| MandatorySub |
1 year ago •
Apr 9, 2023
Shy Doms?
I am very extroverted, but I am still learning how to navigate the beginning stages of a relationship with someone who is shy. Self proclaimed shy. This is even more curious to navigate with a Dom.
Any tips or insights in terms of building trust with a shy Dom? I am curious about how I could help him open up, and what not to take personally when it comes to communication or lack there of. |
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Heero(dom male)
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1 year ago •
Apr 9, 2023
Not much to go on here. I don't really see you getting anything beyond generic advice here, because there is not much to go on.
You say self-proclaimed shy--is there no evidence of shyness otherwise? Do you not think he's shy? What are the ways in which you find his shyness affecting you building rapport? What are some ways in which you would say he is NOT shy? Beyond that, all I could really say is that it will take time and communication and getting to know each other and learn that you can both trust each other. Shy people will often open up to people that they know they can trust and who they know trusts them in return and accepts them. So, without much else to go on, I would say it would just take some time, patience, and communication. Unless there is something really off--which you'd have to mention to get advice on it--I would say it is probably best that you pretend this is not a problem and try your best to just build a dynamic together anyway. Over time, things should get better in this regard--under normal circumstances. |
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B L O N D I E(sub female)
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1 year ago •
Apr 9, 2023
I'd say there's a difference between being shy, being introverted, and just being cautious. If he's an introvert, then your best bet is to take your time like Heero said. Don't push the dynamic to be something that it isn't before its time. Get to know him and build a foundation of mutual likes and interests before you expect him to trust you enough to open up about anything deeper.
If he has any brain at all, he'll be cautious about trusting and giving too much away until you establish that base. This lifestyle can be just as dangerous for dominants as it is for subs. Respect the fact that he probably doesn't want to jump in boots first with someone he doesn't know. Take the time to get to know him and let him open up at his own pace. Good luck. |
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| Defender(dom male) |
1 year ago •
Apr 9, 2023
[quote="B L O N D I E"
If he has any brain at all, he'll be cautious about trusting and giving too much away until you establish that base. This lifestyle can be just as dangerous for dominants as it is for subs. Respect the fact that he probably doesn't want to jump in boots first with someone he doesn't know. Take the time to get to know him.[/quote] Good advice ^. Discover the person first, then discover the Dom. |
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| Defender(dom male) |
1 year ago •
Apr 9, 2023
[quote="B L O N D I E"
If he has any brain at all, he'll be cautious about trusting and giving too much away until you establish that base. This lifestyle can be just as dangerous for dominants as it is for subs. Respect the fact that he probably doesn't want to jump in boots first with someone he doesn't know. Take the time to get to know him.[/quote] Good advice ^. Discover the person first, then discover the Dom Apologies for double post! |
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| MandatorySub |
1 year ago •
Apr 10, 2023
B L O N D I E wrote: I'd say there's a difference between being shy, being introverted, and just being cautious. If he's an introvert, then your best bet is to take your time like Heero said. Don't push the dynamic to be something that it isn't before its time. Get to know him and build a foundation of mutual likes and interests before you expect him to trust you enough to open up about anything deeper.
If he has any brain at all, he'll be cautious about trusting and giving too much away until you establish that base. This lifestyle can be just as dangerous for dominants as it is for subs. Respect the fact that he probably doesn't want to jump in boots first with someone he doesn't know. Take the time to get to know him and let him open up at his own pace. Good luck. My question was more about getting to know the person. Its not about being shy about dynamic topics. I was hoping shy folks had insight to share about building report |
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B L O N D I E(sub female)
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1 year ago •
Apr 10, 2023
Yeah, I understood that. I'm an introvert and the best way for someone to get to know me is to start with superficial topics and let the conversation develop organically. Your original post specifically stated that you wanted to find a way to "get him to open up". The best way to do that is to stop trying to get him to open up. Just talk to him about whatever and don't put so much emphasis on it meaning anything or getting deeper than he's comfortable with. Allow that to happen fluidly over time without trying to push it to go deeper than it already is.
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Sasa(dom female)
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1 year ago •
Apr 10, 2023
Shy... that's a strange word and it is important to know what it means for him. Ask him... don't assume. I'm introverted and need space before I open up. With people I know it is changing. That is not shy... just needing time.
You might check if his behavior is avoiding... Holding a lot of distance has often the effect that the other person gets insecure and starts clinging. A normal reaction but hurtful and not healthy. I'm sure you know that. We deserve people which are emotionally available. Wish you all the best |
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