Hi, slut

Miki​(masochist female) • Sep 13, 2018

I have received a greeting or two in that manner and truth to tell I didn't think much of it or the situation in general as it is the impression I give in my profile, But "after further review" I can see that leading off with something like that is disrespectful and/or presumptuous unless a profile blah specifically states that a given sub or masochist such as I-- actually like being addressed in that manner. Otherwise assume the least common denominator and simply greet the would-be sub as one would greet anyone they're meeting for the first time, either digitally or in person.

* * * *

I have also noticed that some elements of a profile blah get more attention than others Take mine for example: I don't travel or entertain online acquaintances because one never really knows what is on the other end of the data link. I get my action locally with those i already have seen out and about.

djinni​(dom female){smplylaura} • Sep 13, 2018

Generally, I just roll my eyes and move on. Though I’ve been known to rip someone a new one if they catch me on the wrong day.

I was taught to always be polite to a Dominant ... BUT what my mentor doesn’t know... won’t hurt... lol

sweet november​(sub female) • Sep 13, 2018

You were talking about them if you notice that in your first post you mentioned that other post in the forum and said a PARTICULAR POSTER said......
And that particular poster actually stepped back and said he understood the point of not starting off that way. However it just kept going on and on and I thought that was wrong. Have a nice night.

quote="Savida"]Okay, well, I wasn’t talking about them, I was talking about that style of greeting, because I was curious about it. Again I didn’t want to hijack the other thread, which had already veered off into other territory at that point. I didn’t name a person, I named an idea that is shared by many, judging by how many subs complain about being greeted that way.

It’s my understanding that many new forum posts are derivative of other threads and say so, that was my only goal in mentioning that my topic came from another thread, ie, “saw this topic in this place, I don’t agree, would like to discuss.”

Re chasing people away, I will express disagreement when I don’t agree, but that isn’t the same thing as chasing away someone else, in my opinion.[/quote]

DomForHer​(dom male) • Sep 13, 2018

I would never address someone that way as an introduction. Not how I was raised. I believe a sub should accept a dom as hers just as a Dom would accept their sub once expectations and communication has been established. No matter roles you should still be respectful.

SevenSeven • Sep 14, 2018

As soon as I signed up for this website, I received that exact message. At the time, I didn't even have a profile so I didn't indicate that was something I'd enjoy on my profile. I never even replied. I believe that before it becomes a power exchange relationship, we're two equal people getting to know each other. Therefore, I believe all interactions should be respectful, just like you would if you met someone in a cafe or somewhere. I think greeting someone that way without prior approval is so inappropriate and completely turns me off.

burned​(sub male) • Sep 14, 2018

well I was not going to reply to this as it seem pretty straight forward. but in a work email I received it brings this topic to the top of the list, so here is my two cents...smiles

saying "Hi Slut" as an opening statement..is just flat out wrong (in my opinion). just my soap box here but please read

Good evening fellow "Cage members" what is Your definition of Dignity?
What does it look like to treat someone with dignity?
" I want to be treated with respect", is the usual term we use to describe the expectation of a positive interaction with each other. However, the attached excerpt from the book, "Leading with Dignity" , distinguishes the true meaning of treating each other with "dignity".

What do most people get wrong when thinking about it?
The most common misconception about dignity is that it is the same as respect. "wrong!"
Dignity and respect are very different.
Dignity is something that we as human are born with. We do not have to do anything to to have dignity Every human being deserves to be treated with dignity. no matter what they do.
Respect, on the other hand, has to be earned. if I say I respect someone, she or he has done something special to deserve my admiration. I say to myself, "I want to be like that person. She/He is a role model for me.
(to me that makes sense.)
So for someone to just say "Hi slut" shows me that they are not giving the dignity that is given, (being a human being) and shows me they really have no respect for that person, who ever that person is.

