Never had sex, where do I start with the community?

Never had sex, where do I start with the community?

jcurious • Apr 1, 2023

In my 20s but have never had sex (lots of factors but I’ve been ready to do so for over a year but have had a lot of life going on). I’ve been interested in exploring BDSM for *years* and am looking to start now. I would appreciate all advice and also kindness as I am super uneducated but interested in learning and being respectful of the community! More details:

Any tips on disclosing my lack of sexual experience? I imagine it’s important to let people know about that in the interest of honesty and trust but I’m worried about judgment. Any thoughts on timing / to whom?
I’ve heard about munches / meetups and they seem like a great way to get to know people. Can you weigh in on what to expect at one?
Do you have any resources you particularly liked when starting out? I’ve read that classes can be a great one. I’m in NYC if anyone has any local recommendations.

In general, I’d like to narrow down my expectations. I think ideally, I’d love to find a dom who is willing to explore with me but I’m not sure how realistic it is to find somebody who will want to play with someone with little to no experience. Thanks in advance

dollMaker​(dom male) • Apr 1, 2023

There is no shame in not having been sexually active, and its vital to take this on board, BDSM does not have to be, and for many it is not sex, no touching or penetration ever occurs.

Many activities on their own are totally asexual, flogging, impact play, violet wands, bondage, to name a few, though they may cause arousal, that does not have to be followed through on with sex, and indeed its perfectly ok for no consent to be given for more than the activity on its own. To cross that line would be a violation of consent, possible sexual assault, even rape.

Anyone no matter what part of this they come from or to, has a right to state what they want to do, have happen and that is where it goes, nowhere else. Boundaries and limits should be sacred.

Now for some BDSM is very sexual, sex occurs after, before, in the middle as part of a scene but its important to state and negotiate where you want to start and what your limits are, and if you do not want to have sex as part of your BDSM experience now, but maybe later, its important to discuss and in the case of those for whom BDSM is an overtly sexual expression they may not be for you now, but maybe later on in your BDSM journey. Not saying sexual people can't conduct a scene without sex as part of it, but in a long term setting it would not be their ideal, so those who don't do sex might be a better bet to explore with early on.

Hope the above offers some help.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Apr 2, 2023

*profile does not exist*

Steellover​(sub male) • Apr 2, 2023

I don't get these "Drive by hit and run" posts. Spammers?

dollMaker​(dom male) • Apr 2, 2023

Still a topic worthy of discussion, for those who are too nervous to ask.

Sultanking​(dom male) • Apr 2, 2023

Can I follow on and asked basically what the above person asked
Never had sex
Not going to until marriage but highly interested in bdsm.
What should I do

dollMaker​(dom male) • Apr 2, 2023

Well if you are coming from a conservative Christian angle, do nothing until you marry, because engaging in BDSM before marriage, technically would in many conservatives view be sinful.

Sultanking​(dom male) • Apr 2, 2023

Ok what about online or cyber
Is that also out of the window

dollMaker​(dom male) • Apr 2, 2023

Yes, again in a conservative Christian theological view, the strong impression is that thinking it is viewed as the same as doing it, so whether virtual, online though not in person, and whether involving actual activity, or only the written word, if it creates arousal, sexual activity, by hand or by toy, it is the same as doing it. So if that is your mind set, your beliefs, understanding I would hold off till you get married.

Sultanking​(dom male) • Apr 3, 2023

Ok thanks for the information really hoped I could do something as I always wanted to but not sure when I would get married the wife will agree to be a sub or at least willing