Submissive Male Persona

Steellover​(sub male) • Mar 13, 2024

What happens behind closed doors should be nobody's buisness but you and your partner. However, for me, if I were to go out in public, to my job, wearing a pink tutu and a spiked slave collar, there would be repercussions I would rather not deal with. If I was with a domme, mistress, GF/significant other, I would act just as typical male in public as any other typical male, but in private... well, I'd act however She wanted me to. That's the whole fun!

Miki • Mar 13, 2024

That's about the size of it. With very, very few exceptions, you'd never know a kink from a non-kink to look at them on the street or on the job.
One public exception would be the "toy store" but I never went "shopping" anywhere near where I lived or worked. After that it was all Online shopping. Shipped in nice little plain brown packages with an innocuous return address and even the charge to the debit or credit card would show some neutral company name like, for strap-ons the thing would bill as "Extensions, Inc." Vibrators might show as "buzz-dot-com" Things like that.

The overarching theme, private is private, public is public.

lambsone • Mar 13, 2024

It's been a nice discussion so far. I have learned a lot from hearing the experiences and thinking regarding the persona of male subs.

One of the reasons I asked, is that I frequently get contacted by male submissives who are looking for a Dominant or needing a friend/someone to play with. I try to give them ideas to fit their need but when they want me to be their Domme, I can't do that. It's not in my nature.

The ones that contact me seem desperate or unsure of themselves, hence the question about whether there are strong ones out there, because I wasn't experiencing it. So .... it has been really nice to get a peek at some of the relationship dynamics in the true reality for male subs.

Miki • Mar 14, 2024

I get those once in a while in here. Although I am Bi and enjoy a healthy dose of girl-on-girl, either watching or participating but I have to cop to a bit of bias in that there's a touch of ick at the mental image of a guy bent over waiting to be pegged... but I don't do put-downs or broadcast the ick factor. Instead I try to reassure the ones who seem unsure or desperate -- and definitely warn them to avoid the pro-domme route. They're pro's all right, usually pros at emptying one's pockets and delivering nothing.

aradialspire​(dom femme) • Mar 14, 2024

I had a very good friend who was submissive, and she ended up trapped in a marriage with a submissive man who presented as sexually dominant before the marriage. It was an incredibly unhappy arrangement for the both of them; he wouldn't allow her to go to clubs for non-sexual sessions and made her feel shame if she wanted to practice self-bondage. She tried to be the Domme of his dreams but didn't have it in her. It was very bizarre to me, I never understood the dynamic from the outside.

You can make someone pretend for a while, but long-term people can't be anything more than what they are. And why should we be?

On the flipside, I've run into desperate Dominant men who have asked if they could hypnotize me on chat sites or if I'd be their slave; I don't think it's a feature of submissive men, ignoring when I tell them I'm not submissive. I think it's a feature of people being desperate to live out their fantasies after wanting to for so long and making their problems other people's problems.

Miki • Mar 14, 2024

Ugh... Happens often. One wants to be one side of the coin when they are the other. Other times those in mainstream marriages and one had hidden BDSM desires and posts on here how they can make it happen (if the other is not interested, nothing will change that and faking it eventually leads to frustration and resentment. Unless the BDSM one can give up that notion (because the non-twisted one totally can't do what he or she is not wired to do) the marriage/relationship is best off ended as amicably as possible.

But i the above case where the guy presented as a dominant but was a submissive... leopard can't change its spots.. that's a mess. In the end neither will be happy and I'm sorry to read that.