Now as for the kinky side, if the Dom/Domme have discussed this with the sub/slave and they have agreed on a commonality to use such words, that is a totally different use of the word or words. so go forth and use the words as needed.

just my opinions here I am not judging anyone at anytime for anything being said, I just felt the need to chime in.
( as I have been called out on a few of my opinions from a few in here) but when I respond to a "forum" I feel it is just my opinion saying something.

anyway just my two cents, removes the little soap box. smiles take care a/ALL

Savida​(other female) • Sep 14, 2018

[quote="marsha xo"]You were talking about them if you notice that in your first post you mentioned that other post in the forum and said a PARTICULAR POSTER said......
And that particular poster actually stepped back and said he understood the point of not starting off that way. However it just kept going on and on and I thought that was wrong. Have a nice night.



I think you’re viewing this as a continuation of or reply to that other thread and anyone who was involved there.

It is not.

sweet november​(sub female) • Sep 14, 2018

@savida then why did you bring the previous post and poster up?

Again, passive aggression.

But the question is valid. Just didn't need to bring the previous post and poster up, who said he understood the point of view.

Same old same old group stands together no matter what on that other post instead of using listening skills, understanding and guidance.

Have a good discussion.

Fudbar​(dom male){❤️❤️❤️} • Sep 14, 2018

I could see why you feel that way. I'd like to think that I'm a part of that group BECAUSE I've demonstrated listening skills, understanding and guidance. If you feel I didn't show that, I apologise.

That thread was a mess. It's worth noting that one of the participants got banned for the exact same sort of behavior he demonstrated in that thread.

You are correct in saying the other one took my criticism well, but he then went back and tried to make more generalizations about subs and the discussion under the guise of 'political correctness', which you endorsed and encouraged with more generalizations.

Let me be clear; the rules and code of conduct on this site are well laid out. If you disagree, perhaps this isn't the right place for you, but I hope you stay. Just please avoid generalizations. This is a highly diverse group that defies those sort of general rules.

The folks that have spoken out have received these sorts of comments often publically and privately and seen good friends suffer and leave the site because of them.

I'll admit there is some prejudice in that, but I'd hope you can understand the reasoning behind it.

I don't think it's fair to call Savida's behavior passive agressive. Site rules prohibit naming names, so it's difficult to walk that line at times. Was there a bit of sarcasm in her approach? Yep. Can't argue with that, but I honestly think she and others are genuinely puzzled and curious about the motivation and success rate of those types of communications.

It's been my experience that the Doms who use language like that never explain or clarify why they do so, nor have I seen a sub speak up to say "I met someone like that and they're a kind and good person".

Sav was right to break off that off topic question. I'd encourage you to do the same regarding your feelings about the 'same old group'. I've seen and known about every member of that group showing compassion and understanding to new folks. If there are new folks who feel otherwise, I'd encourage them to speak up, either publically or privately to me. I'll be happy to make sure their viewpoint is heard too.

You don't have to like Sav, and she doesn't have to like you, but please discuss the issues and ideas. You're both smart and can speak for yourselves. I'd like to hear more from both of you.

I'm not always right, and I'd enjoy and welcome more civil.discussion and criticism when I'm not. Usually the other side just uses ad hominem attacks when their ideas are refuted fairly and intelligently, or simply deletes my comments and blocks me.

I've yet to block a single person and do apologise when I'm wrong.

Nobody is wrong here, but the discussion is drifting towards ad hominem. Let's not do that.

sweet november​(sub female) • Sep 14, 2018

I've recieved several emails of thanks for my comments so I've not much more to say on the matter.

Also, this site will suffer by losing members because it is obvious of some group mentality and I date day even bullying, and I can't stand bully behavior. And I stand by my passive aggressive comment.

I don't always agree with you, Fudbar, but I have no qualms with you as you are respectful and explain your reasoning.

I'm tired, many are. This is all hard enough as it is, then to be criticized on this site, yes.

And how do you know someone was banned?

Do the admins give you this info or are you an admin? Just curious.