What is it that you (subs) desire?

LordofPain56 • Jan 20, 2023

I'll suggest by offering the 12 components of love as a minimum to start with:
Faith/trust
Communication
Quality time
Physical touch
Gifts/surprises
Empathy/compassion
Keeping promises
Words of affirmation/praise
Acts of service/sacrifice
Forgiveness
Fidelity
Discipline
In my view, The Dom is exempt from receiving tangible gifts from the sub, but I wouldn't prohibit the sub from offering them. Also, as the originator of the house rules and relationship rules which had been agreed upon in our "covenant", and knowing that I never break a vow, I would never need discipline. Any transgressions outside the rules for which I need to obtain forgiveness/discipline, I will receive from God. All the other components listed above apply mutually.

TheRealM • Jan 21, 2023

A strap on in me everyday for at least 6 months

brattymom​(sub female) • Feb 13, 2023

I will say as a sub especially since I’m still learning what I like and what not, having my Daddy, he teaches me different aspects. He sees what I like and don’t like and adapt to it. I’ve told him I’m willing to try anything for him. He does in turn show me so much respect and I can feel the approval. He tells me when I’m a good girl. The affirmation is definitely something I enjoy. But mostly I just love getting his attention. A simple phone call. Or when he picks out my outfit or my food to eat. It makes me happy. I do agree that every sub is different but I can definitely say that if you find a sub who is new they may not know yet. I’m still learning more and more everyday about myself.

Hopefully this was somewhat helpful in answering your question.

julietteE • Feb 13, 2023

Hi. I know this probably seems like a basic answer but I want to feel safe and taken care of. I want to be able to relax and be the young playful person I am inside. It sounds like such a small thing but it’s not. It’s hard to find someone that ai feel safe with. (I’m not speaking of sexual activity, though, of course, that matters too). I’m just saying that it’s hard to find that feeling of safety, trust and contentment with another person in life. I long for it.

missusK​(sub female) • Feb 14, 2023

Most are going to give you answers about specific things they want/need for their D types. I'm going to approach it from a different angle and answer what D/s provides to me. This means it isn't something that a Dominant does specifically, but a space/service they provide....

I am a people pleaser. Always have been. D/s gives me a space to please others as well as serve, but within the confines on consensual boundaries. Limits, desires, and everything between is discussed and through that honesty, trust and respect are created.

I have anxiety. Small things like picking what to wear, or what to eat can lead to me becoming flustered and ultimately deciding on nothing, leaving me not eating, and in my pajamas. Having someone remove those options makes it so I don't have to fret and be anxious over mundane things, giving me time/energy for people pleasing/serving my D type.

D/s gives me a space to explore my sexuality without judgment and shame. Being told to do something takes the worry of "is this sexy?/Does he like this?/etc, away. Our discussions afterward give me space to work through emotions that may come up during those explorations, in a safe environment.

The power exchange allows me to step outside of my day to day (kids, work, pets) where I need to make decisions and allows me to simply follow orders, knowing I will not be lead into danger/harm/etc. This act of surrender frees me from the restraints of life (even if temporarily).

D/s gives me a space to fully find out who I am and to become the best version of myself.

Re: What is it that you (subs) desire?

becx​(switch female) • Feb 18, 2023

One thing I'm learning while new to this is everyone dies things for different reasons... I adore being s sub or pet .... the good girl his Lil cum slut... because mainly it pleases "him" and that turns me on because I'm happy he's happy but maybe this is where the switch in me comes in but I want all his cum not just cause I'm his xum slt but so there isn't left for any other girls hahaha then there's the cuddles, and if ur gonna be mad at me I rather u handle it in the bed and just know we fixed that kinda kink and then sometimes in drunk and idc 😏

JustMe​(sub female){NOT lookin} • Feb 18, 2023

In my opinion it is all subjective to both sides of the leash. What works for me, might not work for Another and their sub. But for me 2 things are an ABSOLUTE NEED! #1 Trust, that runs so deep it would be like going to the core of the earth. And #2 Integrity, If one does not have these qualities then how can one grow and evolve In their roll they chose? How can one not feel safe? As being an epileptic. … If these are not met attributes, then it can potentially mean I am not safe or They can't even focus enough to see if I might be having a seizure.

