Is this normal?

Is this normal?

innocent princess​(sub female) • Apr 16, 2023

I'm newer to the community and just things in general, I did a scene with someone online and afterward I just felt melancholy and devoid of any energy. (Honestly I wanted to cry) Whereas thought the day before the scene I was energetic and busy and super excited for the scene.

I enjoyed the scene and everything there were no problems in that area, and this person was very considerate as I am new.

I'm just wondering if this is a normal feeling after doing a scene with someone? If its not I was wondering what anyone suggests to deal with and or avoid it from happening again?

Any advice at all is appreciated

jildo • Apr 16, 2023

it can happen just to be ok with how the scene is finished. there's always another time to have a fantastic time in the scene again later. do not get worried over something you can not control. enjoy when it's right. smiling for this experience, a lesson it was only that.

B L O N D I E​(sub female) • Apr 16, 2023

Yes, it's normal. It's called sub drop and you can do some research on it which will help you deal with it. It's best practice for two people who have done a scene together to contact each other the next day to reconnect and process. Dominants can also drop, so this will help you both. Good luck.

jildo • Apr 16, 2023

great point and advice given. I like it without researching.

Heero​(dom male) • Apr 17, 2023

Yes, it is normal. And as @B L O N D I E pointed out, it is highly researched and discussed. A quick google search can do wonders.

But I also recall responding to a similar thread here: https://thecage.co/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=4697&start=0

Many people gave suggestions and resources for dealing with sub-drop. Including our dear own @B L O N D I E.

B L O N D I E​(sub female) • Apr 17, 2023

Thank you @Heero.
I seem to recall this thread. For me personally, sub drop goes away when I'm in a stable, long-term, committed relationship. I think a big part of the problem that causes sub drop is playing with people we aren't in stable relationships with. This exaggerates the feeling of being used, that the other person doesn't really care about us, and that we're alone with all these heightened feelings.

This has been my experience with it. For me, communicating with the other party after the fact only matters if that commitment is there. I need to be secure in the knowledge that they do care about me and that they're as invested as I am. I hope that helps.

Heero​(dom male) • Apr 17, 2023

I haven't looked into this angle much.

What I can say is I think that what you describe can definitely make the situation worse and more extreme. If you don't really feel safe, supported, and stable in a dynamic, say playing with a new partner, or with one that you trust with kink things but not much else, then yes, the sub drop can be worse and more prolonged.

Other than that, I am not sure what the correlations are between subdrop and...relationship stability(?) are.

I believe what you say is true for you. And it is worthwhile advice. But I would want to give even more options just to be safe. For sure, a supportive partner that you have a stable and trusting relationship can make a world of difference.

QeD​(dom male) • Apr 18, 2023

I think @Heero is making a valid point. Humans are quick to make patterns out of individual circumstances. That being said I don't want to invalidate experiences anyone made but to give the OP a helpful answer some more information would be helpful to truly determine the cause and nature of your "drop"(it's in quotes because it sounds like a drop but could also be something else).

To leave actual advice that extends the great minds that came before me I would recommend you reflect on what submission means to you and why you enter into scenes with a person. That's the nexus of all your emotions and if that base is out of balance(for example you get pressured into something, feel you have to make up for missing out or justin general being new and overwhelmed by BDSM as it is) it's will cause turbulences inside you like you experienced.

House Talion​(dom male) • Apr 18, 2023

It's fairly common to have such a reaction after a scene wether you're experienced or not. Consider the scene as a whole. Did you get what you wanted? Was it everything you hoped for? If so then you were simply still in the mental state of sub space reliving the emotions from the scene as it was exactly what you needed regaurdlesa of what you wanted and thus you had an emotional orgasm. If not then having been through such without getting anything you wanted was such a drag that agter it was over you felt drained as everything was taken from you and nothing you wanted or needed was given.

I'mME • Apr 21, 2023

I'm unclear as to how someone could trust someone with kinky things , but not much else.