Is Experience A Turn On or Turn Off For You?

Is Experience A Turn On or Turn Off For You?

Sweet Minx​(sub female) • Jun 18, 2024

First I will say that obviously there's no right or wrong answer and this is a personal preference. But as usual I am curious.

~ I've had other subs tell me that my inexperience is not attractive to Doms but the majority of Doms say it isn't so. So I'm curious about that. True or false?

~ I mostly see Doms (not subs) talking about their lengthy experience on their profiles. In fact I rarely ever hear from any inexperienced Doms but there must be some?!

~ I personally don't find experience effects my attraction to a Dom. It doesn't make someone more attractive to me. I think everyone always should have a desire to learn and can always learn. Someone who is so experienced that they are an "expert" is a red flag and turn-off for me.

Soooo, let's discuss. 👀🍿

ZachB​(dom male) • Jun 18, 2024

Most of them lie about experience because of ego. They think if they are not a know it or have done everything imaginable that a sub won't like them or have a desire to eventually submit. It's a stupid complex. We all start somewhere. Experience does not matter whether you're a dom or sub. What matters is clear communication, trust, honesty and respect. Those are what build a relationship/dynamic. Experience is a bonus sure but with the right person it does not play a factor.

Sincorrigible​(sub female) • Jun 18, 2024

When I started out, I was much more willing to engage with those with no experience, but with whom I clicked.

That morphed into a desire to play with those who were much more experienced than I was, and who had specific skill sets, eg whip play, knife play, fire play. But these were often play or scene partners.

I'm different in that I have my life partner, so I was never looking for 'all qualities I need in one partner'.

In later years, I grew very very tired indeed of keyboard warriors who lie about their experience and deceive. A good connection, and a certain mindset, and you can do a very great deal. You can learn the technical stuff.

Finding that connection is bloody hard though! 😊

Solace​(dom male) • Jun 18, 2024

I am not certain you will get a productive and diverse conversation out of this. It is my sincere hope that you will, but virtue signalling is a real thing on the cage. The perceived "right" answer is what has already been said, it doesn't matter.

In reality though, I myself prefer subs with less experience. I like ladies with less experience because it feels like a journey we are undertaking together. Things are new and exciting to them, and I in turn get to "discover" them. Also, much the same way ladies don't enjoy being compared to past girls, it isn't very fun for men either and can be avoided by finding partners with less experience.

On the other hand, I have perceived that ladies do not enjoy a less experienced Dom. I don't disagree with the reasons I perceive either. They want someone who is skilled. Someone who is confident (confidence is sexy), knows how to make a girl feel a certain way, and has a plan. All of which come with time. Also reasonably its important for safety reasons. People who are new at anything make mistakes. What girl wants a "mistake" while she's being choked or pushed hard on something? I think we've all heard these things can lead to hospital visits. I'm not saying all ladies are like this, but plenty enough that when I first joined the cage I was very particular not to mention my age or experience. I was much more successful when I tried that track.

Sincorrigible​(sub female) • Jun 18, 2024

Funny, I was just thinking today about all the virtue signalling that goes on here, and how it's all about the marketing of self. I think you're right here though in that it doesn't matter, and there is no right answer.

Fair to say that experienced submissives perceive men who state a preference for inexperienced submissives as a potential red flag alert, in that they could be seeking to manipulate/deceive. But I certainly understand that experienced dominants or submissives can make things 'harder' in that there might be some undoing of previous training/habits /behaviours. One size does not fit all. And communication and discussion is, as ever, the important thing.

Solace​(dom male) • Jun 18, 2024

^ Case and point. I've apparently announced myself as a huge red flag for having preferences.

Sincorrigible​(sub female) • Jun 18, 2024

Only potentially 😊😁

That wasn't aimed at you.

It was really just demonstrating what you said...I was counterimg with another viewpoint. There isn't a right answer and it doesn't matter. We all have our preferences, and they're all valid.

Solace​(dom male) • Jun 18, 2024

True, and its a remark I expected hence the comment about limited opportunities for discourse on this thread.

A man makes a comment preferring one of the literal two options and he is called out for the community to see as red flag. Even if myself or others are not emotionally disturbed by this, its drama that's simply better for the men to avoid if they're hoping to find a partner or even participate without stigma in the community.

Aside from my obvious self, men aren't fools. The lesson to be learned here is to not respond in forums and to tell the girl what she wants to hear.

TwinkleEyes • Jun 18, 2024

Experience is a relative term for many reasons. Some of which have been mentioned within the thread. There is nothing wrong with Preferences pertaining to type of experience and/or level desired. It’s an individual journey. It’s the lack of transparency and honesty concerning one’s preferences. To me that’s where the red flags are, not the preferences.

I’ve come to the point of my journey where I prefer experience in the cerebral sense. Individuals who know themselves, are transparently honest with themselves, vulnerable with themselves, own their behavior, and work on being a better person overall. At the mastery level within themselves. This is a need more than a want. Knowing that I have many lessons to learn. Working on all the things I mentioned and more. It takes a certain type of self control in an individual for me to hand over control to. There is safety in it for myself.

TwinkleEyes • Jun 18, 2024

Nada. You’re being transparent. It’s an attractive quality in a person. The right ones for you will value it.