angelaffliction(sub female)
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2 months ago •
Nov 14, 2025
MissBonnie wrote: First, rebuild the intimacy, then add the BDSM. When the emotional and physical closeness is flowing again, the rest will follow naturally. There are so many excellent resources and exercises online for rebuilding intimacy — connection rituals, touch exercises, communication prompts, and ways to slowly rekindle libido together. Start there. Put your effort into that first foundation. For BDSM to work, the foundations and cornerstones need to be strong. You can't build on something that isn't strong. You need to get back there FIRST.
And in fairness to your husband, he is saying, “We’ll get there.” The "we" matters. That tells me he loves you, he wants to meet you where you are, and he isn’t shutting the door — he’s asking for time to arrive there with you. If you’ve known you were kinky for most of your life, remember he hasn’t had the same runway. He’s had what — months? Years? A fraction of the time you’ve had to understand yourself. That’s not long in the bigger picture of a relationship. Most likely, what’s holding him back isn’t lack of desire — it’s fear of disappointing you, fear of not measuring up, or fear of “getting it wrong.” When a man loves his partner deeply, that fear can freeze him. Rebuild the intimacy first: the cuddles, the flirting, the shared moments, the gentle touches, the emotional safety. Once that reconnection is happening, the conversations about BDSM — what you want, what he can offer, and how to meet in the middle — become much easier, softer, and more productive. You don’t need to put your desires away. You just need to get back on the same page, then move forward together from there. |
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Online now
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angelaffliction(sub female)
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2 months ago •
Nov 14, 2025
I was reading this and would like to know what a touch exercise is please and thank you
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MissBonnie(dom female){oz}
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2 months ago •
Nov 15, 2025
angelaffliction wrote: I was reading this and would like to know what a touch exercise is please and thank you
I'm actually away with my partner, short on time so just have my phone and not my PC but if you google "touch exercises for couples for intimacy" you will find hundreds. One that comes to mind is Developed by sex educator Betty Martin, the “3-Minute Game” is a versatile exercise that helps partners explore giving and receiving touch in a structured way. This game consists of two simple questions: How would you like me to touch you for three minutes? How would you like to touch me for three minutes? The game begins with one partner asking the first question. The other partner answers with a specific request, such as “I’d like you to stroke my arm” or “I’d like you to hold me.” After the three minutes are up, the roles reverse. In the next round, the roles are reversed again for the second question. The “3-Minute Game” helps partners practice both giving and receiving touch in a way that is clear and consensual. It opens up a dialogue about preferences and boundaries while creating opportunities for pleasurable and meaningful touch. By keeping the time short, the exercise also helps alleviate any pressure or performance anxiety, making it easier for both partners to relax and enjoy the moment. Another is Dr Gotmans six second kiss. It never fails to re start libidos and force couples to reconnect https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-six-second-kiss/ if you still can't find any more I'll be home in a few days or your welcome to hit up my inbox |
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Thytime(switch male)
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1 month ago •
Dec 12, 2025
Just trying it out looking for a good guide for me to understand how this works
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The Patron(dom male)
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1 month ago •
Dec 12, 2025
Well, it's a tricky one...
If he keep delaying the exploration of the lifestyle, it's not because of you, but because of him. He may not want it at all and is just saying it only to please you. And he could be just scared. If it's the former - you can't really expect someone that don't want something to suddenly start loving it or being interested; but if it's the second and he just scared. there more to do with it but you'll need to do it gently so you won't hurt his ego. The answer like always lies in communication - you should be talking with each-other and be very open and honest, so you understand the real reason he still rejects this lifestyle... He may feel emasculated just because you want something he fears or isn't interested in. Without really talking to each-other this will eventually escalate and end in disappointment for both of you. And you can't wait for him to take the initiative, because he's the one holding it back. After you'll understand his real reasons you'll have somewhere to start. |
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darlingdiana(sub female){Master Ron}
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1 month ago •
Dec 13, 2025
He’s right as rain TheDarkMaster wrote: Talk to him, not strangers online. He’s totally right… like a blunt object to the head, but right nonetheless. If it feels like shit- it’s probably right as the saying goes. The fact of the matter is you have purposely sought fast forwarding in here, dabbling your toes in the water and opening up for far more than you probably bargained for. Tread carefully, as it is prior to there being an answer and respecting your husband fully- you have intimately shared with strangers your feelings, needs, and about your desires of sex/kink. No big thing (we all do) EXCEPT, you are married, committed and looking to improve your marriage. Trust and honesty are always the foundation and base for improvement. He is your husband and we are the void. Talk to him, he deserves to know the good the bad and the ugly before any of us. Give him the respect of choice, time, benefit of the doubt, to reach a settled agreement with you before anyone else can stick a foot in the door and jam everything up. Another rough fact- you can never land on the right foot, once you have started on the wrong one. Make it right and settle your matters of the heart and body- where they are betrothed. This entrance is another way of jumping from the frying pan into the fire.
Once intimate business at home is squared away, perhaps we will see new posts, confident, regulated and ready. Strange people are not the place you want to divulge and expose your sacred secrets. Best, darling diana |
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tallslenderguy(kinky male)
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1 month ago •
Dec 13, 2025
i think you've gotten some good input here... though i'm not sure you are following or reading this thread?
i think it's good advice and important to talk to your mate, but i don't think seeking input from a community of others who may have encountered similar issues is wrong either. Relationship is complex and a different set of eyes can give a different perspective that we may be missing. Not unusual for relationships to develop habits and patterns that the couple just gets used to and is not really conscious of, while it might be glaring to an outsider. i look at us as individuals as a big box of puzzle pieces. A big part of living is putting those pieces together to form the picture of our life and self. Relationship is where some of our pieces fit together with another persons, and our "pictures" blend. i do not believe there is such a thing as "perfect" or absolute. i believe (and this is just one guys view of it all), that a sustainable relationship requires a balance of compatibility and love. i think a lot of the traditional approach to intimate relationship puts the emphasis on "love," and that love often goes undefined, or is sort of a blurry notion, and compatibility is often neglected when choosing a mate, the notion being that "love conquers all." i don't think it does, i think love and compatibility work together. i'm not implying that you and your husband are incompatible. i think an ongoing effort of any relationship is open communication on both sides with one purpose being to find any and every area of compatibility, I.e, as many pieces of our puzzles that fit together as we can discover. Ever put a puzzle together where you or someone is trying to make a piece fit where it doesn't? i believe intimate relationship needs both compatibility and compromise, but i do not think compromise works for everything. i agree with MIki: "it's not good if you've gotta force it." It can work fine to "compromise" on whether or not to have tacos on Tuesday, but other things can be vital to our identity and need nurture to sustain them. i think an underlying need in intimacy is that both parties wants/needs aline. i was married to a woman for many years (long story, parts of it are all over thecage), and i'm gay. i was able to perform sexually, even got very good at the physical part of providing my former wife with multiple orgasms every time we had sex. But that was not enough to sustain, because she also needed to be desired in a way that i could not provide. We were both very religious when we got married, and sexual compatibility wasn't figured into the equation of whether we'd connect in enough places to sustain an intimate relationship. It's complex, eh? i believe no two people are alike, and that no two relationships are alike. That you and your mate are unique and only you two can decide if you have enough of the 'right' pieces (as you both experience them) to sustain and grow your picture together. |
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