How to get over a bdsm breakup ?

miss akairose​(sub female) • Aug 3, 2022

My breakup was mutual, it happened because of lack of time for each other and he just got too busy and my needs weren't met. But it still hurt like shit.

I knew why we had to breakup, I kept reminding myself of it everytime I thought of our time together. I deleted everything, by everything I mean EVERYTHING. Pictures, screenshots, chats, unfollowed him everywhere, literally made it as if he never existed.

My bestfriend also helped me. I took a day off to cleanse, cry and talk about it and get it out of my system. So maybe if you have someone close to you, you can talk to them about how you are feeling and you automatically start feeling better.

This is what I did and it worked for me. I was sad for like a week and then slowly things started feeling better. I moved on.

LoneWolf​(masochist male) • Aug 4, 2022

Well, I don't consider a BDSM relationship any different than any other relationship but that's just me.

Sounds to me like you just need to take some personal time for yourself. Breathe a bit. Do what it is whatever you do.

Or,

As some people say that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone...

I know from personal experience that breaking up sucks! We all deal with that in our own individual ways.

For what is may be worth. My personal saying is, "FUCK IT AND MOVE ON!" I know it sounds harsh and it's not easy breaking up. But, take this time for you!

Hope this helps... Think positive!

Noire​(sub female){Un-collard} • Aug 6, 2022

Hello Lovely!

Firstly I want to say that dealing with any break up is an emotionally vulnerable thing. I wish you healing and peace during this time frame.

As for my advice on how to essentially move on from a bdsm break up… Well I’ll just give you what works for me. Your welcome to use any of them to help you along.

1: Slowly get rid of reminders.
*Anything he gave you, any pictures, momentous you have from this past relationship. Get rid of it. There’s nothing worse then looking back at things or pictures that remind you of the relationship as a whole. *

2: Self love, self care and be selfish.
*Right now there’s a lot of emotions swirling around within you. The best thing to do is to be by yourself. Feel your emotions and care for yourself while in this tender energy. Buy some lingerie you like and wear it. Go get your hair done or do your make up. Buy yourself some flowers. What ever helps you feel happier and confidant with your own decisions is a good step to establishing self love and care.*

3: Abstain from sexual activity including masturbation.
* This one is the hardest one. Because no one wants to abstain from sexual pleasure. But when your emotions are all wrapped up in the past relationship. To the point your feeling guilty of experiencing an orgasm. Sexual intimacy might be something your just not ready for. You may want to build up your emotional strength and take your time in slowly experiencing your own sexual pleasure again. Instead of jumping into masturbating, try touching your body in a loving/sensual way. Remind yourself while careering your body that your a sexual being deserving of pleasure. An then maybe take it from there.*

I hope this helps and you find the emotional healing you need during this time.

Love,
Noire. ❤️

darlingdiana​(sub female) • Aug 6, 2022

Firstly, good afternoon and i am hoping today may have some bright streaks in the clouds.
i am certainly not an expert, and lost my first 5 year MASTER, so i can relate.
i think during this time it is so important to not be hard on yourself. As submissives we internalize release (regardless of whose decision) as rejection. Remember anger can be counter productive, this was once someone only you shared something very deeply with and the great news is those feeling are yours to keep in the vast space of locked doors in a woman’s heart.
Although the pain is treacherous, allow yourself to feel it, cry, and release your emotions. This shows you are worth the time to heal and that you shared and felt real love for your Owner.
i am going to give advice as gentle as possible.
Come to terms with the reality of it is over and the future will look different and not you planned.
The f words will come into play- yes forgive HIM. We are all guilty of being the releasee and the releaser in one form or another. This is no ones fault, and again there was once something and forgiving sets you free and your heart ❤️
Do not ever forget! Love sweet love… to feel it, burn in it and do it all over again when we are ready! All is fair in love and war.
Be thankful for the memories and time together later and isolate from common grounds or memories of HIM until You feel ready to not isolate anymore. Try not to say things to yourself like “i will find love even better later” do not set up false promises in your mind, but rather say “i am open to the Universe and whatever is ahead in my path for me” that is real, and you may excited again.
Either way let the pendulum swing for now and time sweet time.
You are not alone and have the Cage submissives to hold your hand during such a time.
Thank you so kindly for sharing and helping heal others 😉🙏🏻💕

