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2 months ago •
Jun 15, 2024
Dominant headspace is scary; how do I change that?
2 months ago •
Jun 15, 2024
Laili(sub gender queer) • Jun 15, 2024
I have, what I consider, natural sub and caregiver tendencies until you push me, hurt someone I care about or similar and then I’m assertive, in control, know what I want, and what American society calls a “bitch”.
My spouse wants me to try out being a dominant and the few times I have successfully, it’s almost like a power trip. It scares me because I’m worried I might cross boundaries. I know I should trust my spouse as my sub to know their limits and to safeword but I feel like I’m border lining on becoming abusive. That feeling is terrifying and I don’t know how to reconcile this overwhelming feeling of power when in that headspace as someone who has rarely had it in their day-to-day. Im not good with big emotions and being overwhelmed. I have good coping skills but in a flawed person who is just trying to be a better person and see if I can enjoy this. When I do it, I do feel empowered and weirdly very feminine. I say weirdly because I rarely feel just feminine or masculine. Usually I feel neither or both. I’ve been working on that aspect of myself for nearly three years. No one had ever asked me how I felt about my gender or sexuality until my spouse mentioned it one night. I’m offtopic, I think. Any recommendations or reading materials would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. |
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