Respect

Respect

TwinkleEyes • Jul 24, 2024

Is respect given, taken, earned, or something more?

I’ve been told by many kinksters over the years that I will be required to respect them. Many of whom demanded or tried to manipulate it. Others asked for it. Then there were the ones that said they would need to earn it.

I don’t often hear kinksters talk about how they respect themselves. To me this is the real question about respect. Does someone respect themselves? Not by words alone. Actions are where the bread and butter are at for me.

How can I respect someone who doesn’t respect themselves?? I respect, honor, and love myself. All are mandatory parts of my life. This hasn’t always been the case. However, I’m a better member of society when I do. Better parent, partner, coworker, and so on.

I’m attracted to those who respect themselves through actions. Showing that an individual values themselves. That shit is hot.

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Jul 24, 2024

If they have to ask for it, or demand it, then they aren't doing something right.

House Talion​(dom male) • Jul 25, 2024

Respect should be given till abused, trust needs to be earned by everyone.

Garv​(dom male) • Jul 25, 2024

Everybody should be respected; Real respect is earned or lost over time and through their actions.

UpFromTheAshes​(switch gender queer) • Jul 26, 2024

I think part of the issue is that there are different kinds of respect.

I, as a human being, deserve a certain amount of respect as a baseline. There is no question there. People who cannot respect me at that level are people I prefer to keep my distance from.

I believe that any other form of respect should be given freely and not demanded. And I believe that once respect has been given, there should be a clear reason why it is lost, if it is lost.

Some respect may be earned. Perhaps a person has earned my respect for their knowledge and education in a given subject. Perhaps they earned it by earning a degree, or perhaps they demonstrated their knowledge to me on some way. Perhaps a person has earned my respect for their loyalty, through actions I have observed or things others have told me about.

Some respect may be extended on faith. This is something I will often do when I haven't directly observed the earning. Perhaps I've met an s-type and we enter into a dynamic....I MUST respect them for that to work, and I would expect them to respect me, but that respect may not have been directly earned yet because we are still new to one another.

Regardless, anyone who demands that your respect them just because they say so.... That's a big red flag, to me.

Sincorrigible​(sub female) • Jul 26, 2024

Baseline for me is respect and courtesy to everyone. Not contingent on them having 'self respect' (what business is that of mine?)

However, I have criteria I apply to anyone I might engage with. Then you get into self respect, trust, and what is their character?

If they want a higher level of 'respect' and deference from me in a dynamic, then yes, they need to earn that. Just as I need to earn it from them.

SirDomCE​(dom male) • Jul 29, 2024

Respect and trust is earned by both a Dom and sub. Are you really earning respect and trust by demanding it? When earned you have her/his submission wholeheartedly. Trust me you will absolutely know. In turn...if you are being forced into giving your respect and trust without it being earned...do you really have his/her respect and trust? What kind of precedent does this set for the relationship and its power exchange without it? Control is one thing...and manipulation is another.

Sincorrigible​(sub female) • Jul 29, 2024

Oh this is so true. And I find it astonishing still that some men, allegedly experienced men, do not understand this.

intenseoldman​(dom male) • Jul 29, 2024

@ SD and Sin: yeah, manipulation is nothing but disrespect.

I think we all owe each other a modicum of common courtesy. I'm not going to like every one of the billions walking this planet, let alone the hundreds on this site, and I don't expect everyone to like me, either. That doesn't mean we have to show our disdain for each other.

You got me thinking about self-respect, though, and how I feel about people who don't respect themselves. I don't disdain them. I usually empathize, but without enabling. Yeah... and I am turned off physically and emotionally by people who don't respect themselves.

I've worked hard to come to a place of respect for myself and the level I am at now is pretty high. I am taking care of myself physically, mentally and emotionally. I care more about the amount of respect I have for myself than what level of respect anyone else shows me. Those who see me, see me. Those who don't, I will listen to as nicely as I can because I am not error proof. Usually, though, it's projecting that comes from their own issues, and that's fine. I'm a big boy. I can deflect some misplaced rage.

I like this post because there's things I've been doing lately that I really respect myself for, but I ain't say'n; that would be arrogance. What I will say is I like the whole idea of respect coming from a place of self respect. That's hot.

Sincorrigible​(sub female) • Jul 29, 2024

Yes... Respect and a sense of value, worth, when looking at oneself. This, for me translates to looking for that, looking to respect value and find worthy others. I recently had an opportunity to reflect on this in an infant dynamic where I was constantly being asked to look at myself and find myself worthy, of him. There is something intensely fucking kinky (and fodder for the submissive) in that. However, as you begin to realise that person isn't worthy of your respect (inconsistent, a little flaky, odd messages, fibbing etc) it is your own sense of self respect and self worth which kicks in to protect you. I think this man would have told me it was my ego blocking my true submissive. I reckon I know better. 😉