New to the D/s dynamic, and sub-drop obliterated me

New to the D/s dynamic, and sub-drop obliterated me

AznGirlB​(sub female) • Nov 27, 2025

I'm a new member and I'm just here venting a bit...

I had zero experience of D/s dynamic until I recently hooked up with a guy that clearly is a dom without any training. Sex was amazing, we were both pretty vanilla (with a little bit of playful impact play). He kept escalating the intensity/technique during each encounter, and I had been receptive of all of it. He was very attuned and respectful which made me feel pretty safe with the situation.

Until the most recent encounter. The sexual intensity was so crazy, and afterwards I was completely wasted, lying there, dizzy, while he fell asleep. I received no aftercare at all, no holding, cuddling, touching of any kind.

I felt fine at that moment. But then for the following three days, I just randomly bursted into tears thinking about the whole situation, feeling miserable, used, discarded. I don't think I will ever be able to recover from this, but luckily I know for a fact this depression is just temporary.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female)​{🍕+☕} • Nov 28, 2025

I'm sorry you are experiencing sub-drio. We all have had our share, even people who are in long term dynamics.

My advice would be to treat yourself like you are a drug addict going through withdrawal (because physically, that's what's happening). Pamper yourself with self care, showering yourself with love and adoration!

You also want to do something that connects you to people who love you. If that connection ALSO happens to be physical (exercising, being outside, exerting your body physically, etc.) all the better.

DONT BE ALONE!

While it's BETTER if the person you were with (I won't call him a Dom) did this with you, you can find replacements that will help you through it.

Good luck. ❤️

House Talion​(dom male) • Nov 28, 2025

Doms aren't too, as dom-drop is also a thing, and should be expected to have their own limits as well.

Odd that you hadn't handed wether or jot there was any communication after.

Miki • Nov 28, 2025

Sub drop. Yeah, I never experienced that personally even decades ago when I was just discovering that I "liked it rough" and I was only into "Quik-Konnect" situations, but I can empathize.

As "sirsbabydoll" wrote above wrote, it's a form of withdrawal because that's the same thing drugs do, they overstimulate the "pleasure center" of the brain and once you're done it's a bummer.

I'm not going to get any deeper into the clinical shit because I do not have a medical background. I'm just going by what they tell people all the time.

Of course, you should do all those "self care" things and they'll help for sure, but through it all, the best remedy is time. You'll get past it. It's normal. It's not unlike coming home from a spectacular vacation during which just about everything went right and you end up with "Oh, right. the same old house." and even if you love your work, "The same old job" and who can forget "The same ass hole boss."

It's all part of the human condition, the "other shoe" that drops after one has had a particularly exhilarating experience, and as House of Talons wrote above it affects doms as well as subs and seems to strike whether one is in a long term dynamic or short term or even a "Dial-A-Dom" ----- [Those are what I call hookups with persons met Online because when I started out, sites like this or Fet weren't around so it was more of "I know a guy who..." and "Here's his number" kind of shit. I know should modify what I call those to "Click a Dick"].------ but I digress. It doesn't matter whether the encounter is casual or committed (although in a longer term scenario the dominant is more inclined to do that aftercare stuff) Sub Drop and Dom Drop happen and after a little while, even by the time you read this, you'll be back to normal.

As for if it gets any better the more often you enjoy the experience, someone else would have to chime in with their input about that because I never really experienced "drop" from masochist activity, but hell, I'm weird in a lot of ways it seems.

Best of luck moving forward!!!!

Daddysbadboy​(sub male) • Nov 30, 2025

As for me, I would love to be completely disregarded by a dom from start to finish. I would like for him to man handle me, restrain me, split me open and fuck me half to death. Brutalize my throat until my gag reflex is a forgotten memory and then introduce himself to me and insteuct me where when and how I should report for my duty satisfying his friends before using me to pay any debts he might owe.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female)​{🍕+☕} • Nov 30, 2025

Apples and oranges...

Sub drop and degradation are two different animals.

