What do you think a dominant owes their partner?”

What do you think a dominant owes their partner?”

subtlecyn​(sub female) • Dec 18, 2025

Submissives give. That’s power exchange by design, right?
So then what do you think a dominant owes their partner?”

House Talion​(dom male) • Dec 18, 2025

Depends on the agreed dynamic.
My owned ed and collared sub deserves a severe beating. Sometimes i treat her with wax or edge play, butbit all makes her quite wet n eager.

TopekaDom​(dom male)​{Chaos } • Dec 18, 2025

Love
Honor
Cherishment

also

Structure
Discipline
Commitment

tallslenderguy​(kinky male) • Dec 18, 2025

idk, this may be semantics, but for me, any relationship based on owing is a non starter... or destined for failure.

i think compatibility is often underrated, or even grossly overlooked, when looking for a mate. i think that can be particularly true in a D/s dynamic if the expectation (on both sides of the slash) is one person conforms/''obeys'' the other. i'm not making a universal statement here, just my own individual take. And i think it comes down to that. I.e., individuality.

I see "compatibility" as finding out mutual connecting places and using those as a foundation to both build and sustain a relationship. For instance, in the most basic terms, i am a "bottom," and that's a central and big part of my identity, so i can rule out anyone who identifies as bottom when it comes to a sexually intimate relationship. That's putting it in the most simplistic terms. i think all relationship involves compromise, but i think there are some things we all have that we cannot change or compromise.

Both knowing the things we can and cannot compromise , prior to choosing a mate, i think, can really help establish a symbiotic relationship vs a quid-pro- quo approach. i think symbiotic is vital for the important, identity type things, and compromise should be left to things like what's for dinner tonight. i 'm unaffected by owing my mate lasagna tonight because he gave into my taco cravings last night. But it's not going to work if he wants/needs me to top him.

Again, all of that is complex stuff, and i understand i'm putting it in basic, simplistic terms.

Miki • Dec 18, 2025

"slender dude of stature" (above) has a point. "Owe" is a crappy word sometimes.

But taken more generally it's the same with a BDSM dynamic as with a mainstream relationship. Each "owes" the other honesty and opportunity to openly communicate, or else the whole thing is destined to be disappointing and short-lived. Those two pillars of relationships are for starters. I'm sure there are others.

TopekaDom​(dom male)​{Chaos } • Dec 18, 2025

Being the Old School bastard I am, I think "Owe" is a very correct term for the obligation a Dom has to their property.

As the lifestyle has evolved during the time I have been part of it, supposed D types often forgo the duty they have to those serving them. Far too often I do not see the idea of Responsibility floating around in a given relationship. People today think they should be served without any reason. They bark when they should be teaching. They remain aloof to show how cool and strict they are. They demand instead of command.

Now a large part of that is mental and emotional work and there are a great deal of people who don't want to do that work. The work is part of what we owe those who place themselves in our hands.

subtlecyn​(sub female) • Dec 18, 2025

Thank you everyone for responding so far and not getting to hung up on the term owe. I debated using that term but it is an exchange of power after all is it not? Of course if that trips you up then yes, if a submissive submits, what, if anything, should they expect in people's opinions. And I think most answer that so far.

NarahPrimal​(sub female) • Dec 18, 2025

Ooh this is a tricky one I'm not sure about the word owe as it is a exchange of power not owing someone something, but thats just me.
I think when two people enter a dynamic there is expectations from both sides and what each role gives each other.
I think both should be honest, respectful and communicate well.
What both bring can be diffrent as well for me I need constant communication structure and routine and to he held accountable for my actions.
But then as a submissive i know I have obligations for my part as well.

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Dec 18, 2025

Interesting discussion and as above, maybe choice of words. A submissive offers submission. What does a Dominant offer? And it hits upon what House Talion indicated above: what's the agree dynamic? I do think the responses above all bear merit and contemplation.

subtlecyn​(sub female) • Dec 18, 2025

So yes, words mean different things to different people. So if we skirt around the word "owe" and simply acknowledge that it is an exchange of power, then also yes. It does depend on what is negotiated and each dynamic is different. That said, I do believe that communication, respect (as a human being-despite how they might be treated due to a kink), and a degree of care (protection of health, mental health) should be provided. Dominants whose sole perspective is, "my submissive is owed a beating" and is truly all they have to contribute is either not being honest in answering the question or is simply playing a role themselves. No disrespect intended. This is solely my opinion.