Submissive male

Defender​(dom male) • Feb 21, 2022

I expect male Dominants have the same issues and for the same reasons.

I don't think there is anything unusual here.

IMO it comes with the territory.

(Although I am sure someone will disagree.....)

Steellover​(sub male) • Feb 21, 2022

It sounds like, the original poster is seeking a purely service-oriented submissive, and not a kink/play partner.

There is nothing wrong with this, as long as she is purely honest in what she seeks.

A lot of men think "Dominant Woman seeks Submissive" and their mind immediately goes to all the deliciously kinky fantasies they will get to experience by being with her. Obviously, what many dominant women are looking for in a sub, is NOT that at all.

I think that both types of D/s play- purely service oriented as well as purely sexual/kinky, are equally valid in terms of what a "True" submissive is or is not. You are not a "Fake" sub, or less of a sub, if you are not into purely no-strings-attached chores/housework and non-sexual services. It is just a matter of communicating what you are seeking. I would agree with the original poster that is is probably much harder to find a pure service oriented sub than a kink partner.

But I do think that in a serious relationship there should be some balance. If a sub is truely into his Domme, and the attraction and the chemistry is there then he will do whatever he can to please her. But when it is all about service, and little rewarding kink/playtime involved, then I think that type of balance in the relationship will be less appealing to most submissives.

Re: Submissive male

FetishWearLvr​(sub male){ } • Feb 23, 2022

What you say is probably true but for me personally, I have to disagree with this statement. I’m certainly a kinkster but I know my role and stay in it as a true submissive male. Sex is not something I deserve as a sub and I’ll be a slut for a Mistress if that’s the punishment Im to receive at that particular moment. I feel I’m a genuine sub-male because the kink scene and everything about it consumes my mind at all times and refuses to let me escape from it, which I love.

Being a kinky submissive male is where I belong. Serving Dominas where / when possible, purchasing new fetish wear or dungeon equipment for them on a regular basis, being true to the scene….that’s where I belong!

DomxJ • Feb 23, 2022

Same thing happens for Dom, Sub, Master and slave, little and daddy etc, irrespective of gender.
In india, geniune kinkster hard to find due to lack of proper knowledge of kinky lifestyle

Steellover​(sub male) • Feb 24, 2022

I think, getting back to the original post: It is a good one.

So many newbies come into BDSM, overwhelmed with these new-found and powerful sexual fantasies and want desperately to find an outlet for them.

Only many of them fail to realize, at first, that it's a relationship like any other, with give and take, sacrifice and commitment. And obviously, some of these dominant people who look for "submission" are looking for something very different than what a submissive new to BDSM think "Submission" is all about. It is more than just kink and hot scene play, and in some cases, kink is only a very small part (if a part at all) of what the dom/me is seeking out of the relationship.

It boils down to what, or how much of yourself are you willing to give versus how much is the dominant is expecting you to give of yourself.

I was a newb once like described above- I had these fantasies and wanted to live them out. What I have learned is that while I definitely want to submit, and be in a female led relationship, kink and intimacy is still important, and being a total 24/7 service/chore oriented submissive is probably more than I would want to commit to, given my other interests, hobbies, full time job, and such that I am involved with. Thus, As a submissive male I would probably not be a good fit for the original poster.

Aviezdx​(dom male) • Feb 24, 2022

I think, what few people are referring to, is that it will be a good idea if you make it clear on your profile. While I understand it can be frustrating that you cannot find a suitable sub, at the same time, provide more information on your profile can filter many of the unwanted messages. Wish you best of Luck Domina.

MelMell​(dom female) • Feb 24, 2022

Frankly I understand the frustration of trying to seek a male sub. I get so many messages just saying “own me” “I’m a sub” “I want to be used by you” which frustrates me to no end because I took the time to write a profile and I think I’m very clear about what I want in it. Some of these subs don’t even take the time to read the profile and only probably see “dom female”. I also find a lot of the male subs are more into the sexual aspect of the dynamic and not much else. I’ve been in a dynamic with subs like this in the past and find it very unfulfilling so I ignore messages from subs I see don’t take the time to read my profile. I’ve also noticed the majority of the dommes here are not interested in a sub that just wants sex and instead want a sub that desires a relationship too and all it offers, otherwise it’s simply a friends with benefits arrangement.

my Domina​(dom female) • Feb 24, 2022

That's why I didn't care to write everything in details
Hope you find a genuine one

Steven7393​(sub male) • Mar 19, 2022

Interesting discussion

When I read it I was reminded of the expression "topping from the bottom"

Anyone can be a sex slave. That parts easy. And not very altruistic.

But to be a submissive is far far deeper. Its a complete handing over of the mind body and soul in total trust to someone you have deep love and respect for

Its total vulnerability, total trust, total submission and total adoration.

Its not easy. That's one hell of a gift to give someone. But when you find the right person, the planets align, the chemistry sparks and its all suddenly worthwhile.

Huge huge difference between a sex slave and a submissive. In my humble opinion.

Submissive male

LoveMeDo​(sub male) • Apr 26, 2022

I like the ideas of submissive being a "fluid term" and "finding what submission is to you." In the past, it has been very easy for me to let a handful of BDSM talking heads, pundits or experts online dictate to me what my submission should look like. I find that I cannot live up to others' highly romanticized depictions of what a sub male should look like or how he should behave.

In my own, sometimes not so humble experience as a man interested in BDSM, particularly in FemDom, I have learned and evolved over many years of trial and error. I often have had to let go of my preconceptions about how a FemDom/sub male relationship should be. I have learned to surrender to my Wife/Queen/Goddess of 30+ years, who now tells me how *she* wants my submission to look like. I started out as a newbie once, with my long list of kinky wants and needs, pushing them on any woman who showed the slightest interest in dominating me. And, in my marriage, I persisted in this behavior until, after years of pushing to get what I thought I needed, my W/Q/G finally pushed back and told me she wanted to be in control of how our D/s relationship works.

It hasn't been easy, but I have had to allow myself to evolve from "do-me bottom" to "female-led submissive." Each day, I try to be more "receptive" than "penetrative" as a male and let my W/Q/G lead the way. And, I try to study feminist perspectives on masculinity and how it has been toxic and harmful to both women *and* men in the past.

The really delightful thing about this new perspective is that we both usually get what we need during play-time and between play-times, and we grow more intimate as each day passes. It is a new feeling to let go and let Goddess and trust that whatever happens is what is supposed to happen.