Sweetlydepraved​(masochist female)​{Claimed } • Dec 1, 2025

Sub drop is essentially a delayed nervous-system and neurochemical rebound after a period of intense stimulation, connection, or emotional arousal. During high-intensity experiences, the brain releases large amounts of endorphins, dopamine, adrenaline, oxytocin, and other activating chemicals that create euphoria, pain suppression, emotional closeness, and heightened alertness. When that experience ends, those same chemicals drop back toward baseline, sometimes quickly. The sudden decrease can leave the body and brain in a temporary deficit state, which shows up as fatigue, low mood, emotional sensitivity, brain fog, or a sense of emptiness or disconnection. At the same time, the autonomic nervous system shifts from a highly activated state into a parasympathetic rebound, which can amplify vulnerability and exhaustion. Hormonal fluctuations, especially in cortisol and oxytocin, contribute to sadness, irritability, or attachment anxiety. This effect often appears 24–72 hours later rather than immediately, which is why it can feel sudden and confusing. Risk is higher when intensity is prolonged, emotionally vulnerable, or when basic recovery needs like sleep, hydration, nutrition, reassurance, and grounding are not met.

Aftercare helps buffer this rebound. From the dominant’s side, this includes consistent emotional check-ins for several days (not just immediately after), verbal reassurance, warmth and physical comfort if desired, follow-up texts or calls, helping normalize the emotional dip, encouraging rest and hydration, and reinforcing safety, connection, and meaning rather than disappearing once the scene ends. From the submissive’s self-care side, effective strategies include prioritizing sleep, fluids, and balanced meals; gentle movement and sunlight; grounding practices like warm showers, weighted blankets, breathwork, journaling, or sensory comfort; reducing stressors for a few days; avoiding major emotional decisions while mood is low; and proactively reaching out for reassurance instead of isolating. Together, mutual aftercare works best when it is planned in advance, openly discussed, and treated as part of the experience rather than an optional add-on, because sub drop is not a personal flaw or relationship failure…it is a predictable physiological recovery process that stabilizes with proper support.

And NO, “drink a little OJ” is not sufficient.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female)​{🍕+☕} • Dec 1, 2025

⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️ All that was fuckin' hot! 🤣👅💋🔥🔥🔥

Re: New to the D/s dynamic, and sub-drop obliterated me

dollMaker​(dom male) • Dec 1, 2025

The energy created in encounters, not even involving any play, can take people places they do not expect, brain chemistry and emotions, presenting that person with all sorts of after effects, some having very visceral out workings. I recall well the first times I found myself, feeling un-grounded, sad, down, and not understanding why that might be. I had had a lovely time with a sub, and I should have been happy, and not feeling as crap as I was. This manifested about three days after, and I was lost as to why. This was about 15 years ago and there was nothing on dom drop at the time, a bit on sub drop, but nothing from the top/doms side of the slash, or at least not in the places I was looking. I read a lot, still do, and I knew about the kind of chemicals that play can produce in bottom/subs minds but not that the same could be created in top/dominants.

Having this happen for the first time, is a challenging thing, and I suspect those that have no experiences with extreme sports, activities that produce a lot of endorphins won't recognize it, when it happens, as I didn't. Took me to figuring things out to come to the realization that it was the same, as what many, but not all subs/bottoms experience, just from the other side of the slash. Thankfully there is more about this out there now, so a foundation for aftercare can be figured out, something tailored to the individuals involved. Some people need little to no aftercare, some need lots. It can be required right after play, or the next day, or a few days later, as in my case. Check in afterwards, and a few days after, if required, needs to be built in to any play agreements, and of course if none are required.

It takes time to figure this stuff out, and because people are all different there are no cookie cutter, easy, quick ways to do so, and it's possible that certain activities can produce lots of the stuff that makes drop very hard, and other activities very little, to none. In some, and I have encountered, this drop can occur just by meeting and being in the same place as one's other, so just being in their presence. I haven't come across that often, but it's a possibility, and threw me and the other party when they experienced it. The only way to figure this stuff out is to take time, be methodical, careful, and put a framework in place to help chart things. It's hard to know what might occur, until it does, and even experienced people can be caught out.

This covers all sorts of activity, from non-physical to the physical, and it's only by knowing the person you are playing with and the activities, in side and out, and even that doesn't always cover it (people can react differently and just because 100 before didn't have an issue, there will always be that one) you have to be on the ball, and give a damn about the person you have the privilege to be playing with, and I am so sorry the person you were involved with seems not to have, either through ignorance, or, not caring. I can't say what, only you have a sense of this situation.

I am really sorry you had this experience, and I hope you do recover.

HankIV​(dom male) • Jan 1, 2026

First off I am so sorry this happened to you. The drop can be wildly different from person to person.
Secondly In whatever way you feel safe, let this person know that they need to educate & improve themselves if they want to continue this lifestyle. To many baby/bad/fake/inexperienced doms continue these behaviors until confronted.
Last part is take as much time as you need to heal, be kind to yourself and safe out there.