Punishment- What are the ABCs and 123s?

DrWakko • Feb 28, 2022

This sounds like a giant red flag for me. How does one go from the mindset of punishment right into the mindset of fun? Yes I used the word fun. A scene no matter how extreme should be fun (enjoyable) to both parties.

Even if the Top says we are going from punishment scene to play scene how can you be sure that you and your bottom are now both in the proper headspace.

This is a perfect example of how someone’s mental wires can get crossed and the lines of punishment and pleasure can get blurred.

pi in your eye​(other female) • Feb 28, 2022

Very Interesting topic...

Punishment, in my opinion should rarely happen. There are some who enjoy pushing the boundaries of what is required (ie:brats) and that is where the term "funishment" has developed from. Masochists sometimes, for attention or to get the pain fix they need become "brats" and taunt the Dominant into a position where s/he must respond and address the attention getting behavior.

A better question might be "what kind of a submissive are you?" Do you have a masochistic streak that needs to be addressed? Do you feel neglected if some kind of pain isn't being imposed on you? What is it that you require from the Dominant in terms of challenges to address the need for masochistic interaction?

So if you are relatively masochistic, and you've communicated this need to your Dominant and you aren't really challenging his authority over you, but you feel the need to be bratty from time to time, perhaps daily discipline sessions are in order.

Discipline is completely different from punishment. Discipline is to reinforce the agreements, and if a masochistic soul submissive, then discipline meets those needs as well. If you are an opinionated, intelligent submissive or slave, but obedient and working on keeping agreements by being a "good girl", you will have communicated to your partner how important pain is to you in your dynamic.

Punishment should be reserved for times when willful disobedience, dishonesty, or directly challenging the Dominant's power occur. If these major infractions within the dynamic are not addressed, the whole power structure falls apart. However, if a submissive has talked and communicated with her Dominant prior to these infractions; then she know he will keep the structure balanced. Being a masochist doesn't mean you want punishment.

A masochist needs a certain amount of stimulation within the power exchange; and that doesn't mean she wants punishment. No one should strive for punishment, and there should be a conscious effort on both sides to avoid it.

Aquarius Dom​(dom male) • Mar 3, 2022

Says who exactly? Not one of my submissives has ever objected to this ! This isn’t a rabbit out of the hat it’s an agreed protocol! They are generally very happy to enjoy a bonus spanking or whatever the punishment is deemed to be !

Oh and what happened to “Your kink is not my kink, but I respect your kink ?”

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Mar 3, 2022

I'm as confused as you are, doc. I've been in this lifestyle over 25 years and have never had a punishment administered and then immediately followed by some playtime (and maybe even a bit of slap and tickle).

I, personally, don't track that way. Punishment is a *serious* matter and when administered (in my experience), is followed by an apology, a show of contrition and a couple hours of downtime by both parties. On my part, to reflect on my transgression and to consider ways to avoid repeating it. I can't imagine it being treated so cavalierly that either of us would "get it over with" and move straight into a play scene. ‍♀️

bigandsmall​(sub female) • Mar 3, 2022

Seems to me that there really shouldn't be any issue with any form of dynamic if it is truly discussed before hand and if the parties involved know each other mentally as well as physically. If a partner is not in tune to his or her partner, and their needs, seems to me there would be no need to play games for attention. (Not talking about bratty behavior in that sort of dynamic) but the one where you are not getting what you need out of the relationship. What happen to just requesting it? Doing things to get more impact, instead of just saying, I find myself needing a little more or consistent impact than what I am getting, to your partner?

In my relationships, I have always expressed a strong dislike of the Cane.... grrrr .... so it is something not used in play. However, if discipline was ever required, it was the go-to form of "punishment because there was clearly no pleasure in it for me and I did my best to make sure there was no need for it. If I needed a little mid afternoon impact to settle my restless mind, without the need for a "scene", I would just present a tool of choice to my partner, who would know what to do, and get on with the day. Cause sometimes a girl just needs to feel. And people are not mind readers.

if something became a mental trigger for me, I would let them know after, because maybe he had no idea, but if he didn't respect that after being told or find a way to help me walk through it, then I ALWAYS have the choice to end it and walk away.

Like Spellbound(Mr.parker) wrote, punishment is a serious matter. and used as a teaching tool, not a play one in my personal opinion for me.