What just happened?! Found pet i want keep ..im hella new!

What just happened?! Found pet i want keep ..im hella new!

Mzmsmz • Nov 8, 2018

Recently met submissive male ...and i find myself wanting to keep him but small problem...ive never Domme (not overtly) in my life and most definetly he wants to be owned. Where do i start? I dont want damage him so to speak....help

bookworm​(switch female) • Nov 8, 2018

Theres a lot of books posted in the forums, i'm new as well and once get money will be getting a lot. Also what took me a while to learn on here about are the munches in your local area.

http://findamunch.com/

WetWhenWhipped88​(sub female) • Nov 8, 2018

Is it possible for you to sit down and have an open conversation with him about what exactly he wants? I think that you should first know what he wants, and decide if you are capable of providing that, before you go any further. Communication is VITAL in any D/s relationship. If you cannot communicate openly and build that trust, the relationship will not succeed.

Once you talk and decide if you want to move forward, a lot of it will be exploring limits and deciding on what you enjoy together. Yes, books help, but (just like most sexual relationships) experimenting safely is important at first.

Really, I think that you would approach it the same way that you would approach any sexual experience. Watch porn, read books, ask questions, be honest.

Mzmsmz • Nov 9, 2018

We have started the discussion and has communicayed initial needs: structure, rules, commands ..a strong firm disciplinarian..even humilation...which nothing he said freaked me out or made run ..humiliation puzzled me but thats about it. I have more questions before i decide

WetWhenWhipped88​(sub female) • Nov 9, 2018

Humiliation can be fun. It isn't as weird as it probably seems for you. For instance, I enjoy when a Dom points out the dirty little things that I enjoy that I shouldn't. It is humiliating and makes my face turn bright red, but it is said in an affectionate manner so that I know that I am enjoyed. Does that make sense?


It sounds like you are well on your way. Structure and command are pretty straightforward, so you just have to figure out how discipline will work.

Just try to stay open and honest and you will learn your way together.

Allie Kat​(sub trans woman){DarkFox} • Nov 9, 2018

Ok, so it looks like you are getting a lot of feedback about sex... but from what i understand from your first post is that this is a lifestyle question right? I can help you on both fronts. I will try to help a little more with the lifestyle and if you have any more questions (which you absolutely will) you can freely PM me

So as @bookworm said, there are books out there. Personally "Leading and supporting love" is my favorite. This will help you in understanding him and how he thinks/feels and even what he wants. If you are or want to be a Domme, it may teach you some things about yourself as well it's pretty cheap and it's available for digital download

Also, i would say, it's really important to know yourself first. Know what you want out of a relationship, what you like, what you are curious about and willing to bend, and what your deal breakers are. Are you willing and able to demand intelligence and dignity from your submissive while being the one who "makes the call" on a situation? Can you trust your submissive to support you if/when you make the wrong decision? Are you willing to shoulder the responsibility of being "in charge" and having everything be your responsibility (both good and bad)? That of course is not to say "the submissive has no responsibilities" they are just different and i wanted to focus on you

Anyway, my advice would be to take it slow. Focus on the relationship first and once you learn enough and feel comfortable, take the relationship to the next level. A new relationship can be hard enough, but a new relationship and then adding in new to D/s lifestyle is making it twice as hard. I suggest taking one on at a time

If he can't wait for you to do that, then it's possible that he isn't ready for a relationship anyway, so if you started this process, he may be impatient with your learning curve and decide that he can't do it anyway, resulting in more frustrated heartbreak later.

As i said before, feel free to PM me more questions, now and as your relationship continues, develops and blossoms i would love to help in any way i can!

HuntertheYeenQueen​(dom femme){Allie Kat} • Nov 9, 2018

Everything that my Wolfy said, I second. He was/is patient and willing to work with me while I figure myself out in the lifestyle, and that makes a /huge/ difference. Being able to have the trust that he will help me and he understands I'm going to make mistakes, makes it easier, in my mind, to be myself, take the lead, make decisions.

We started off Vanilla too, as I had no idea about BDSM outside of the kink, and i do believe that, getting to know him and us that way first, helped a lot too. So it's a great suggestion.

"Leading and Supporting Love" is a great read, its helped me to understand my submissive and myself way better than anything else (Except maybe my husband telling me about himself of course Haha, but the book helped to solidify that).

I'm in kind of a similar situation, being a new Domme and trying to learn. So, I may not have that much advice to give. But my inbox is always open if you want to talk Maybe even just to swap stories or new things we learn, try to help each other out Haha. Totally up to you

I wish you luck and I hope the relationship works out for you! Just be understanding and prepared for anything, as you learn and try to grow with your partner.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Nov 11, 2018

Talk, talk, talk.

Find your local community.

Have fun.

Give yourself time.

Mzmsmz • Nov 13, 2018

Thanks everyone!! We are definetly talking through BOTH our wants and needs! Will reading book this weekend.