Am I doing something wrong...?

Am I doing something wrong...?

Sweetn'curiousvixen​(sub female) • Nov 22, 2022

I know the tittle sounds a little self-victimazing but I'm actually curious
Context: I've been on this site for a little over 3 monts, and on the lifestyle about a year, I'm technically new and untrained, but I try my best to learn even by myself. I have been looking for someone for a while, but I only seem to hit dead ends. I think i am very clear when people ask me what I want and they seem to agree, but somehow end up in the same only-sex-then-dissapear route, I have only found one person who actually wanted the same as me but sadly it didn't work do to time different reasons, and I can't help but wonder if I am not being clear enough or if there is something I'm doing wrong?
How can I know? And how do I stop it from happening?
If anyone knows I would apreciate your input
Thanks for reading💜

CallMiDaddy • Nov 22, 2022

As a guy who has been looking for years, I can say that from your profile, you are missing a lot of key information.
Yes, the BDSMtest is GREAT, but that is useful only for getting an idea of what you really want.
Be specific about the age range your looking for, the gender, where you're looking, whether you can relocate, and more.
Be specific about the kind of kinks that turn you on or entice you (choking, fisting, anal, Master/slave, etc etc etc).
Having ALSO been contacted by dozens of scammers (if not hundreds), the following add up to a big red flag:
-you don't have a profile picture
-you're 18
-"you want someone to take care of you"
That last line makes it look like you're after money. There are TONS of sugar babies out there. Be specific about "how" you'd like to be taken care of.

If you really don't know your ideal kink situation, consider just blogging some of your fantasies. Those can really help people looking (like me ) get an idea of what you really want.
Hope that helps!
Ted

Miki​(masochist female) • Nov 22, 2022

... Even then, you'll never be able to prevent the Poke-N-Run guys. They exist across both kink and "vanilla" sites... and IRL.

I know I am one of the few women who actually prefer the "Cum and Go" dudes because I do not do relationships, and vastly prefer they beat it-- and then beat it.

...but that's hardly enough for guys to assume all women are into the one-nighter (or less) scene.

Yes as Ted said flesh out the profile with specifics but also make it clear that a lot of stuff has to be gone over when you meet someone who seems to check the boxes.

One way to run off most horn-dogs, add that you don't play with anyone you just met for "x" number of days or weeks. You can change that if you meet one who isn't a tool, but the chances are better the "Slam-Bam" guys will see that, pack up their dicks and disappear into their holes waiting for the next "vixen" to come along.

Sad but true most times. Not all men are like that by any stretch of the imagination, so I am not broad-brushing them, but more often than not you'll run into a dick-slinger whose skilled at the silver tongue, say all the right things, have you melt and fall into bed with them, get rod on, and vanish. Blo N go.----Unfortunate fact of life.

Best of Luck!

Fyglia Wicked​(dom female) • Nov 22, 2022

I don't know how old you are but one thing
That has been true for eons is action speak louder than words..
It's going to take more than verbal agreements to vet people to know who's worth your time and who's not..

And no your profile does not make you look like you're looking for money.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Nov 22, 2022

I've been here for 2 years and haven't found anyone that "sticks". Be patient and work on you. Write a blog, participate in the forums, get to know people as friends because friends are an extra pair of eyes who can steer people your way.

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female){LJ} • Nov 22, 2022

The best advice I can give is to slow down. Get to know the person minus the Dom aspect first and find out if you like him. Likewise let him see your personality beyond just being a submissive. Basically don’t focus on the common kinks until you know you both like each other.
Once you’ve found someone and you like each other, he’s going to want to know who you are as a submissive. So take the time before you find him to make sure you know.
Being as young and inexperienced as you are, you’re probably getting lots of interest. I would actually recommend taking your age off your profile to limit some of the more predatory types.

DaddyXX • Nov 22, 2022

first..dont take it personally...are many flakes..posers..etc online..number 2..READ..all you can get..on the subject..actual books..not individual comments..or advice from strangers..who likely know LESS than you...18 is awful young to want this but are some that 'feel it'..early...tread carefully..the 'rules' or protocols for one may not be for you..nothing is in stone....me?.. 35 years involved,observing, learning,teaching..

House Talion​(dom male) • Nov 22, 2022

Most of the ppl within this lifestyle are users and abusers or ubber-doms. So you can deal with it, learn to recognize the idiots, or stick to the vanilla ppl that treat ya worse. Yoy could have a protector, but just having that on your profile does practicly nothing for ppl that don't care. So your only real option for sticking around is to find a partner that's gonna treat you the way you wantnto be treated, but for the multiple partners you've already had it doesn't sound like you're very patient- if so, that needs to change or else yore just gonna end up with another idiot.

You want training? Message me and I'll see what I can do to help.

Defender​(dom male) • Nov 22, 2022

You say in your profile:
"I hope to learn as much as I can and hopefully make friends."

Delete the rest of your profile and concentrate on that - for now.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Nov 26, 2022

Refuse to fuck them- then see who sticks around.

Boundaries first.