Mental stability

Mental stability

Dreedus​(sub gender fluid){Unowned} • Jun 24, 2022

Bit of a depresso post, but does anyone have tips handling body dysmorphia of gender? I am 28 and worried transition past 30 would be pointless, I cant start due to funding issue Im bit at a mental collapse at this point, I also have family I dont want to disown me for my feelings(they are heavily religious). Any advice on how to cope would be most welcome.

simplylaura​(sub female){djinni} • Jun 24, 2022

I'm a queer cis woman, so I apologize if I'm not the audience you're looking for feedback from. I'll happily delete if this isn't welcome. I can't speak of body dysmorphia, but I can offer support. I'm not sure how many vocal trans people there are on the cage, to be honest. Some, for sure.

But... friend, there's so much life past 30 and I've loved many a trans person who transitioned past 30. Please try not to despair too much that stupid money is keeping you from the body you should have been born with. Having an unsupportive family is awful. It makes you have to choose between your most authentic self and what has been told is unconditional love for you. I wish I could tell you to kick your family to the curb, they don't deserve you, but i know that's an oversimplification. When I was coming out as a lesbian, I surrounded myself by chosen family; people I could be out around. Are you able to find some folks local to you who could support you? Or a local trans support program? These programs take your privacy extremely seriously, so they can be a really good resource. If not online friends and family can be just as valuable. Trans mentors can be important and provide education, support, and love.

I wish I had more I could tell you. Just know that there are people out there rooting for you. Feel free to message me, but please know that I'm super busy and suck at responding at times. I make a good ear to listen though.

Hang in there. I'm glad you're here.

Notely • Jun 25, 2022

Growing in to the new your soul has blossom. Tools of glamour Dita con teese would day she uses whet beauty natural tools of beauty. You don’t have to go under the knife but there are ways. The book making faces it’s makeup artist book. YouTube good sorce of leaning many have transitioned. Be happy with yourself focus on the new do not worry people will have grow out of it you don’t have to tell everyone but those do get you. Time and place for everything don’t belief and religion stop you truly that’s whet they try to fear Us with truly wherever you want your passion of art whet you deserve in the universe your allowed to be there no rules really everything you were taught in last met it go listen to the universe let guide you on your path evolving into the sunset. Everyone feels with things but you getting to the core some will get you some won’t just keep going some day others will up to them not your job please others please yourself but love people if they can’t wish them well. Invest fund a art of career help you balance so you can accomplish your goals ask the angels and universe for guidance. Meditate , zone out do some self care go off grid go on adventure if you must find the peace you been missing find people like you in your tribe. Wigs , water bras , aesthetics mold yourself in this art. There a YouTube video called Making a Jessica Rabbit Costume (aka, how to fake an hourglass body shape!) example but a start. Best of luck

MargieFancypants​(switch trans woman) • Dec 26, 2022

I assure you, there is no transitioning deadline at age 30! I myself am almost 52, and I am just starting to transition — it was six months ago that my old self discovered me inside them, and realized my role in keeping both of us alive and sane as the world went mad and tried to kill us, again and again and again.

I had a sort of part-time existence at first. My initial appearance, and the cause for all the thought that went into "who is Ms Margarita Fancypants?" was a character sketch for a drag show for a trusted friend on their birthday. So from within, I guided my/his creative process, and so the kinky and hilarious "Noted Philosopher & Dingbat" persona emerged. And the show came to be, and it was a smash hit with the audience, who were by and large members of the Burning Man community. It was a perfect group to come out to.

His expectation was that cross-dressing in a more everyday context would be a constant experience of fear and vulnerability. And this is where my story really comes in line with the OP question; because the madness I alluded to before, which continues even now, about a quarter of a century on, had left him with severe complex PTSD. Coping with that had colored his entire existence in a negative and toxic way.

Going out as Margie did not invite hostility from the world at all! Strangers on the street acted friendly and supportive, not hostile or demeaning. I felt, and continue to feel, actually *safer* as Margie than as my old self! This was revelatory, and over the summer Margie became my preferred identity. It was therapeutic! Imagine my surprise.

And so it came to pass, on December 12, just two weeks ago, that I was in a thrift store dressing room trying on dress after dress after dress, and looking at myself, and thinking, "DAMN I look so good!" And eventually I realized this amazing feeling of being attractive, and hot, and curvy, was gender euphoria. And hey presto, my mind was made up.

I wanted to be Margie all the time. Forever.

My poor old self, once he'd realized that I was the answer to the mystery of his survival, had given me a summer in the sun by way of thanks. But in the end, it was a way that his tired, battered, abused, and disillusioned self could retire from the frustrations of the world. He is happy to go, and his parting gift to me was his body (in shockingly good shape after all his hellish experiences) and his life. And for that I am eternally grateful and endebted.

