Are your fantasies holding you back?

Zelia • Oct 23, 2022

I don’t think fantasy holds me back. In truth pursuing fantasy can be a dangerous pastime. Often what we fantasise about isn’t what we actually want or need.

None of us are perfect so it is fruitless to seek perfection or ideals. Lives are complex. Needs, wants and desires vary.

In my experience give and take, compromise, compassion and understanding lead to a more flexible and resilient relationship.

Steellover​(sub male) • Oct 25, 2022

I think there comes a point where you are right; pursuing a fantasy can be dangerous.

It can lead people to a dark place, where they either can no longer relate to the opposite sex in a healthy way, or worse, even lead to pathological behavior. By this, I mean, the compulsive public masterbators, the guys who steal underwear at the laundromat, or even more pathological and outright dangerous criminal behavior I don't even want to talk about. These are the guys that live in their own heads to such a degree that their fantasies take complete control, and they become warped and outright dangerous.

I am not trying to imply that having some far out fantasies are going to turn a guy in to Ted Bundy, or even a peeping tom or public monkey spanker.
Only that sometimes it helps to keep it in perspective.

I identify as submissive, and I've seen it go the other way, leading to self-destructive behavior; either finding someone who takes advantage of you financially, or going so far down the rabbit hole with extreme fetish/fantasies that it make sit hard to pursue a healthy normal relationship with a real woman.

AsPetrichorr​(switch female){not lookin} • Oct 26, 2022

I found worthy person only now who is build from same clay as I am, it took us 20+ yrs to figure out what we are to each other and it happened to be my long term friend we were on and off with communication. Until now I only liked people but not loved. Its kind of odd situation I think it was the addiction of each other over the years without knowing it. I think the person with matching dynamics which sets free both of people is very important and really worth the hassle of finding it...

Sololoquy • Oct 23, 2023

I don't feel fantasy holds me back, just gives me clues as to what I "truly desire" to quote Lucifer. Sometimes it's obvious, other times more hidden.

I'm a fairly pragmatic person and am now even less able to romanticise another person because I'm more interested in compatibilities between who we really are rather than hearing a lot of idle flattery, laying on the charm, promising things that are unrealistic. To me, the romance comes after we've established a relationship that's based on something real. I want the fantasy to be grounded in the real, not the real to be an intrusion upon the fantasy.

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Oct 23, 2023

No not really.

To be really honest, I've done things or been part of things a great deal of this site does consider fantasy. Somethings I've done once and won't do again, others I wish I could do again, but seems unlikely given my age.

Some of my skills have atrophied due to lack of practice and others have become obscure.

So it is not so much me, as it is finding someone to match my level.