| primerose |
2 years ago •
Nov 2, 2022
Well put. Thank you!
Literate Lycan wrote: So in answer to your question, as in support of what others may have indicated above, I’ll caveat with this statement: A Dominant is a Dominant, a submissive is a submissive and a Switch is a switch. Allowing a submissive to take the lead in the bedroom doesn’t make a Dominant the submissive. If a submissive wanted to practice Shibari and tie up their Dominant, that doesn’t mean there is a switch in the dynamic. And I don’t think any Dominant should be considered more or less for either going along as the Rope Bunny or deciding it isn’t their thing. Likewise, a submissive who has a night of fun, relaxation and sex planned out and desiring to take the lead doesn’t make her a Dominant - she (or he) just wants to offer something to the dynamic. Letting someone perform an act on you doesn’t make you submissive. Being submissive in the act does. Does that make sense?
If the Dominant literally assumes a submissive role and position, they are switching and that would pretty much make them a switch. Nothing wrong with that, but to paraphrase Secret Mind, “Words have meaning.” We don’t change the definition simply to suit an individual. Someone wants to call themselves a Dominant but they switch roles on the fly, they are a switch regardless of what they call themselves. |
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MissBonnie(dom female){oz}
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2 years ago •
Nov 2, 2022
^^^ and thats why hes the Literate Lycan
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MasterBear(other butch)
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2 years ago •
Nov 2, 2022
We are in a 24/7 M/s for the last 23 years.
I switch occasionally- only to Beloved- only with sex... I dont consider myself a switch. |
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nuli(sub female){Unkolared}
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2 years ago •
Nov 2, 2022
negotiation and compromise to me are two different things. compromise to me (and i only speak for me) means i am doing something to just make one person happy not me. Meaning i am with someone who desires a little and i am doing that for them, it does nothing for me. negotiation is more along the lines of when i am playing with a Sadist and we come to terms with what can happen during scene and what wont. we aren't compromising for the scene just what is comfortable for two people to scene with, but we are both getting something from the scene.
hope that helps primerose wrote: Enjoying the role makes sense. I suppose it depends on the person.
You said too many in the community compromise, but I thought negotiation is an integral part of the lifestyle. Unless that is a boundary for someone. Or do you mean compromise in a different sense? MissBonnie wrote: For myself I get NOTHING AT ALL from being submissive.
I understand that for others it rocks their "occasional" world (as the OP wrote) but for me I'd prefer to visit the dentist! For myself it has nothing to do with compromise or being threatened in my dominant role. I can and would do both but the question needs to be should you?.... and more to do with its not my thing, hence why I dont switch. For myself: if a partner that was submissive, required this of me. We would be a bad match as they would require more than me switching (even if occasional), they would need me to ENJOY the role. I would do them a disservice by "pretending" enjoyment. I couldn't, even though I'm capable of filling that need for them. Some times being "able to" isn't enough. More often than not in relationships (more so than casual play) when a partner compromises (anything) for a long time, for the sake of the other person it leads to resentment. Rarely can a person give and give of themselves while getting little to nothing in return that fits in with there own personal needs and desires etc. This always end in tears, sulking or separation. So many people in our community compromise. While the smaller things might work as treat or reward, the larger ones such as "role" (IMO) need to be truly listened to. |
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Literate Lycan(dom male)
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2 years ago •
Nov 3, 2022
MasterBear wrote: We are in a 24/7 M/s for the last 23 years.
I switch occasionally- only to Beloved- only with sex... I dont consider myself a switch. I don’t mean to hijack the discussion, however, I believe this is on point. I feel your comment falls well within what I stated. A Dominant who allows their submissive to play occasionally (much like a Lion or Lioness allowing the cubs to chew their tail) doesn’t mean they stop being the Dominant. It just means they are playing. Doing pervy acts with the one you trust most is awesome and doesn’t indicate any change in the status of the dynamic. You are a Dominant and the method of your dynamic play allows both parties to have fun. Spectacular! However, if someone says they switch, if they are switching roles entirely and have assumed the role of the submissive, mindset and all, then that is a switch. And that isn’t bad. I will say this, and it isn’t directed at you but more your closing sentence: just because an individual considers themself something doesn’t mean they are. I consider myself a Billionaire but apparently I haven’t won the lottery yet nor make nearly enough money. I should definitely buy a ticket though, otherwise, it’s just what I envision and definitely not how the world will see me. |
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MissBonnie(dom female){oz}
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2 years ago •
Nov 3, 2022
Also a long the same lines with what Literate Lycan wrote...( ok some venting too lol but it is a forum after all ) Who decides what is and isn't a submissive or Dominant action with things that are "sexual" in nature? One persons "sexual" submissive act, might not be another's. It how you see the act with your partner. When it comes to things sexual there realy isn't a community accepted standard other than mutual consent anf safety. Hell, when even does an "act" become kinky? One persons kinky could be another's yawn.