tsi​(sub female) • Aug 10, 2022

Thank you so much for all the advices . It makes my heart warm

Neediness

DomxJ • Nov 11, 2022

See, Its affection , seeking partner's attention.And it is very much common in Vanilla and kinky lifestyles.It's natural and very partner feeling it about their partner.
Just you have to do things about it at starting of D/s dynamic Only.So that it will easy for both partners, wheather it's TPE with micromanagement ya macromanagement 247.

Curtain Call​(dom male) • Nov 12, 2022

I'm a Dom, but I completely understand. Community break ups are hard for a number of reasons. Not the least of which is going to events and seeing your former partner with someone else. There's only one way to get over it...time. You just have to be patient and take care of yourself in the process.

At the risk of sounding shallow, another thing that I found helps is sleeping with someone else. Just having a reminder that you're still viable, for lack of a better term, helps.

Regardless, hang in there. This will pass and you'll be a better person for it, believe it or not.

Miki​(masochist female) • Nov 12, 2022

Probably already said, I just skimmed the posts... -- I'll add to the potential chorus.

-It's like any other relationship.

-Don't blame yourself or get into the blame game in general

-Definitely avoid the rebound scenario. Very seldom ends well-- Take some "Me Time" and invest yourself in other interests.

Gelsemium​(sub female) • Nov 12, 2022

Oi vey - I feel this one.

I've not gone through a breakup in a very long time, and because of that...or rather, the reason behind that is because of -this- type of post relationship drop. All I can say is that you just -do- get on with life. For me it was getting angry as fuck over lies and bullshit and then just pulling myself up by the boot straps and focusing on other things. Work, fitness, goals, whatever it is. I also found that the general "fuck you" state of mind helped instead of the "poor me" because I personally can't stand the victim mentality (not insinuating anything, just speaking from my own personal point of view).

Other things I found very helpful was removing myself from the submissive state of mind, being more physically active, and making damned certain that I did things that brought me joy every damned day. Oh, I also removed all traces of the guy from my life, blocked his number, and made certain he could never get his greedy mits on me again.

As the saying goes..."You can't change someone if they don't treat you well, but you can make damned sure that they wish they had."

I sincerely hope your heart recovers, and please know I'm sending my best for your future.
- Gels

LordofPain56 • Nov 13, 2022

I've lost a few myself, but they weren't breakups in the sense that there was disagreement or incompatibility. They just disappeared. Years later, I found out that two of them had been in prison (not jail, prison) for extended periods of time. One of them was released after 14 years in the pen. I am pretty sure she is back in prison again somewhere, but, that would have been a violation of our covenant which forbids lawlessness. Did I miss them at first? Yes, and worried what had become of them, not knowing they had been incarcerated.
There was another one (a favorite of mine I had hoped to keep for life) who disappeared in 1999 and didn't resurface again until 2021. When we recognized each other, she gave me her new phone number and told me the apartment complex she lived in. I told her I was still living in the same house. Then a few months later, she saw me at the bagging counter in Kroger's while she was in the checkout line. She complimented me on the way I looked. She was with a female friend and I let her slip away. I never tried to contact her.
There were a couple others who also mysteriously disappeared and I never heard from again.
Each one of these gals were quite a mess, but when they were with me, they were happy, cared for and protected from all evil. It was like an oasis in a desert of chaos in their lives. They could have walked away from their debauchery just by staying with me, but I guess they needed more?
I never felt bad about the loss of any of these because I didn't give myself time for self-pity. I got busy. Earned money, saved money, made repairs and improvements around the house, Rebuilt, remanufactured or restored a couple of antique cars. I didn't think about it. So for me, the answer is; look FORWARD, not backward and move on with your life.