For, while there are horrific obstacles still to overcome, I have become both deeply empathetic and also tougher than nails, and with my satirical worldview I am equipped to deal with these in a way he never could hope to do.

Margie, in short, is not a threat to my mental stability, but an active righting force. And while I wish these decades were not gone, I feel ready to enjoy the decades to come in a far better way than could happen otherwise. I am ready for the world!

Re: Mental stability

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Dec 27, 2022

i do not think there is an easy or simple answer to your dilemma. i ditto what others have offered re finding people who are like you and/or are accepting to build a friend network.

i do not think religion is a good or bad thing, but what people do with it can be. To me where it becomes evil is when people and groups of people use religion to support their bias. To me the evil happens when people go beyond belief and act as if their beliefs are knowledge, fact. Worse, they put a stamp of approval on their notions and call that "God." To me, that's the ultimate mind fuck, because when a person is conditioned with that, it's very hard to break free of the psychological bonds that they are questioning "God," not peoples notions about "God." There are lots of sincere people who are equally entangled in that web who think they are 'loving' when they choose their conditioned notions (thinking that is "God") over their family.

And that's what it comes down to i think, we cannot win the wrestling match with "God." It took me half a lifetime to break free of the emotional bonds of religious 'knowledge." But when i did, it was instant and complete. i did not rebel against my condoning, i saw through it. i lost everything i had (literally), family,'friends,' the material wealth i had spent a lifetime working for. i started over. It was worth it.

i was free and at peace. i was a slow learner, i don't think it has to take a lifetime to process out of the web. i now quip: "being gay saved me from 'God'" What that really means is, reality saved me from wrong belief. In some ways, i consider myself lucky to have been the kind of person that some religious reject. Those who do not have such a reality of who and how they are often have no reason to question or examine their ideas that they equate with "God."

We who are outcasts are pretty common really, there's more of us than there is of them. Two books that are wonderful and enlightening are: "Infidel" by Ayaan Hirsi Ali, and "Educated" by Tara Westover.

<3

Re: Mental stability

dollMaker​(dom male) • Dec 27, 2022

I offer a few thoughts, suggestions coming from a place of being in a dynamic/relationship with a trans woman, and having tried to educate myself the best I can to be a support for them, to help me try and understand and also be an ally to trans people. My girlfriend has begun her transition, changed name and begun the long path to doing so medically (in the UK it takes 5 years to get a first appointment to just discuss it with a Dr in that field of medicine) and she suffers full blown dysphoria.

As a first thought I think it incredibly challenging, difficult and almost impossible for a non trans person to understand what gender/body dysphoria is, and how it can be incredibly debilitating, and ambush the person experiencing it, often during the most mundane and humdrum moments of day to day life, showering, dressing, seeing a reflection of self, all things that can trigger a really bad episode of gender dysphoria - I am using dysphoria here as while it can be related, dysmorphia is somewhat different.

I would, if possible, seek support, advice and friendship from trans people, trans support groups, both in person and online, though I think it important to say that there is no universality regarding being trans as many do not experience things the same way, for instance some trans people will not seek hormones or surgery to feel at peace, complete, nor even experience gender dysphoria much or at all while others will.

I would be careful regarding some online situations and places as sadly not all trans spaces are as welcoming or free of judgement as one would hope, toxic ideas re what is and isn't a trans person exist, some devaluing those who do not seek, or need medical intervention. There are even those that define being trans by a need to get that, trans medicalism is sadly an often forced view. It is as valid to not seek medical treatment, as it is to seek it. Its vital to define yourself by yourself, your needs, how you feel you need to be, what you need to become, and not what other people feel is the way, only you can be you, and that is fully valid.

Becoming yourself is never a waste, an ideal age, is what suits the person, they feel its right for them, so don't feel you are too old, you are not too old in my view to become your true self. Try to be kind and patient with yourself, if possible figure out your look, clothing, makeup, and name, small steps, hopefully ones that might help reduce those negative thoughts, feelings. If its safe to be yourself either alone or with those who accept you for you, that would help too.

The question of family and religion, the mix of the two is an awkward one, and I have no good answers for you, sorry.

I wish you the very best.

NoClvrNickname​(sub female) • Dec 27, 2022

I don’t really have any advice because I’ve never been in your position (body dysmorphia, yes, but I just don’t think that quite compares, yano?

That said, I don’t think 30 is too late. You have far more years ahead of you than you have behind you & you should do what is going to make you feel the best in the body you’re in & be as happy as you can be.

And I’m sorry your fam isn’t supportive. I’m 40 so can’t really be your faux-mom, but FWIW the sentiment is there.