Who should approach first.

DigitalLupine​(other male) • Sep 8, 2024

Proper research and courting regardless of who originally initiates is what really matters. If either side is rushing to claim or be claimed, that's a cause for pause.

Respect, understanding and understanding each other as a person first is super important in my view.

DidiRN​(sub female) • Sep 13, 2024

I completely agree. If there is a rush it makes me wonder if they want ME or just a sub. When they reach out and immediately start with the sexting makes me think they're only out to get their rocks off rather than have meaningful interaction.

I am an introvert and don't have the guts to reach out, but I will react to things I like (such as profiles and blog posts) and respond to blog and forum posts.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Sep 14, 2024

For myself, if someone finds me, what I do of interest then approaches are welcome, but only if they have read, understood the information I provide on my profile about that. I have made approaches from time to time, but others approaching has generally gone better, as in person, as online I am not always very good at knowing if someone is interested or not - I can be pretty blind to that.

With personals ads on here now gone, that option, to see what someone has posted and it being a direct invitation to make sn approach, at least for me, to my mind, makes things re Cage that more challenging re finding, making and growing a connection.

I think if you find someone interesting then making an approach is ok, but only if they are receptive to that. There are, as others have said, no hard and fast rules, only personal preferences.

LoveandDevotion​(sub female){Looking} • Sep 16, 2024

I prefer the Dom makes the first move.

I'm analyzing why and a lot of it just comes down to "then I know he's interested." And maybe it's egotistical of me that I should have the advantage of knowing he's interested when he doesn't yet know that of me, but it feels more comfortable, letting him lead the dance so to say.

Re: Who should approach first.

AnOwner​(dom male) • Sep 17, 2024

While the onus is on the man there no reason the woman cannot approach. Personally I appreciate it

Angel Wings​(sub female) • Sep 18, 2024

I have read in more then a few Doms profiles that they won't make the intial contact. I feel a bit awkward reaching out first,but if I was interested I would message him first and see where it goes from there.

silentnotes​(sub female){Looking } • Sep 22, 2024

I don't think there's a general rule for it in that sense, I for example are fairly shy, I have trouble approaching other people and therefore tend not to do it. I just think if you have the confidance to approach someone feel free to do so, as long as you aren't breaking boundaries or something

Sammy45​(sub female) • Sep 22, 2024

This is always a really interesting conversation

For me - someone who has / is kicking around along time - traditionally the expectation was the D type would always initiate contact and it was very much frowned upon for a sub to instigate a conversation - this was in person pre internet explosion

However I would say that now particularly online and with many changes to the community that isn’t the rule of thumb anymore

As others have said the now anything goes
and as someone said many subs are being bolder in their approach and DM’s. For some D types that isn’t accepted at all while others love the dance and the batting back and forth

For me I wouldn’t ever contact someone

The only request that I have is that I’m approached in polite and respectful way

As much it been said that subs are bolder in their approach I would say many D types approach with demands and have expectations that not appropriate for first few messages


Great post and interesting reading as ever

Kelpi • Sep 22, 2024

To be honest of the three subs I have been with all three came to me. At first I was shocked but after we talked I was honored.

Softnote​(masochist female) • Dec 17, 2024

Leading Genuine person will pursue if they really want to get to know you, keep it interesting, be creative to keep it going if they want to keep the Sub around and make time happen. They have a lot to say not just hi gotta keep it interesting and mature that you read the profile not be a waste of time. Conversation is great. Both clicks keep going for a few days, not rush it. When you won the subs trust got to know them then you go to an app that is safe. But even if they get you on an app they should treat you with the same respect. Go by action behavior for how long see how they change. Respect goes both ways. Their leading hand should be willing to get emotionally invested. They want your number but won't give you there don't need to give them a number. The app is enough. They wanna see pictures of you. They should be mature minded but they are not willing to do the same thing you don't need to. If they are not willing to endure the same decline, wish them the best. Even if someone pursues their words not matching up with life and so on. Like they said they were healthy but when true colors come out they are drinking every night going out but their behavior has changed they said they will never change the habit this is wrong a red flag. Over Drinking can ruin a connection and it can ruin a relationship. They suffered from depression and hiding it to be honest you want a person to stay you have to be willing to get help if not your own. Know one can fix only you can. Person not willing to Fix mentally stable healthy treat person with respect then best to wish them the best and heal cause you tried you were nice but they were not willing to see that you cared. When they are nicking at you over nothing getting mad this means they never really been in a relationship not find the time to love them self to love another they need to look in the man in the mirror and really learn to respect others if they come only think of themself and have bad ego going to leave not being able to have anyone but only alone. They treat you like an option and a person can leave you like an option. A Sub treats you the way you treat them" means that in a relationship, a person will generally mirror the way you treat them; if you are kind and respectful, they will likely respond in the same manner, and vice versa, reflecting the idea of reciprocity in interactions. But you act with anger and give crap expect to get shit on a shingle with crap back. And Genuine Sub will not stick around, they will leave and they can do better. You want a genuine person who is hard to find. You want feminine , then be the partner you seek, fix things, your habits and you gotta make peace with your ego and make peace with self and habits then when you heal then date yourself, then try finding someone on the same page. One thing in the lifestyle once someone lies the true colors come out and they keep showing lies the action the behavior trust is a big them ones trust is broken can never be again. Sub can care want to be their but person can only do so much people must be willing to want help but they must heal for themself. But if its desperate in a rush I don't want it if they got to many callers well good luck genuine person only needs one that all they need. If person does not party stay's home but r settle good in life be partner you have to be person that willing to grow to keep person like this genuine is hard to find. Time and place and everything but if just all sex all the time no thanks they can keep it. Sex and relationship is the last thing you gotta some how become friends in courtship when comes to great conversation and connection with chemistry then builds more in to relashinship. Slow is better. Want something you never had you always wanted you have to lose the ego and cheap cheap dopamine get real with life. Growth is a real thing.