MissBonnie(dom female){oz}
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4 months ago •
Aug 5, 2024
To answer this you first need to quantify "what is BDSM" and then "what is Maledom" neither can be until they can quantify "what is vanilla" the argument is as old as time.
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Online now
| lifeofdom(dom male) |
4 months ago •
Aug 6, 2024
Men in general are demeaned and criticised on a regular for having different expectations/experiences/kinks.
It normal for men..even here. Men will criticise men quicker than will criticise women. Not creating a victim mentality here. Just stating facts I dont go home crying about this. It doesn't bother me anymore. Thanks for reading. |
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Sweetlydepraved(masochist female){95%}
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4 months ago •
Aug 6, 2024
Sincorrigible wrote: Sweetlydepraved wrote: I would question why you feel invalidated by these others more so than why they are doing the invalidation. Be your own source of validation and then you won’t have these negative feelings, and you won’t have to rely on fitting into a narrative that you didn’t define.
This reply fascinates me. I spend a lot of my time when helping friends or family, or myself, saying just this. Do not rely on the validation of others to feel okay. But I think it's easier said than done. And I think it's nigh on impossible when we are talking about Ds and being submissive. Isn't what we do the absolute opposite of this? We rely on the dominant for validation? That constant back and forth, the good girls, the cause and effect of tasks /scenes. Being found pleasing /actively pleasing. I think, for me, that whole sense of validation that comes from that is what 'gets me'.. What motivates me. And when you find the other half to that equation, what I like to term ds codependency, kicks in, then you create this glorious positive feedback loop. What I think maybe happens with what the OP is talking about, is that, if you are actively looking to explore in that way, you're sensitive to criticism and maybe feeling invalidated by 'well you aren't submissive/dominant because xyz...' because you are in fact seeking to have those feelings. And that makes you vulnerable, in a way you would not normally be 'in the real world'. I just know I am a lot more... Sensitive to others' comments in this arena. Thank you for sharing your perspective. I appreciate your insights on the dynamics within a D/s relationship and the role that validation plays. I completely understand how the validation from a dominant partner can be integral to the submissive experience and can create a fulfilling feedback loop. I think it’s important to recognize that while external validation is a key aspect of D/s dynamics, having a foundation of self-validation can still be beneficial. It can provide a sense of resilience, so when criticisms or invalidating comments arise from others outside of your dynamic, they don't affect you as deeply. As people often say in this community, I may be a submissive to one but I’m not a submissive to all, so it’s incredibly important to build your own foundation of self worth, self respect, and values. Most especially for someone new to D/s because those things are the foundation of hard limits, which they may be struggling to define. For some, separating the need for validation within the context of their relationship from their general sense of self-worth can be empowering. It allows them to embrace their role in the D/s community while not being overly affected by external judgments that don't align with their personal experience. When exploring or stepping into any new role or community, feeling sensitive to others' comments is natural, especially in a space as intimate and personal as BDSM. It’s a vulnerable journey, and I think it’s about finding a balance that works for each individual. Additionally, the rise of social media has made external validation a significant factor in many people's lives, often reinforcing the need for approval from others. With constant exposure to others’ opinions and judgments online, it can be challenging to maintain a sense of self-worth that isn’t influenced by likes, comments, or the perceptions of others. This environment can make the need for self-validation even more critical, as it helps build resilience against the often overwhelming pressure to seek external approval. My intention was to highlight a long-term solution rather than a short-term reaction to hurt feelings. Focusing on building internal validation can lead to a more sustainable sense of self-worth and emotional stability over time. While it's understandable to feel hurt by criticism, addressing the root cause of why these feelings arise can offer a more profound and lasting resolution. This perspective may not have been previously mentioned in the discussion, but I believe it can be beneficial for navigating both the D/s dynamics and broader social interactions. Ultimately, each person's experience is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. I hope that the OP finds a way to navigate these feelings that feels right for them, whether through self-validation, community support, or a combination of both. |
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SubSided(sub female)
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4 months ago •
Aug 7, 2024
I feel this way when I'm called a brat because I don't immediately acquiesce. I've also been told I'm not a true sub because I like to run away and be overtaken and overpowered.
After several years, those voices have become devoid of impact over me. I am me and my kinks are me. If it isn't right for you, then I'm not the right sub for you. |
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Ms MaryJane
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4 months ago •
Aug 7, 2024
This has happened to me many a time. I am not a real Domme because I love everything Minions, Grogu and Disney. Or because I am not big into honorifics...and a few others but those are repeat offenders mentioned.
Wouldn't it be so utterly boring if we all had the same kinks and fetishes? Boo...break the cookie cutters! Be yourself! Nobody can define who you are or what role you are in the kink community but yourself. Whoever says you aren't enough in whatever context...well they aren't enough to handle ya and don't deserve to. IMO anyway. |
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