Is kink still important to female dominants?

MstressWhipplash​(dom female) • Aug 17, 2023

It's about where the priorities are for me. Obedience to my way is first, then doing stuff when and how I want it, including kink.

A male who thinks his submissive because he wants stuff done him is a play bottom.

Submissive to me = the guy actually gives up authority to that Dominant Woman they are in a relationship with. That's why I refer to them as "Lifestyle Submissives and Slaves" to differentiate those others who solely want play and zero outside of playtime.

For a guy who wants zero outside of play, he is more suited to politely booking the services of a ProDomme. But of course the whining guy who wants what he wants but doesn't want to pay for it - I see at best as a submission fetishist=he likes the idea but has zero intention of actually submitting.

This is most guys - they are not submissive but play bottoms. Pick up play is only done in real life at play clubs where I can see how he behaves around fetish activities. For info use your good manners guys.

Ask a person you are interested in what their priorities are. That answer shows so much.

If he says I dunno what's yours? Well he does know but he doesn't want to be declined. I prefer honestly. So if he cannot share his view I decline him.

Why? I like honesty.

tldr - Yes AND coupled with an emotional connection, a spark

MrsKrisp​(dom female) • Sep 2, 2023

I want to share a few of my experiences. I will attempt to include only facts and leave out my interpretation of what the other party may have been thinking/feeling or hoping to achieve.


1. Met online. Moved to phone conversation. The topic of kink came up aaannnddd he immediately became domineering (claiming to be a sexual Dominant) telling me what to do instead of being curious. Immediate turn off. Next.

2. Met online. Moved to phone conversations. We talked easily about all kinds of things. Multiple phone conversations before we met in person. Definitely a sustained attraction after meeting in person. Eventually kink came up. We “scened” a few times over the phone. It was fun. It was HOT. He didn’t want to meet in-person anymore. He claimed exploring anymore kinks would be bad for me and that he was just too effed up as a person to drag me down to his level. I’m not going to lie and say I dropped him like a hot potato. I was attracted to him. I begged a little. But only a little. Next.

3. I decided to skip the connection, the spark and go straight for the sex. Met online. Met him at his to chat. Felt okay about the situation after the initial meeting. So we met again. Scened, but I was dry. Literally. I felt like i was outside of my body, observing, analyzing, storing ideas away for trying with someone I liked. Next.

There were more online chats and phone conversations that didn’t make it beyond those respective stages. For me, it was because the spark wasn’t there. And I wasn’t leaving the house for less than that spark ever again.

I’ve had a few experiences in which the interaction was solely based on the kink. There was only one in which kink and connection commingled. But that relationship withered when he chose not to move forward with me.

I cannot speak for other women. I can say that I am more interested in being attracted to the person. The idea of kink is stimulating but not as stimulating as the idea of sharing the experience with another person. My pleasure stems from knowing another person trusts me enough to give up control, to commit to putting me first, to submit to me setting the tone and pace of our interactions. The easiest way for a submissive male to get all the kink he can stand from me is to first be interested in me as a person.

Otherwise I think the following says it all.

my Domina​(dom female) • Sep 6, 2023

It's a thing to realize when we understand the difference between a dominant woman and a Domme. And the scenario you mentioned is something we all notice when it comes to Dommes(not all, just some of em) but it's something that exists among Doms too but yes, that's very rare to find.

Steellover​(sub male) • Sep 8, 2023

So then, it seems like, there are two kinds of dominant females: On one hand, those who MIGHT wish to explore their kinky side, with the right person, in the right situation, and if the connection and the chemistry is there. And on the other hand, females who are dominant, but who have absolutely no interest whatsoever in kink of fetish, under any circumstances. But- the problem is, most submissive men tend to seek the former rather than the latter. Which results, often, in the latter group viewing all submissive males with contempt. I am not saying it is wrong for dominant females to have no interest in kink or fetish- like all of us, they are entitled to like (or dislike) whatever they choose. However, I do get rather put out with being told I am "Cringy" or gross, simply because I do like kink and fetish. If something, or some relationship dynamic is not your thing, it is counterproductive to be judgemental about it.

As someone who was once new to submission, I can clearly remember the overwhelmingly powerful feelings of wanting to submit, and wanting to experience these things first hand, and perhaps letting these feelings get the better of me, early on. And this is where I think a lot of guys fail: They don't look for chemistry, don't care about the other person as they are too much inside their own head, and don't want to wait for the relationship to develop, and badly muck up their approach.