Low, middle, or high

LoveandDevotion​(sub female)​{Taken} • Dec 9, 2025

I'm too ADHD for high protocol. Middle would be a stretch.
I am for spontaneity more than rituals anyway.

The Patron​(dom male) • Dec 9, 2025

For me, high protocol is simply living by my own rules. What makes the elements that make up a protocol - a protocol, is the fact that they are treated as fixed.
If you build a high set of rules and adapt them to today's reality, it's still high protocol.
The question is, how much are you really willing to invest in enforcing your rules?
I live my whole life by my own rules, so I don't really have a problem with it and I really like it.
But it's not for everyone.

bdsamworld​(sub female) • Dec 13, 2025

I started out in a high protocol dynamic, just jumped right in. While I was lucky it and it worked out well for me, definitely don't recommend that for anyone else. Haha. I should also clarify it was a slow to medium transition in, so not full on jump into deep water diving.

For me it was calming and relaxing. I knew that this ritual would be done this one way, unless my partner and I talked about making a change. We would always talk about it ahead of time and he would implement the change when he thought I was ready or maybe it was more when he felt he was ready. But it was always just very relaxing. Maybe I was riding the high if sub space or right on the edge of it during high protocol because I felt I could truly shut my brain off. I didn't necessarily have to think. While yes high protocol still takes brain function, it was like following a simple instruction manual (not like IKEA). And my partner was able to relax once we got into the habits of the dynamics.

Since that first partner I've had a variety of low and medium protocols. A few we have tried to do high protocol and it just wouldn't work with our schedules. I feel like it's a time commitment for both people, not just the one kneeling or submitting. Both people need to respect each other's time. It's too valuable to waste.

Im always fascinated to hear how others who are poly and parents pull it off.

MidSummerDream​(neither female)​{BothHold🗝} • Dec 13, 2025

In a place of Safety , Peace , Serenity, Flow Togetherness and together the bond. Never in a dangerous matter things are talked about and agreed on. Our Dymanic not built on sex but bond love and trust some days are holding each other , laughing , Taking nice walks or enjoying a nice meal. Time and place for all things we both human good to still live in ordinary life , phones off , still use safe and sane we both do self care and after care even if it’s vanilla and the Dynamic. Safe and sane at all times we hold the key.

intenseoldman​(dom male) • Dec 14, 2025

In my first two dynamics, I was all about the kinky sex. The "mental and emotional side" mentioned by TD earlier escaped me. I really didn't care about protocol. I found it a little monotonous and tedious.
That has changed. I realize now what protocol can do, and think a lot about it. I worked in kitchens to get through college. A restaurant would fall apart without protocol. So would a hospital. It isn't much different in a Dynamic. If you want cohesion and consistency, you want protocol.
If you understand what your protocol does, maintaining a standard protocol that shifts into high protocol when you want that kind of energy and intensity is worth whatever work it takes to integrate into your dynamic.

parebo​(dom male) • Jan 8, 2026

While I do enjoy high protocol during play, I'm a huge fan of middle protocol in day to day life within a dynamic. I find it wonderfully connecting, almost like a "love language".

In terms of protocol being exhausting, something I've found makes a big difference is introducing new protocols SLOWLY. As in, one new protocol might take a month or so to establish. That gives time both for it to become ingrained for my submissive, and also for me to internalise enforcing it.

In the past I've fallen in to the trap of introducing a heap of protocols at once, then completely forgetting to follow up on them, which made my submissive at the time feel (rightly) very underappreciated.

MistressNyxOfficial​(dom female) • Jan 17, 2026

I operate in scenes only as opposed to lifestyle, but in scene I prefer moderate to high protocol. Anything less than that isn't very satisfying for me or my partner.

House Talion​(dom male) • Jan 24, 2026

I'm middle, but jot all partners are the same so I don't expect anyone to fit into a box.

Em In Submission​(sub female) • Jan 31, 2026

My favourite dynamic included a mix of all and we bounced between them at my Dom's discretion. Our dynamic bled into vanilla life (which is my goal) but we did have to be quite vanilla presenting in many situations. Early on he would use the words "high, med, low" to indicate which we should be in. We practiced switching during conversations so I could understand expectations of my role in each. When we got further into our relationship he could signal his desire to go up in protocol by a change in tone of voice or even a look.

High protocol was usually reserved for days we had all to ourselves (uninterrupted by work or other outside constraints) and scenes. He would usually inform me ahead of time if he had a high protocol day planned so I could prepare myself to fully take off any of the vanilla mask that would be lingering. He'd also help with mantras etc if I was having a hard time letting those go. We lived most of our day to day at home in med-low. Outside in the world it was low to no protocol (no protocol was reserved for interactions with my family or workplace/colleagues). Since I present very alpha to the vanilla world it would have been very strange for people from work to perceive me as submissive in any way. Even in no protocol, we found ways to sneak acknowledgement of our dynamic in, and that was always comforting.

If we spent too much time in low/no protocol I definitely missed the med/high and would crave getting back to it. It always felt like a reward and like "home".