1 week ago •
May 27, 2023
1 week ago •
May 27, 2023
There is no pat answer.
Every sadist has their reasons that may be wholly unique to them.
For ME, it is about balance.
A great MANY sadists I have known are hugely generous, kind, warm, compassionate, gentle, loving people. More so than often anyone else. I consider myself someone that falls into such a character.
I have discovered within myself for as deep as my care and compassion are so also is my ability to not care and lack empathy.
I can be the gentlest soul you've ever known......and the cruelest.
Personally, I have seen that the measure with which I am good (I use these terms ONLY as an explanation NOT a truth) also is the measure with which I am honestly evil.
I am both saint and sinner.
Depraved and innocent.
I honor the truth that I am dark as well as light. And I choose not to ignore, gaslight myself, or fight this reality. I choose to lean in and see myself honestly.
I gave up wondering 'why'. Its like asking why the sun shines. If you could explain it scientifically, great. It does not however change the effect it has on my and others life.
It is honestly an extreme way of loving, in my lens.
I love so much that I lean into the pain, suffering and depravity. Because that is life. It's not roses all the time. Life is not always gentle. Sometimes it is brutal.
In a clinical sense I am deeply aroused by causing another pain, discomfort, anguish in a consensual manner. It is not the ONLY way that I am aroused but it is a very powerful way!!! Seeing someone broken, crying, mascara running, bleeding, sweating, heap of a mess is exceptionally erotic to me!!!
You know the reason I enjoy that???
Because being the one that is also able to be there to mend her. Hold her. Support her. Love her. Care for her. Dress her. Encourage her. Guide her. Shower her. AFTER all of that uncomfortability at MY hands is a way of me taking responsibility for my shadow self. By proxy loving my darkness. SO many people run in fear and do not want to face the darkness within themselves. I just simply happen to have decided not to.
As expressed above.....it is a way to break off the constraints of having to be prim and proper in everyday life. A way to 'let loose' the darkness in a safe, sane, and consensual container.
This is NOT a one size fits all.
I've known plenty of those who call themselves sadists simply as a way to be cruel and have it 'justified'. Generally, they do not last very long in the community.
Just MY point of view.
NOT the end all, be all of truth.