Introduction. Long time in the lifestyle.

Introduction. Long time in the lifestyle.

UmbraDominus​(dom male) • Jan 3, 2026

Hello,

I am new to this forum and wanted to introduce myself properly.

I have been involved in BDSM for approximately sixteen years. My entry into the lifestyle was not casual or experimental. I was first trained as a submissive under a Mistress affiliated with the Leatherguard, and that foundation shaped how I view power exchange, protocol, discipline, and responsibility. That early training instilled respect for structure, earned authority, and the seriousness of consent, ownership, and accountability within a dynamic.

Over time my interests broadened, and my role evolved. I am both sadistic and soft in equal measure. I enjoy intensity, control, and the deliberate application of discomfort when it is consensual, negotiated, and meaningful. At the same time, I am deeply attentive to the well-being of those I engage with. Those two aspects are not in conflict for me. They are inseparable. Any form of cruelty without care is not dominance, it is negligence. Any act of control that does not include responsibility afterward is incomplete.

Aftercare, for me, is not optional, implied, or assumed. It is a requirement. It is part of the power exchange itself, not something tacked on once the scene ends. I take the physical and psychological impact of scenes seriously, and I expect the same level of seriousness from anyone I engage with. Intensity creates vulnerability. Vulnerability demands care. That principle is non-negotiable.

Gorean philosophy and structure resonate strongly with me, particularly the emphasis on hierarchy, order, earned trust, and intentional roles. I value dynamics that are deliberate, clearly negotiated, and maintained with consistency rather than novelty. I am not interested in humiliation for its own sake, nor in chaos masquerading as dominance. Control without responsibility does not interest me, and spectacle without substance holds no appeal.

I have been a member of thecage.co since November of 2019. I am precise about language and expectations, and I believe clarity matters in this space. Ambiguity may be exciting to some, but I prefer definitions, boundaries, and agreements that are understood by all involved.

Outside of kink, I am a technically oriented and introspective person. I work as a full stack developer and game designer, and I approach most things the way I approach systems. I value rules that serve a purpose, boundaries that are respected, and communication that is direct and honest. I am reserved by nature, observant, and more inclined to listen than perform.

In BDSM, I place heavy emphasis on consent, negotiation, trust, and aftercare. Limits are not obstacles to me. They are the framework that makes real surrender and real authority possible. I do not rush dynamics, and I am selective about the people I engage with. Longevity, stability, and emotional safety matter more to me than intensity for its own sake.

I am here primarily to read, learn, and engage with others who take this lifestyle seriously and approach it with maturity. I respect experience, accountability, and people who know who they are and what they want.

I look forward to engaging with the community in time.

Steellover​(sub male) • Jan 4, 2026

welcome to the forums!

UmbraDominus​(dom male) • Jan 4, 2026

thanks