Peoples cheek

Peoples cheek

Aegis​(dom male) • Dec 22, 2023

I need to ask this as I'm sure its not myself that has this issue.

However what is peoples fascination with asking someone's Sub various questions and when told they have gone to far they continue, at what point as a Dom do i need to step in.


Any advice is very much appreciated?

Miki​(masochist female) • Dec 22, 2023

I'd say if they have gone too far, the time to "step in" is now.

Aegis​(dom male) • Dec 23, 2023

Thank you very much for the insight

aPeepingMom​(sub female) • Dec 23, 2023

If your sub has set the boundary and someone has passed the line, and your sub is unable to put a stop to the behavior, then you should absolutely step in.

At the same time, empowering your sub to control the situation themselves is very powerful. Make sure they know that it is ok to be firm and aggressive in how they handle it. My Dom has had to remind me that I am not obligated to be polite to the offender and I may block anyone who makes me uncomfortable. Knowing He has my back if I need it but not pushing His way into the situation if I don’t, makes me feel much more confident in dealing with inappropriate behavior from others.

Aegis​(dom male) • Dec 23, 2023

Thank you very much for the insight into it, to be fair, I said to her that I can get involved all she has to do was ask and I’ve generally been like that even before we developed to how we are now.

I think for now it’s been dealt with both by me and her both telling the person. I think right now tho it’s more just working out how we are gonna combat this in the future.

But once again thank you so much for the insight into how you deal/would weak with it.

K y i v • Dec 23, 2023

Peeps, exactly. No one messes with you. 😬😬😬

Sincorrigible​(sub female) • Dec 23, 2023

Block. No need to invoke a dominant. If someone disrespects your boundaries, or doesn't listen, nip it in the bud.

Aegis​(dom male) • Dec 23, 2023

Ok I understand this however for me I understand that it’s easier to block someone than to not involve a dominant.

However i know she was struggle a bit and doesn’t always want to jump to blocking people so she was kind of hinting at me helping in some way which is why i ended up asking the question.

But once again your insight into this is massively appreciated and important and may help me in talking to her about this situation more.

Heero​(dom male) • Dec 23, 2023

Yes, I agree with @aPeepingMom and @Sincorrigible​.

If the issue is online, then the main tool is to block (perhaps on multiple platforms). And sometimes, a sub may need your support in this, but not necessarily for you to step in, but rather to give a stamp of approval or authority to do something.

Going further, it is as aPeepingMom suggests, you would want to empower your sub to deal with these situations even without you. Because there may be situations where they're being harassed or otherwise being made uncomfortable and you'd be indisposed and unable to help. And sometimes, a sub just wants to know that you have their backs and they're acting in accordance to how you would want the situation dealt with. I have also had subs that, for one reason or another, had trouble with decision-making, especially in the heat of the moment. Sometimes "obvious" responses are not so obvious to them. So if this is a recuring issue (or a single, particularly impactful one), it is a good idea to make a rule or protocol about it.

Something like, "If someone is bothering you, you have the authority to block them without my permission, and tell me about the situation after the fact. If you're on the fence about blocking someone, you can discuss with me and then I will decide whether you block or not. If I am indisposed at the moment, then you have the discretion to choose among the following options: a better-safe-than-sorry block, or simply ignore all messages and DO NOT RESPOND until you can talk to me." Or something like that; I wrote this off the top of my head, so I didn't think this through to make sure it covers all loopholes and likely scenarios.

If the problem can extend to in-person, then things are a bit more sensitive and nuanced. I have had to deal with such situations also. Again, it is best to establish some sort of protocol for how to deal with this and create distance if you cannot respond right away.

Aegis​(dom male) • Dec 24, 2023

Thank you for the insight and never really thought about the rule/protocol side of things and that’s something I can consider.

I’m hoping it was just a one of that made her feel the way she did, I think if it is multiple times then I’ll probably sit down and talk to her about it.