I know this gets discussed a lot in Femdom circles so figured I might throw it out here too (it gets a lot of Dommes mad lo some guys are raised on the porno view of Domination). Often Dommes stumble across male submissives that see a Domme and male sub in missionary position as her NOT being Dominant. That PIV is not Dominant as he controls the motion. You also hear the same with giving head, not Dominant. Or who initiates "sex" if its her, its Dominant. Him its not submissive. I say phewy, its stupid, its against nature, its we ALL do "sex" as a species stop trying to write a BDSM manual that not everyone agrees with. if it rocks your world, go for it! There is no right or wrong, only what is wrong for YOU and yours. If I want to give a guy head. How is my want ignored and turned into a negative action that makes me less domme . If I say shut the frack up and just take it, does it then suddenly become a Dominant action? Same with PIV or Missionary. If I want to be on the bottom and be serviced, the position of the bottom doesn't mean I am the "bottom in the BDSM sense" ok vent over 
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Literate Lycan(dom male)
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2 years ago •
Nov 3, 2022
I completely agree with Miss Bonnie above ▲▲▲
Which brings up a question: If a Dom and Domme are enjoying 69 together, who makes the sandwich? 😇😎 I personally love to eat! Nothing quite like throwing her down and sliding in to suck on her clit and play with everything until she speaks in tongues and looks like she's having an exorcism. That does not make me anything more than a man enjoying breakfast . . . or lunch . . . or an afternoon snack. Which returns to the OP question and many of the answers. The role you play or position you take in sex doesn't really impact who is who in the Zoo. It's more a mindset and how the dynamic sees itself. Great discussion. |
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RogueWolf(dom male){Gaiawolf}
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2 years ago •
Nov 4, 2022
I am mainly a Dominant, and I used to teach rope skills. Part of that meant that sometimes I would get tied for educational purposes. I didn't get anything out of it, from a submissive point of view. Did I enjoy it? Not really. It was ok, I didn't object to it. I didn't have an issue with it. I did not feel that I needed to identify in any other way, shape or form other than a Dominant, a Rigger. It did not change me, who I was or how I am.
Some people would see that as being submissive though, I'm not saying they are wrong, Neither am I saying they are right. Each person needs to be free to identify and label themselves as they wish, to be comfortable with said labels. Does it matter if a Dominant is submissive occasionally? No. Does it matter if a sub is Dominant occasionally? No. In a healthy relationship this is necessary, because sometimes the Dom needs to do something, like go to the doctor or dentist and it's the sub that makes them do it. Not as part of the D/s dynamic but as part of a healthy relationship. There's a verbal contract that each party will look after themselves and the other party helps them do so. They are making sure the other is their best selves. The only people who are accountable are the ones in the relationship, to each other. |
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niceguywithaplan(dom male)
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2 years ago •
Nov 4, 2022
Hi Everyone!
I entered this world as a sub and learned so much, I learned techniques, I learned the proper way to after-care, I learned the importance of building a world of trust in order to fully submit. After many years in the position, I learned that what I truly desired was to guide/lead others. I realized that over time, I was tending to leave clues and hints to my Domme on ways I desired to be trained, and that was the day I knew that something inside me had changed. I do not consider myself a true switch, as my deepest reasons for being in the BDSM world is to lead and teach others., and so I would never be honest with myself or a partner if I were to attempt to go back to being sub, that being said though, if it were to help my sub by observing certain behaviors for a short period of time, proper responses etc...I would be willing to do that, as a way to help her learn. In my humble opinion, being a good Dom is not about ego. Yes, you should have confidence, but if you are in such a state of mind that you cannot compromise to help your partner grow into what you wish him/her to become, it is time to rethink your commitment to your sub. Now that is not to say that you should allow your sub to top from the bottom, that is a recipe for disaster, but having open and honest dialogue can only help, and you'll know over time the motives your sub has for asking for certain things. If they are truly trying to grow for me, there is little I wouldn't do for them. |
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