ZackFrak wrote:
I'mME wrote:
ZackFrak wrote:
No one coming into kink in the last 10-20 years or so gives a crap about the old guard and their "high protocols." I've met some of these guys and it's hard to take them seriously, but they take themselves so seriously.
What were some things you found to be hard to take seriously?
Have a good friend of mine, a woman who was with one of these old, high protocol guys. Tried to explain to me why she couldn't hang out because she now had a bed time and all kinds of other restrictions. I told domly dom dude that he can do his thing with her but he isn't dictating any rules over me by extension. I think he had a ridiculous, tabulated handbook for her to follow too. That didn't last long. Writing in all lower case as a sub is another goofy thing they do.
ZackFrak,
The ''girl'' you were hanging out with, that had a specific bedtime hour, did she seem like she was sad? Maybe she told you, simply because that was the reason she could not hang out and socialize any longer? Do you know about negotiating? I don't want to explain something if you already are aware, but if you know about negotiating, then she had an opportunity to negotiate when the rule was set. If two people decide to play together, then they should have a discussion [negotiate, talk about limits, what they want to try and get from the scene, BOTH parties. Many times these folks may classify themselves as Tops and bottoms. The same type thing should happen in a D/s dynamic. Two people [Dominants, subs, Masters, slaves, Owners, property], and these are just some more common terms that I listed. People can call themselves, label themselves, consider themselves anything they choose, and work out their dynamic anyway they decide together. After they have decided to enter into a dynamic together, then they [this IMO is not something should ever be skipped, implied, assumed, ignored, think bc you know your partner, you know what will happen. And even in the best of circumstances, life happens, it's what happens during that time and after is where a firm foundation will make a difference] even if two people are having some pickup play or a regular scening, and/or a dynamic.
Trust, honesty, respect, CONSENT and communication, are the things that make it possible to do scenes where one person is letting the other person tie them up, hit them with things, take away some of their 5 senses or all😳😌.
So your friend may have had a touch of pride in them when they said they had a specific bedtime. This hopefully is what she agreed to. What you don't know is why. She could have asked for her Dom's help at being better in getting more rest. Perhaps she was cranky all day, late for class/work because she was struggling to wake up in time due to not getting enough sleep. Maybe she has a medical condition and getting enough sleep helps that. Do you see how that may not be a stupid thing.
The bedtime was set to help her, she should also know what happens if she does not get to bed. This would also, or should also have gotten discussion and negotiating.
If there is a rule, there has to be consequences if the rule is broken. Could be anything, 1 infraction so and so happens, 2nd infraction then this happens and so forth. It could be taking away something, or loss of free time, corporal, it's all specific to that dynamic. It could be that that a good lecture [which makes subs feel lower than where one might find red wigglers, may be part of their dynamic.
As far as her writing in lower case letters, do you mean when she referred to herself?
I would have to have more information.
That particular thing could be considered high protocol.
But the other stuff I wrote about is just how a dynamic may work [but as we are supposed to be all adults in this world, it's up to the two people engaged with each other to define what that looks like.