MIND SPACE

SirTOuTOO{~ 2u2 ~} • Mar 6, 2023

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- With such a busy 'attentiveness 2 vanilla' as you appear or admit to have,...
Q1: Is there a particular 'ritual' which 'centres' you and brings you into sub/slave 'space' ?? ( mind-frame / receptiveness i.e. Kneel / posture training )
Q2: How long does this 'transition' generally take - and have you found it to 'shorten' with - a) Time & repetition Or, b) Sir, giving a few taps with a cane etc. ??
Q3: When the dynamic 'interaction' is over,... is there time for 'coming back' to vanilla - before you 'get back' and how do you deal with that 'reverse switch' ?? (pun)
.
Steve
2u2
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Re: MIND SPACE

missusK​(sub female) • Mar 6, 2023

Q1. Rituals do help with this, but for myself, they are not needed. I actually fall into a submissive headspace fairly easily, sometimes in spaces I should not, if that makes sense. This is certainly an area where you will see a difference between subs/slaves. I only need an order, a request, an assignment, etc, and I can live quite contentedly in that space. But I will put everything else to the side, so having a D-type who wont take advantage of that is of paramount importance. But I am aware of my submissiveness in every part of my life. When I interact with strangers, drive, etc. How my D-type would expect me to act in those situations dictates my responses. But bondage, kneeling, and maintenance spankings are very beneficial ways of speeding up the process.
Q2. I've never received a punishment through pain. I have been given a correction using a cane etc., but as a submissive I know when I've messed up and am the first to admit so. I will beat myself up harder than anyone else if I feel I have failed or let my D type down. The punishment that I receive is a way for me to atone to that and have forgiveness. But to answer your questions, the mindset change from "vanilla" to "submissive" happens quite quickly for me. I have however had the opportunity to live it for extended amounts of time, which makes it easier. For another submissive, it could take an extensive process. A friend of mine is told to have a bath by her D-type and that is how she knows he is giving her space to transition form a to b. He leaves her for an hour and then comes to wash her and do an examination. Each dynamic is different and you need to find what works for you.
Q3.I'm assuming you mean the "scene", because the dynamic is constant. Whether we are 5 feet away from each other or 5000 miles, it is always a dynamic. I am always a submissive and he is always a Dominant. I treat him the same way in either space. But as you transition from one space to the other, open communication is what will facilitate the "switch" as you call it. There also has to be room for questions and answers. On both sides of the slash. Moving out of submissives headspace to "vanilla" is harder, because it feels so good to be in that mindset and the world awaits outside of it. But I give myself time by myself, and move at my own pace. And most importantly if I need help, I ask my D-type for it.
I also think its important to remember that Dom's are humans too, with needs and wishes. I come at my submission with a desire to serve, and in turn I am given a space that serves me.

Re: MIND SPACE

SirTOuTOO{~ 2u2 ~} • Mar 7, 2023

.
Great replies as expected. Thank you.
- I can relate to the 'command' versus 'posture' and 'gentle - tappy-tap-tap - persuasion'....( different strokes for different folks thing) because I have experienced these with various subs,... each 'tailored' to suit their needs or sensibility. As you say.
- Yes, it's a gradual learning process for each, and each with quirks,... like wearing in new shoes. ( patience is a virtue when getting to know a new sub - there's no 1-size fits all - no matter if remote/virtual or IRL)
- The bathing, (or shower) is an interesting 'pre-scene' method ( I haven't had time to explore it in this modality )... but have used it more of 'post-scene' almost - combined after care & preliminary mutual clean-up function.
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Candid open replies were very much appreciated, and adds to the 'knowledge-base' of all readers.
Steve
2u2
.