Tips for going to first BDSM party

Tips for going to first BDSM party

Snowangell​(sub female) • Dec 4, 2022

I’ve been thinking about going to a bdsm themed Christmas event/party. Big party, lots of people going. Is it okay/safe for me to go alone? I don’t have anyone I know personally in the lifestyle (which is why I want to go to try and meet like minded people) but I’m a little hesitant cause I don’t know what to expect? Anyone have any advice or tips who’ve maybe been to something like this?

Curious Creature​(sub female) • Dec 4, 2022

Snowangell,

I am very interested in the responses to your post. I have had similar questions. Thank you for asking!

-CC

Miki​(masochist female) • Dec 4, 2022

Is it local to you? Do you know anyone who indicated they are going, too? Generally a place with a large gathering should be safe, but still, if you have some good friend or trusted acquaintence who would be interested in going, that's the better bet overall. Not that there is always something to worry about in these situations, this day-and-age, but an added level of "security" never hurt. And a side benefit, if you goand don't know anyone from a hole in the wall, having a friend will set you more at ease and you'll be better able to just "enjoy the scene".

But, depending on what you're looking for overall, it's good to make contacts, friends, even but on a "first time around" it's seldom a great idea to bring anyone home. If you meet someone with whom you click, get a number, etc. Contact them another day and set up a way to meet and get acquainted. If they're worth their salt, "There Ya Go"!-- On the other paw, if they're just looking for a skin-on-hot-sheets session, they'll move on and you lost nothing....

Of course unless, of course, "Hot Sheets" are what you're looking for. Then if you click with someone, tell whoever went with you that you'll be OK and have at it. ---- Nothing wrong there, BTW, when I was active I did that all the time.

Bring 'em home, roll around all night, and in the AM a cheerful "See Ya!"

Kurai Mori​(dom male) • Dec 4, 2022

My first clarifying question to the OP, would be venue? What are we talking here - a person's home? A public club? meeting hall?

I used to attend Fetish Night - an event that was put on by a local night club in Eugene, OR (many moons ago). And as it was a public venue, I felt rather safe attending the event. Which was demonstrations, dancing on the dance floor and general socializing - as it was a bar. I went mostly for the demonstrations.

Later - events came to mean - parties at people's homes. But I had spent time at the local munches and got to know the people before hand.

I understand that there are BDSM social clubs out there scattered about. But I have not had the pleasure of attending events in these locations. So, I am not aware of any vetting procedures - required before attending.
I recall a group in New Mexico - requiring you attend a class that they held prior to their parties. As a way to vet - the people attending.

Fetish Night in Eugene was an open event - with a bouncer at the door checking ID's of those attending. I'm sure they also had a counter - to keep track of the attendees as to not over-fill the venue.

Otherwise, I would suggest using your own commonsense. Do you feel safe at the location? Is it in a populated area (i.e. downtown)? Or is it out in the boondocks??? Someone's barn out on the back forty up against 1000 of acres of National Forest?

kaoh • Dec 4, 2022

LUBE!!!

moll​(other female){owned slav} • Dec 4, 2022

Honestly, not a good idea to go to a party as your first experience in any BDSM community. Your first venture into any BDSM community should be a munch. Especially because you don't know anyone that will be there and it doesn't seem like you are going with someone.

I'm not saying that parties are inheritably dangerous, because most events in BDSM communities have what is referred to as "dungeon masters." These are people who are monitors. They make sure that people are not breaking the club rules and if someone needs help...they are there to assist. In a private home setting, there usually are not any monitors.

I totally get that you may be excited about getting into the lifestyle, but you have to be aware that BDSM communities attract a lot of unscrupulous people and a lot of times they are difficult to spot by newbees. Nothing wrong with being a newbee....it's just the first step on what can be a wonderful life.

Again, start out with going to a munch and get to know people in a "vanilla" setting.

MsLas​(sub female){- rope -} • Dec 5, 2022

First, kudos to you for being brave enough to consider going on your own. Many don’t even get that far.

My first party was a Christmas-themed fetish night at a local lifestyle club. I did go with someone, however, there are many who go alone. The atmosphere was fairly casual and welcoming, so try not to be nervous. 🙂

I don’t know if you’ll have time for this before your party, but hopefully, this is just the first of many others you attend. I’m going to assume you saw the event on another fetish site. You should be able to see the other RSVPs… read their profiles and follow the ones you’re interested in meeting, not just for future play, but as potential lifestyle friends. They may recognize you when they see you there and come introduce themselves. Or vice versa. Go into it with no expectations except to get a feel for the venue and the local scene. 🙂

From a wardrobe perspective, most start with vanilla-appropriate clothes and change once they get in. Many women bring lingerie to change into a little later. Most of the clubs/events I’ve attended are very body inclusive. I usually wear jeans in the door and change into a very tight dress and heels once I get in. You can’t go wrong with a black dress, fishnets, and heels. Sometimes I change into lingerie, sometimes I don’t. I usually strip to my panties for scenes, so I like to keep it simple and easy sometimes. If you plan on changing, don’t forget to bring a lock… preferably combination (you don’t want to have to find a place to keep a key).

I would also recommend attending munches, sloshes and meet and greets. They’re more casual and low key, and a great way to meet and vet potential play partners. Many lifestyle clubs have meet and greets on Wednesdays or Thursdays.

Once you starting getting out and meeting people, it’ll develop further organically. I go to clubs and events by myself all the time because I know enough people now that I always have someone to chat with there. And my tight dresses and fishnets lure in the rest. 😉

missusK​(sub female) • Dec 5, 2022

Yes, you can go alone, but may I suggest you reach out to the host/organizers and let them know you'd like to come, but are a bit hesitant to go alone (think of it as vetting, most lifestylers are happy to see this type of assertiveness). They'll be happy to walk you through the course of events, and let you know if there is an indicator system. Some places use wrist bands of differing colours to show interested, not interested, part of a couple, etc,. Other locations require specific coloured clothing, or the like. They'll let you know how it works. They may even ask a dungeon monitor keep an eye on you, discreetly, of course. In the very least you'll get smiling face when you arrive, which makes everything a bit more bearable.
And if you have time, get out to a munch, a workshop or something before hand to meet a few people who may also attend and to also give you some comfort around nudity, public kink, etc. It can be quite a shock if you're unprepared.

Some tips:
Dress comfortably. I know you want to look stellar (and you likely will look incredible!), but you'll look better dressed with confidence than if you're pulling your hem down all night.
Take an aftercare bag with you regardless if you intend to play. A food, some water and a small blanket for sure. The first time for most things is quite intense, this will be no different.

Have fun!