb 1, 2022

Had to skim... Walls of text and my eyes ---don't see eye to eye-- so to speak..

But I got the gist of what you're saying. However there is no official dictionary of kink (or much else when it comes to interpersonal relationships of any type for that matter), so it lies with each individual what a "mommy dom" is and is not.

But if a "mommy dom" doesn't fit one's personal description--- that doesn't mean they're doing anything wrong.

just my thoughts on this.

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Feb 1, 2022

People lean heavily into their confirmation biases when they're so very flattering. We all do it at various times but it is worth making the distinction such as you did.

Shaynna​(dom female){SxH} • Feb 1, 2022

After reading this post I feel that I'm absolutely not ready to try to be a Mommy Domme, although I agree with what Miki said in her comment, I think being a Mommy Domme is too heavy for the current me, maybe I will feel different about it in a few years and then give it a shot because is something that I have interest in trying.

Redneck Kitty​(sub female){(mdlg)} • Mar 5, 2022

that's the great thing about this lifestyle though, there is no "right" way to be a mommy (or any title) it's all what feels right for you and your partner. The writing was just one perspective (not mine)

simplegirl • Mar 6, 2022

Good post

gillesderais​(sub male) • Jan 8, 2023

Great post. Thanks. This resonated with me in terms of what I'm looking for.

Sir Sylvain​(dom female) • Nov 5, 2023

This was the post that was sent to me by a friend with an attached message, ""You. This is You. You do this for friends and you don't even realize it." This was the post that got me to join this site, even though I have had a love/hate relationship with... similar, bigger sites in the past. And while I'm still navigating this particular place, this is the post that lets me know there are really great and insightful takes on what certain dynamics mean to them.

ObediantOne • Dec 11, 2023

I enjoyed and agree with your post and the comments.
The description of my Mistress/Owner is very similar to what you describe as a Mommy Dommy and I love that about her.

I understand that not every Mommy Dommy will be exactly the same, but that makes each one unique and special.
To me, the BDSM kink definitions are guidelines that can be used as a starting point and depending on the dynamics of the Domme/sub relationship may change to whatever feels comfortable.
In a Domme/sub relationship communication is key...what is expected of the Domme and sub...what the limits are both soft and hard...these can evolve over time, but always keep the communication active.
I hope my comment is useful. I was not trying to step on any toes.

Miki​(masochist female) • Dec 13, 2023

.... and I just noticed... Goes to show a thread can definitely last a long time and be useful even after the O P leaves this community, as "redneck kitty" has at some point within the past year.