5 Love Languages: Kink Edition

5 Love Languages: Kink Edition

SirDomCE​(dom male) • Aug 7, 2024

How the 5 love languages can be used as ways of reward but also as ways to discover and explore the giving and receiving of service (BDSM: Kink Edition)

Acts of service: kinkified <control/satisfaction/fulfillment>
Words of affirmation kinkified <“You’re such a good girl/boy.” / “You love being used, don’t you?” >
Quality time kinkified <Take things to the bedroom and focus on what your partner wants / A date night to a sex club>
Gifts kinkified <A new sex toy you know they’ve been looking at / flavored lube>
Physical touch kinkified <Worship / Aftercare>

Start mixing them together (ie praise during aftercare / words of affirmation and physical touch)

Sincorrigible​(sub female) • Aug 7, 2024

I've never quite understood this as a concept, as isn't it the case that we all need a balance of these to ensure we feel loved by a significant other? Don't we all give of all of these, to show our love?

Were the love languages developed as an idea to show that different ratios of each were needed for specific individuals, for them to feel the most valued?

How would you 'translate' them for a submissive showing love to a dominant? 😊

Miki​(masochist female) • Aug 8, 2024

I might be reading it wrong, I do that from time to time, but it looks like that dude is looking for someone to take those 5 common "love language" expressions-- in that they apply to all relationships, twisted or not-- and render them more "kink specific". Or perhaps come up with new ones.

It seems almost like one of the "forum games" but might be a serious query.

Would that I could add something as the post requests but he's got just about all of it covered as far as I'm concerned.

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Again, this is just how I read it. I could be spot on or I could be all wet.

House Talion​(dom male) • Aug 8, 2024

Aren't the 3rd, 4th, and 5th simply versions of the 1st?

DidiRN​(sub female) • Aug 8, 2024

When in the vanilla world 3, 4, and 5 are (or can be) very different. I think we could probably do them different in the kink world too, it's all up to the individual.

lambsone • Aug 8, 2024

Dr. Gary Chapman wrote the 5 Love Languages in an attempt to aide people in loving one another. And to help eliminate as much misunderstanding as possible when communicating with others in relationships..

We each seem to have one specific love language that we primarily use to understand that we are loved orvto love another. Not that we can't love or be loved in other ways, but our own love language is mostly how we know that someone loves us. This fills us up emotionally when someone speaks our language.

These 5 languages are:

1. words of affirmation (compliments)
2. quality time with the other person.
3. Giving gifts.
4. acts of service.
5. physical touch.

If you think about the past ways others have loved you or you have loved others, is there primary one that stands out above the rest? That would be your primary love language. That's how you mostly know that you are receiving love. If you can identify another's love language then you can love in a way they will understand.

Similar to verbal languages, you wouldn't speak German to someone who only speaks Russian or Mandarin. That person wouldn't be able to understand what you were saying.

So this the concept behind loving another using their own language. It also spans all types of relationships.

The OP is trying to fit this concept into a Kink environment. I don't particularly agree with options he chose, so I think this would be an opportunity to be creative and come up with more Kink options to fit the.5 categories. This could end up being kinky different for each of us.

Sincorrigible​(sub female) • Aug 8, 2024

Thank you for explaining the history of that lambsone. I suspect my psychology background balks at such a simplified take on things.

intenseoldman​(dom male) • Aug 8, 2024

Flying home once from a weekend outing, this survey/quiz/whatever was sprung on me probably came out of a cosmopolitan magazine. She had made photo copies and had planned this little activity. Mine was physical touch, and I can't remember hers (which probably says something). Anyway, I think it was a nice thing to do together and have a conversation about, especially in a vanilla relationship which usually lacks the structure and communication it takes to have a dynamic. The languages, whether kinkified or not, are something people should care to know about each other in order to help build and maintain a healthy relationship.... glad OP brought this up.. I think all these tools, the BDSM checklist, bucket list, whatever....anything you can use to know more about each other is good stuff.

lambsone • Aug 9, 2024

Sincorrigible, when this book first came out it was a unique concept. Gary Chapman has been primarily a Marriage Counselor (and other areas) for more than 50 years.

Before the book was written, he was noticing patterns in the couples he was counseling and from that knowledge, he developed this concept. It was an attempt to help them get along with one another, and possibly save their marriages.

But the concept is also transferable to all relationships. Over the years he also developed a love language book for teens, so that parents could better understand their kids and reduce conflicts in that arena too.

In all areas of relationships it became a relief to finally understand what was at the heart of miscommunication between individuals.

Anyway as Intenseoldman pointed out, it is another tool available in the toolbox of healthy relationships.

Miki​(masochist female) • Aug 10, 2024

Keeping an entirely neutral point of view on this, I am, unfortunately constrained to point out that, while your background in physchology and the lengths that you underwent to achieve that goal and title are admirable, this site is NOT your office and to date no one has sought your lofty professional services.

In short, Stuff It