Solo Play

Solo Play

Sololoquy • Oct 7, 2023

In some senses, I'm an absolute beginner, never having engaged with the community/scene before. In others, I'm not really, having engaged in some BDSM both alone and with a partner for about twenty years.

I've been single for seven years and plan to remain so, but as part of getting past a bunch of hang-ups, I'm exploring this side of me more actively and wondered if any of you engage in solo play. If so, I'd love to hear more about your experiences.

Sincorrigible​(sub female) • Oct 7, 2023

Hi there

I've read your profile as well, so my interpretation is that you're questioning solo play in terms of sensations you could experience?

This can be difficult to answer/make suggestions because sensation is very very different when received at one's own hand, compared to when administered by another. Both the physical and the mental side of course.

However, having said that, you can try out any number of bdsm associated sensations solo.

You could tie ribbon/string/rope about your person.

You could wear a butt plug.

You could self flagellate (wooden spoon, other kitchen utensil, crop, flogger, ping pong paddle).

You could use ice, wax, massage oil.

You could play with edging. Self denial.

You could experiment making yourself cum over and over.

You could self pamper: long scented bath, long hot shower with loofah.

You could go for a professional massage, a float spa experience.

You could make yourself complete a certain task you don't want to do.

You could go barefoot. Wear your shoes on the wrong feet.

You could wear a piece of jewellery differently.

Eat with your knife and fork the wrong way round.

Make yourself desperate to urinate. And wait that one moment more.

And a million other sensation /input things that make you FEEL.

But of course, it depends what you're trying to get at. Ds and bdsm for me are about feeling. And those are some of the physical things that might help you feel and explore your sensuality.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Oct 7, 2023

i hesitated to respond to this because i don't engage in solo play. i even don't like to masturbate.

If i died and someone had to pack up my belongings though, most would doubt the above comment. i have chastity cages, lots of dildos, plugs, an expensive fuck machine, e-stim, speculums, restraints, gags, lots of sexy wear. i never use them.

my kinky, sexual self is responsive. Responsive to the opposite of who and how i am generally speaking. i'm yin and need Yang, so solo play for me feels fake, disingenous. i don't have any top in me, so i can't top myself. What i have discovered is i do cannot separate the physical acts from the energy behind them. my desires/needs exist independently, but they require someone else to fill them.

Sex for me is a conduit for connecting with another person, so solo doesn't work for me.

Miki​(masochist female) • Oct 8, 2023

@tallslenderguy:

Interesting.. And opposite of what a lot of people want to think when it comes to men.

The old adage "90% of men whack off and 10% lie about it" shit.

Who cares, really? It's one of those "Battle of the Sexes" lines of crap.

I never liked that alleged axiom, and I'll add that women who say that tend to want to overlook what women do.

Personally there is no shame in the art of Self Employment, better said as Self Enjoyment. I do it often and am proud to know I can get my jollies without the bindings of a relationship, especially now as I am "socially inactive"-- meaning I will meet and/or play with no one I know in person, let alone people I meet online. I never have nor ever will entertain Online Creatures.
-----------------------------------------------

I only posted to speak from the other side of the coin, guy. No affront received no ofense intended. But for me "Solo is the Only Way to Go".

-- or in this case cum.

Sololoquy • Oct 8, 2023

Thank you! This is very helpful 🙂 I hadn't specifically thought about sensuality, but I think that's a perspective I could give more consideration to, using some of the examples you gave.

Sololoquy • Oct 8, 2023

I guess our situations are quite different then. I feel that my sexuality is mine to share or not with another person, but it isn't dependent on them. The sexual sensations that please me may be brought out by another person or by myself, logistics notwithstanding. Choosing not to be in a relationship (and I don't want casual sex either) would mean never being sexual again if I didn't do so myself. I imagine that our priorities will be different and that a relationship would be of more importance to you than it is to me. And that's all good - not a judgement.

Personally, I feel fundamentally dichotomous. I rarely find binary options I don't end up straddling. I often see both sides without feeling like I belong to either. My natural state always seems to be mediator, always between.

I get what you mean about being disingenous/fake, but I'm the opposite. To claim I'm a dom or a sub or heterosexual or homosexual or a man or a woman or intense and serious or immature and whimsical: any of these would be disingenous. I'm a switch, bisexual, agender and absurdly serious 🤔 or seriously absurd 😅 I don't know... I like balance and feel that that's really me. Yin and yang, masculine and feminine... I want to be in touch with the interplay of both, not choose a side.

So, being solo for me means self-mastery, exploring different sides, and integrating them into a whole that is neither one thing nor the other, but just is.

I do appreciate your perspective and there are elements I think we have in common, so thank you for sharing. Food for thought 🤔

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Oct 8, 2023

And vive le difference, eh? "To thine own self be true...." That's opposite of disingenuous. i subscribe to the spectrum theory of sexuality. You seem somewhere fluidly in the middle where i tend to hang consistently at one end. Go figure?

i too feel my sexuality is mine to share or not share with another. i'm not sure i'd could use the word "dependent?" Maybe in a sense. E.g., i can penetrate myself, but i don't want to because things i crave most from sex is are missing, the drive, desire of another person to penetrate me. i don't have that. i don't have the drive, desire to penetrate. And that's just one of many examples.

i can create my own sexual sensations that, in part, please me physically, but that alone leaves out other parts i value more. For me, sex is largely a conduit for deeply connecting with each other. i can, and do, masturbate, but there's always an element of disappointment for me. It's a compromise for me in several ways. For instance, it relieves physical sexual tension. But, the sexual tension that i have when i don't masturbate feeds into my overall desire to be available to receive a Mans desire/need, and that ends up being more important to me as part of sex than the physical sensations alone.

my being 'available' it's not altruistic.

Nor would i want to have sex with a Man who's just doing it because i wanted or needed it. Mutual desire/need from opposite sides is the ultimate goal for me, a symbiotic connection. To me, "relationship" can happen in the moment, it is not necessarily an ongoing commitment. A nod to astrology there, i'm a Libra and i want balance.
To me, being solo, self mastered, independent are all pre-requisite to being in relationship. i do not see relationship ideally as two halves making a whole, but two wholes making something different, more.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Oct 8, 2023

Ditto re "no affront received, no offense intended."

i don't see or feel there is a standard for our sexuality, that one way is superior, or the 'right' way. To me, that is ego/ethnocentricity rearing its head. It seems a consistent human inclination to treat our feelings/ideas, etc., as "the way it is," and, to me, much of that is unconsciously done. But reality is, we are all different with similarities between us. So, hopefully, we know our selves, learn how to communicate, and find ways where we aline and where we may want to interact and connect with each other (or not).