The Search

The Search

Ironmanmkx​(dom male) • Nov 27, 2018

Does anyone else feel like it's incredibly hard to find the SUB that you want these days?

Any tips??

curiouskittyy​(sub female){GentlemanX} • Nov 27, 2018

Hi Ironmanmkx,

I’m not sure how long you have been searching but I think everyone (Doms and subs) feel that sometimes it’s hard finding what you want. It just takes time, so patience is key. In my opinion, I think it’s also that much more difficult for new Doms. Subs have to trust their Dom and so they tend to gravitate towards those with experience. I also had a look at your profile and it wasn’t filled out with any information on what you are looking for, so it’s hard to tell if you are struggling because you’re new or because you have a specific kink.

My advice (opinion) would be to firstly make sure you fill out your profile as much as possible. Get to know your community and learn what you can. Try and find local events/workshops etc and then when you are ready post an ad, join a munch, and basically try various avenues to find the perfect sub for you.

Good luck on your journey

(Looks like I can’t spell today)

HuntertheYeenQueen​(dom femme){Allie Kat} • Nov 27, 2018

Honestly it's just like any relationship. You can't rush it.

If you want something /good/, something worthwhile, you need to be patient and to work hard for it. Relationships don't just fall into your lap. It takes a lot of effort.

Like curiouskitty, I also suggest you take more time to fill out your profile. If people can't learn much about you from there, they'll be less likely to reach out to you. You gotta put yourself out there if you want something.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Nov 27, 2018

I was talking to a co worker one day who talked about how hard it was to find a GF.

I asked him about his life. He works, go home, takes his dog to the dog park.

I pointed out that "how do you expect to meet someone if no one knows who you are"?


Get out, join all your local groups, volunteer, and -- just an idea here-
Add to forums without being self centric.

In other words--- let ppl find out who you are through your ideas, humor, and questions.

Onlinedomguy​(dom male) • Nov 28, 2018

I so understand your question. I had joined other sites in the past and really did not find anyone I connected with. I joined here and my experience has been completely different. I was able to find a great sub here but it didnt work out. I was thinking about her and others I know here and why am I connecting with subs here and not in my past experiences. The only thing I can point to is when I joined this site I decided to put myself out there in different ways. I read blogs and the forums. When something resonates with me I comment and also always let the blogger or forum writer why I liked or how their words hit me. I noticed right away my comments were getting "loved" and in many cases i would receive a text or mail. I treated each person i talked to as a woman first and subbie second. I made up my mind i was going to enjoy them no matter where we went or didn't go. Even with my now ex-subbie, I wasnt in a hurry. I made the effort to get to know them as people and let them get a sense of me. For me at least, this worked. I have some nice connections and I expect at somepoint I will have a new subbie. But I am enjoying the ride.

JoanofPleasure • Nov 28, 2018

Perhaps you might also take a look at those who aren't the "hot babes" or the sex starved nymphomaniacs which a lot of guys here are listing as their preferences. And instead of waiting for someone to approach you, approach them.