Being sexually open

SnowMinx​(sub female){Owned} • Oct 31, 2023

Ms Flame, we should chat!

Miki • Oct 31, 2023

The subject never really came up.

Not that my parents weren't interested in my safety but they did not feel the need to nose into every detail of what I did when I went out.

Aside from impressing upon me the expectation that I be home at a respectable hour they left what I do up to me and whomever I went out with.

I started screwing around kind of early, at 13 , but that was not all that unusual among my peers) but the family never dug for details.

I didn't get genuinely into kink until after I was away at college. Again, my business was mine as long as I remained in one piece.

TheObserver • Oct 31, 2023

To answer your question, no, there is nothing to be ashamed of if you're into BDSM. You will encounter people who: may not be into this but respects your preferences, may be into this and gets along with you, or those who will never understand it and might even have negative reaction to it. I'm so sorry they have to be the third case of people (please, it's not pity but just genuine reaction because damn it's not a safe space for you).

Let me share my experience: as someone who is interested and even studying BDSM personally and academically and coming from a Christian country, I did not tell my parents or any relatives about this because I know they are downright Christians and bunch of conservatives (which befalls them to case three, and I do not trust them). Only a couple of my friends that I trust knows about my kinky interests. They may not be intrigued in it like I do, but they respect it and even listen to me whenever I share anything I learned about BDSM.

Point is, there is nothing to be ashamed of, but you need to choose the people you want to disclose this information to. Not everyone is open-minded when it comes to certain things unfortunately.

Winters Kiss​(sub female){Collared} • Oct 31, 2023

I am very fortunate to have a family who although does not like this lifestyle knows I am into this lifestyle. As the younger one I was more into exploring my sexual side and eventually that lead to questions.

It became easier opening up when I would joke with my family (mainly sisters) and friends. When it came time for them to have “special vanilla nights” they would ask for some input.

Many worry about what others will think, I still do at times. All of those that are close to me know in my life… but they don’t have to know every detail.

However, the world will still go round if someone knew or didn’t, if you told or haven’t and if they accept or don’t.

Bunnie • Oct 31, 2023

I share with people based on their comfort levels.

So, my sisters both know to varying degrees, and my dad knows to a lesser degree. I’ve never been particularly good at hiding the fact that I’m not mainstream (even though I tried my hardest).
In the early days of stepping out of my BDSM closet, I was very excited and wanted to shout from the rooftops, and became very enmeshed within the community, so my “normal” became well, normal. It wasn’t until I excitedly showed a friend some professional rope pics I’d just had taken, and her response to it (freaked out), that I realised I had forgotten that for a lot of people this way of life wasn’t considered normal. It was a good lesson in remembering that not everyone is comfortable with what may seem harmless or even artistic or even a natural way of living, to us.
It’s ok. I accept that. The difference now though is that I no longer see what feels right for me as shameful. Because it’s not… we just love and connect differently

LordofPain56 • Oct 31, 2023

Fun fact #2: I am the only conservative Christian in my family of 6, all of which were brought up in Catholic school, but now thewy are outright atheists and agnostics. I dumped the "infallible" Pope ages ago and found my place in the Adventist church. And I still won't tell any of them I'm into BDSM. Again, it would be like trying to explain electrical engineering in a few sentences.

Steellover​(sub male) • Nov 1, 2023

What was the voltage out of the substation? 12,470V, 25,000V, or old-school 4200V?
Is the distribution system two-phase delta a la PG&E in California, or single/three phase Y, like, well, most of the western U.S?
What conductor size; 750 MCM or 1100 KCML?

But on a more serious note, I get where the original post is coming from because I am pretty closeted as far as being kinky, or into BDSM. I've talked about this before in other posts. It isn't just family members whose judgement I am uncomfortable with, but also peers, friends, co-workers...and even potential dates. I do live in an area which tends to be more conservative, sexually speaking, for one. So, as a male identifying as submissive, there is the added pressure of needing to put up a facade of "Traditional Gender Roles in a Relationship" lest being judged negatively in that way. It would be nice to be "out and proud" with the domina of my dreams, but because I don't know any such person, I'm sort of resigned to dating in the vanilla world. Which would mean, keeping the kinky side surpressed- at least until the relationship has progressed far enough so that I could at least breach the idea of submitting to her.

Fyglia Wicked​(dom female) • Nov 1, 2023

At the rate the lifestyle is deteriorating it will be mainstream sooner than later.
But that still doesn't mean people will understand or not have their opinions.

Sololoquy • Nov 1, 2023

Wouldn't tell my family in a million years. I don't discuss the things that are really intimate to me - sexual or not - and this is about as intimate as gets.

I like not just to be accepted by people I'm closest to, but understood, and considering they're just about able to wrap their heads around being bi, barely able to deal with gender identities, and find my being solo amd childfree quirky but OK, I really don't think I'd stand a chance in getting through to them on what kink means to me, even if I wanted to, which I don't.

I don't want to think of my family members in this way either, so it goes both ways. What they want to do intimately is their own business.

I have one friend I've told about this so far and he's into kink too, so that's why I shared. I don't have to feel like some kind of freak explaining myself. And I already feel like a freak whenever I explain anything about my sexual orientation or gender identity, so really not looking to add yet another aspect of my life to the list.

NatGoddess • Nov 1, 2023

No, and I don't think I owe my family any explanations, in fact, I tell them as little about me and my life as possible. I grew up in a highly homophobic family and I'm proudly bi, they made me felt terribly unloved as a teenager for it so I have built walls to keep them apart from my personal life.