Wired differently?

Wired differently?

CK45​(sub female) • Oct 9, 2018

Idea for posting this question comes from Bunnie's blog along with Phanes' response to said blog from today ?

Do you think that people that are drawn to this lifestyle are just wired (physiological) differently??
What I mean is..If someone is submissive naturally in a relationship and the mental and physical part of the D/s relationship is missing we are considered clingy and codependent (and it ends or we are miserable) or if there is a Dominant side but not towards a submissive its considered abusive and controlling (again it ends or we are miserable).
I am not referring to the abusers (on both sides of the coin) as I know they exist and that behaviour is so wrong and I also know the terms above are all socially constructed labels and we don't have to stick to them, but I've always felt a draw towards submission (very young age) in my personal life.
I'm just asking what do you think?

MistressMapes{Collared f} • Oct 28, 2018

We are all wired differently.
I mean, some people are good with computers, some are good with children... How much of our individual differences can be attributed to our genes and how much to life experiences? Our 'wiring' is the result of both working together, no doubt many of us do have a (strong) sense of who we are from an early age.
But,
I don't know if submissiveness comes from the same place as clingy, neediness. The latter often indicates insecurity in a relationship, whereas the former requires strong trust.
I certainly don't think that healthy Dominism stems from the same emotional or psychological core as the control or abuse you refer to. I hope I'm misreading this, but is there any suggestion that a person who might enjoy being a Dom would, if their partner did not want to be a sub, vent their dominant behaviour by being a jerk!? Just my opinion but I think the Fifty Shades idea of a Dom having a dark, dangerous internal life that explains it all is really unhelpful!
As far as my limited experience goes, people who enjoy the bdsm lifestyle are self possessed and secure... the negative behaviours you describe may well indicate something missing in a relationship or in the person's life, but I don't think that we can assume it's to do with unresolved sexual identity/repressed desires.

CK45​(sub female) • Oct 28, 2018

MM,
I was referring to those stereotypes put in place by society as an example of how in a regular relationship submissive/dominant behaviour could be misinterpreted.
I would agree that the people that are enjoying the BDSM lifestyle seem to be more secure and live maybe a better life accepting that part of themselves (embracing it rather than hiding it) than they would in a vanilla relationship.

You answered how you thought in the last part of your response.
Thank you.

My mistake. I should not have used those words and didn’t mean to cause offence.
I did specifically mention that I was NOT referring to actual abuse.
Sorry if the comparison caused offence.

In the last part i was asking if people think the difference is in a genetic sense or if it is more learned behaviour.
❤️

EnforcedBliss​(dom male) • Oct 28, 2018

I don't know about genetic but for me it seems to have always been there. I can remember being aroused as a boy (5 or 6) by scenes where a man was in a dominant position over a woman. It never happened with female dominant. I can't speak to the origins, to me it has just always been.

Re: Wired differently?

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Oct 28, 2018

there was a report a few years ago published in the Journal of Evolutionary Psychology that revealed / suggests the reason we are all into BDSM, is due to kitty litter trays and cat poop. (I'm not joking) The reason is that a common brain parasite from cats, Toxoplasma gondii, which causes toxoplasmosis, is linked to sexual arousal by fear, violence and danger in humans.

I've never found any more further studies or other supporting documents (if you do, could you contact me) but it does add an interesting twist to this topic.
If this is the case the question then becomes, do you take a pill or not or just get more cats?

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/bondage-cat-reason-sadomachism-sex-toxoplasma-brain-parasite-a7447681.html

EnforcedBliss​(dom male) • Oct 28, 2018

I don't know, that presupposes that all, or at least a large subset, of the BDSM inclined are infected. Like I said, I don't know why I am the way I am but I prefer to think it isn't parasitic infestation lol.

It is fascinating how a parasite can hijack the brain and complete rewire reactions and instinctive behaviours.

DomBeginner - Cat lover and toxo free since 1973

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Oct 29, 2018

LOL Yeah I have no idea. Your post just reminded me of that article so figured why not share it and add a curve ball.
I do own cats but also know non cat owners that have more kinks than a 20 foot length of chain. I gave up spending time thinking about the whys of kink and just accepted myself. Things got so much easier when I did.

EnforcedBliss​(dom male) • Oct 29, 2018

It does seem that way doesn't it. lol @ the 20 foot length of chain line .

CK45​(sub female) • Oct 29, 2018

Thanks for your responses.
Lol, Bonnie...thanks for the article.

Also agree with MM that it is probably a combination of both genetic and environmental.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Oct 29, 2018

I suppose the question assumes that others are wired the same.